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MainelyFoolish
member
Do you spend Mother's/Father's day with your parents/ILs?
MainelyFoolish
member
Assuming that your parents or ILs live within a resonable driving distance, of course. My parents live 500 miles away and we don't visit them on Mother's Day or Father's Day.
DH's parents live about a 75 minute drive away and we're expected to be there for Mother's Day and Father's Day. DH's two siblings and their spouses (who live 2 to 3 hours away) are also expected to come. DH and I are the only ones with a child of our own.
I like my ILs and I don't have any problem visiting them occasionally but this year it's bothering me that we're spending the day with his family and not enjoying a day with just me, DH, and DD. It didn't bother me as much the past 2 years because DD wasn't at an age where we could do much in the way of family activities.
So, what do you do? Is it unreasonable to plan on not spending Mother's and Father's Days with the ILs next year?
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Re: Do you spend Mother's/Father's day with your parents/ILs?
we do sometimes, sometimes we don't.
I am the type to plan something and invite the IL's (they are divorced) if I feel like it.
Nope- DH's father is 13 hours away.
My father/mother is 20 minutes away- and it is unspoken rule that Mother's/Father's day is now about US (DH &I) ~ of course I call them and send a card. However we don't buy them gifts- or see them. When my parents were our age they spent Fathers/Mothers day with their children- not their parents ~ so I feel it is only right for DH & I to have that now-
i don't think it is unreasonable at all- this is your family now.
I would feel the same way as you. I wouldn't want to spend the whole day driving back and forth, having no time for yourselves as a family.
I live less than a mile from my dad so, yes, we will see him for Father's Day. I'm having everyone over in the afternoon (siblings and their SO's) for dinner.
Mother's day is spent similarly. But because my mom is dead, we all go to my grandmother's in the afternoon where all my aunts, uncles, dad and my siblings end up for a big BBQ.
I am the youngest of 7 so it would be kind of unreasonable for everyone to see my parents. Usually my brothers plan a golf outing with my dad and sometimes my mom and sisters and I go somewhere for the weekend. But my family is super laid back - no one is ever "expected" to do anything. If you can makie it great, if not no big deal
DH doesn't even get his parents a card or present for Mother's/Father's Day so we are certainly not packing everyone up to go see them
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
We do lunch with the ILs for mother's day. We meet somewhere, so we still have most of the day alone. My mother passed away 4.5yrs ago, so there's no juggling there.
I leave Father's Day up to DH. This year he hasn't proposed anything, so I suspect we'll just relax at home. I might take the kids somewhere so he can get some sleep since he's been up with DS a lot.
We have to see the ILs anytime someone poops. Seriously. It's ridiculous. My parents like 1 1/2 hours away. But they don't expect us to visit on day's like Mother's and Father's Day. They had there chance when we were kids to have those special days, now its OUR turn. The ILs don't think that though. Everything is a family affair. And DH won't stick up for us. So we are forced to spend nearly every day celebrating something. When we see them ALL the time anyways cause they are 5 mins away. I HATE it. I want my Mother's Day to be MINE! Call me selfish...but I don't want to remember my mother's days cramped in his grandmother's house with all his family...sitting there bored out of my mind. I try to state my feeling but it just turns into me hating his family. (Which I only hate his dad). He doesnt grasp how important family time with the THREE of us is to me. We literally celebrate every anniversary, every birthday, EVERYTHING. At least once a month (usually more) we have to all go have dinner (I mean aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins) to celebrate something.
My family we see once in a blue moon. We don't even do Thanksgiving with them....and it's like pulling teeth to get DH to go up to my parents for Christmas. The cord NEEDS to be cut!
204
We don't typically see our moms/dads but this year we are having dinner with FIL and SMIL. We are in town (we are normally on the other side of the ocean!) and thought it would be nice.
I don't think it is unreasonable at all to want to spend those holidays as "your" family without the ILs - maybe go to their house every other year?
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
Yes, we do.
This year, we're going to my IL's (to see my FIL) on Saturday afternoon. They'll probably have dinner for us and DH's siblings/SO's. We're going to my parents house (to see my dad) on Sunday afternoon. My parents have an in-ground pool and since it's going to be hot as Hades here this weekend, I'm excited to be able to get Ben in the water. We're also going to BBQ.
Last year, I slaved in the kitchen to make brunch for the entire family (we originally planned to go out, but didn't want to spend $30/person) for Mother's Day and I didn't want to do it again this year, so DH took DD and I out of town. It was lovely! Last year, DH went golfing on Father's Day, and I was a little more then pissed that he got to spend the day with his friends, and I had to spend mother's day with his family.
We will be in town for Father's Day this year, but we are celebrating on Saturday (this year all the guys are going golfing on Saturday and DH is not going), and I am taking DH out of town for the day. We are going to be home on Sunday, but I told everyone that if they want to see DH or DD, they have to come to church with us, and then DD's soccer practice. Most have declined because they don't go (or want to) to church. The only person who trumps any of our plans is Stepson, and he hasn't made any attempt to tell DH he has any plans for him.
My parents are across the country, so they're out.
DH's dad is dead, so we don't have any Father's Day plans with anyone but the 3 of us.
For Mother's Day we switch it up depending on the year. This year since DD was so little, MIL and her mom came to us and we took them out to a fancy brunch. They loved it.
Can you suggest to them that they come to your house next year? it may be expected that you go there, but I'm willing to bet no one has suggested an alternative.
My In-Laws are deceased and have been for years and my parents live 2,000 miles away so, no we don't spend Mothers/Fathers Day with anyone. It's sad because we did spend some time with them when we were first married and I loved having that time to really thank them and show appreciation to them. They just get a card now.
However, I don't think it's unreasonable to plan on not spending that time with them, especially if you can and do every year and just maybe want to spend it at home, with your family (your DH and child) now.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
We will pop by DH's parents' and drop off a gift and probably be roped in to staying way too long. However, I think this is the last year we will do anything besides just send a card.
My father lives in town but I can't stand him so I dropped a card in the mail today and that's it.