- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Toddlers: 24 Months+
2 year old behavior/discipline
My dh wanted me to post ask what other parents thought about our daughters behavior. She is 2 1/2, will be 3 in Sept. We know that there are a lot of behaviors she can't control and that if she gets bored or tired she will act out. So I guess the question is, what things should we discipline her for and what kind of discipline would work best?
Also, does anyone know exactly how much they can control themselves at this age?
Thanks for any advice you can give.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2 year old behavior/discipline
What kind of behavior problems does she have?
FWIW, my son is just a month older than your daughter. We expect him to say "please" and "thank you" consistently, to listen to us when we ask him to do/not do thing, to put away his own toys every night, and never hit or say "bad words" that have previously been discussed. He gets a time-out for breaking the rules, and has to apologize for what he did wrong before he's allowed to come out. We also take toys away if he's misbehaving in time-out or hitting with/throwing the toy.
You're right that kids this age are impulsive and don't have great behavior control. They need boundaries and consequences for their actions, though, to reinforce the idea that certain behaviors are not okay.
I don't know the answer to your question (maybe post some examples of what you're wondering about), but I recenetly did some reading about my own daughter's behavior on babycenter.com and found some really helpful articles. Might be worth a peek.
I think if you posted specific things I would be able to answer better. When I correct DS he understands me. When I say, "No, that hurts." He knows what I mean. When I tell him, "If you do that you will go to timeout," he knows what I mean.
If I tell him to sit in the grocery cart because it's what you're supposed to do he plays the back and forth, I want to get out I want to go there game. I strap him in and now he calls it his seatbelt. I strap him in, he cries for about 5-10 minutes but he knows he's not getting out and he can cry the whole 30 minute trip because he knows I won't give in. DH, on the other hand, will cater to DS and hold him so he plays it up when DS goes on our shopping trips.
Our latest meltdowns occur when we are somewhere fun. Like we went to a giant playplace with arcade games, inflatable jumpers, ball pits, etc. We were there 2 hours and needed to leave. He threw a giant temper, kicking and screaming. We got in the car, I told him it was time to leave, he cried for 5 minutes then got quiet after I gave him a lunchable. We were at the aquarium another time and he was sooo cranky, hitting, saying no, etc. We put him in the stroller and he cried for about 10 minutes then settled down. He's beginning to understand that what we say, goes and that's that.
IMO it's all about consistency. If you're consistent and your DC knows what you're going to do they know what to be ready for. If you back down 1 out of 3 times and let the child win they always think they have that chance.
I'm also a school teacher and the same applies in the classroom. If you let the kids get their way they will always play that game.
Just be consistent whatever you do.
I know one day at daycare they were telling me the kids get 3 chances/warnings then they go to timeout. I told them I wanted DS to have one chance because babies don't understand the numbers game.
We do it with DS at home. He throws things a lot. Tonight he threw a shoe. I told him if he threw a shoe again he would go to timeout. As he's winding up to throw it I said it again. He never threw the shoe.
Same thing at bedtime. The last 3 nights he hasn't gotten out of bed because he knows that if he gets out I will shut the door and he hates that.
BE CONSISTENT. I hope I answered some things.
Join our wiki and tell us what your baby eats for finger foods.
I have a dog too and I'm still trying to figure that one out.
As far as this, when I put DS in timeout it's one minute for every year old they are. So he goes in timeout for 2 minutes. I sit with him the whole time. Liek another PP said, I make my DS say "I'm sorry for hitting" or whatever he did. My DS also says Please and Thank You. We've said that since he was an infant and he actually says Thank You without prompting and uses it in the right context.
When DS is in timeout I am there with him and constantly tell him, "You're in timeout for hitting puppy" "you're in timeout for throwing" "you're in timeout for getting on the table" and when we're done he apologizes. He also hits so if we're in timeout and he hits I hold his hands and legs until it's over. He hates it.
You should be with your child, imo, in timeout or they just think it's play time. I don't think at this age they understand when they are alone for timeout.
Join our wiki and tell us what your baby eats for finger foods.
My best recommendation is to stop putting her in time-out in her room. Do the Supernanny thing and get a naughty stool. Every time she gets out, put her back in with consequences. LittleL knows that if he gets out of time-out, I take a toy (always a current favorite) away. It'll take time, but she'll learn.
And yes, BE CONSISTENT.
We have a DD the same age. At this point, her world is a lot bigger than "fault" and "punishment" because she has so much learning to do. Now, that said, I don't let a lot slide just because she's still learning, on the contrary, I have a lot more work to do to teach her good behaviors. So while I don't consider time-outs "punishments" I do consider them vital to good learning and reinforcement.
I am very clear about being 'gentle' with our cat. If DD is not gentle she will get a warning ... and if her behavior doesn't change, a time out. There is no chance for her to play a game for 5 times. One (or two) times and it is "follow directions" or time out. No kidding.
My response only really applies to the dog situation - it is not the dog's fault. 2-3 year olds have a lot to learn about interacting with animals so it's not her "fault" either. It's your job to understand how pets and small kids learn how to interact with each other, and then to actively facilitate that - I assure you they are not going to teach themselves.
I do think that she is old enough to understand and follow rules (my son is 26 months old and is able to do that), but that will only work if you know what the rules are, what the consequences are, and are consistent with both. With pets and anything else.
And give your dog some guidance as well - for starters, you should be reinforcing/rewarding virtually any good behavior that he shows while interacting with your daughter. My son is good with our dogs, but if he slips up I first deal with that and then as quickly as possible praise the dog for being patient and tolerant. And always separate them, in a way your toddler can't un-do, if you're not confident that the dog is under control. Otherwise you're setting them both up to fail.
I know this was just an example, but I would encourage you to not let much grass grow under this one. I work in dog rescue and you wouldn't believe how many dogs are surrendered because parents don't actively manage interaction between dogs and small kids, and then they conclude the dog must be at "fault" for not knowing any better.