how do I address this problem with MIL?

redshoegirl · June 2010

Kind of related to my post below - when I told Ben yesterday that I wished I could have an all-day break from the babies, he suggested that we get his mother to watch them. I had to tell him that I'd really rather she didn't because she doesn't feed them properly. I don't mean that she has a different bottle feeding style - I mean she doesn't burp them enough. Or at all, really.

Will and Dash get mad and howl when their bottles are taken away so they can be burped (they've always been this way, and would do the same thing when I was nursing them and had to take them off because I could hear them sucking down air). I totally understand that no one likes to hear a baby cry, but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and if you persist for about 30 seconds, you'll get a big burp and then can give them the bottle back. Well, MIL doesn't like to do this, and when they start fussing she says, "Oh OK" and skips the burp. I've directly asked her numerous times not to do this, but she does it anyway, and it means that I end up with fussy, super gassy babies.

So you can see why I don't want her doing 3 or 4 feedings in a row! But even though she won't be watching them for an entire day, I know there will still be times when she will watch them for an evening or whatever, so does anyone have any ideas about how I can address this with her? Like I said, I've tried being direct ("MIL, I know it's awful to hear them cry but please burp them anyway - they need it.") and that doesn't seem to have worked. Do I just suck it up and deal with the resulting gassiness, since she only feeds them about once every 1-2 weeks?

lisakeiko · June 2010

Has she seen you or Ben do a complete feeding with the boys? If not, maybe she doesn't realize that the boys survive the mid-meal burp just fine, even with the grumping and howling that they do. Also, does she ever have to deal with the gassy fussy twins when she does skip their burps? If not, maybe she just doesn't realize that it's worse for them AND you/Ben when they're not burped because she isn't the one who has to calm them down?

redshoegirl · June 2010

lisakeiko:
Has she seen you or Ben do a complete feeding with the boys? If not, maybe she doesn't realize that the boys survive the mid-meal burp just fine, even with the grumping and howling that they do. Also, does she ever have to deal with the gassy fussy twins when she does skip their burps? If not, maybe she just doesn't realize that it's worse for them AND you/Ben when they're not burped because she isn't the one who has to calm them down?

She's definitely seen us do it - she and I have even fed them together (each taking one boy) several times.

Hmm, I don't think she's ever had to deal with the fallout - on the occasions when she watches them, it's generally in the evening so they tend to go to sleep relatively quickly (probably within 20 min) after eating, and the gassiness doesn't usually show up until later. I have told her that it happens, but maybe she thinks I'm exaggerating?

inamra · June 2010

Gosh, this sounds like a rough situation! Hm, you tried everything that I would...so the only thing I can think of is maybe to let her have the boys for a full day, so she'll experience the gassiness first hand and realize that you were right and hopefully change her ways before you get the boys back? And if that doesn't work, then I'd just hang in there until the boys are old enough to not have gas problems...then she can babysit again? Sorry, I know that isn't the best solution but it's the best I can think of for now...GL!

mrspresley · June 2010

inamra:
Gosh, this sounds like a rough situation! Hm, you tried everything that I would...so the only thing I can think of is maybe to let her have the boys for a full day, so she'll experience the gassiness first hand and realize that you were right and hopefully change her ways before you get the boys back? And if that doesn't work, then I'd just hang in there until the boys are old enough to not have gas problems...then she can babysit again? Sorry, I know that isn't the best solution but it's the best I can think of for now...GL!

i agree and don't have much to add. that's tough!

MrsZiz · June 2010

I have a rough time with my FIL. I've told him time and time again not to feed B anything except what we tell him to feed her (which is stuff we send) but he's done it anyways. I once told him "Play by our rules with Bella or you won't be able to watch her" and "you had your 3 kids to do what you wanted, now she's ours to what we want and have people follow the directions we give them"... since then he's been a little better. I wasn't trying to be a royal B*tch but I had to be in order to be sure that she only ate what she should be eating... It's especially hard now since she reaches for EVERYTHING but she simply can't have everything because her tiny body can't handle it...

I would do what you did again, say "Oh you really have to burp them... it's not a choice because otherwise I end up with howling babies later and I can't really afford that for them or for me... it's AWFUL to hear them in PAIN because someone didn't take the much needed time to burp them"... If it were me, when she skipped the burp and I saw her I'd be like "Oh you really HAVE to burp them, it's not a choice and if you don't want to then he can just wait and I'll take care of him once I'm done with his brother." It sounds mean but babies their age NEED to burp! I also have to remind myself that it's been YEARS since my FIL was around small kids... it's different for my parents. Their oldest grandchild is 13 so they are used to more of the new rules and such.... good luck!

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