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s/o petty and father's day

mistresscoxmistresscox member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

This would be my pot stirring post for the evening I guess.  

In the post below a lot of people brought up how FD is all about thanking your partner for going through the parenting journey with you, helping you raise your child etc, and should therefore be celebrated just for that.  

But what if you're not doing equal (or even close to equal) parts in the parenting job?  Does the person doing a half-assss job really deserve to get "celebrated" when the one doing all the heavy lifting hasn't or doesn't even get thanked regularly?  On the one hand I agree with the "praise the good" idea (which is why I'm doing something for FD), but isn't there a point where the "when do I get mine" mentality gets to take over?  (Like in the post below.)  Do you really get to be "praised" when all you do is show up?

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Re: s/o petty and father's day

  • ttmccootttmccoot

    well, i think it's silly to let MD and FD be the catalyst for a petty revenge scenario. if you're in a marriage, you should be partners. if you aren't partners, there's a whole lot more to deal with than "how do i shaft dh/dw on this holiday". (there's also that whole do-unto-others thing.)

    that said, i'm sorry that you feel like you're in it alone. i hope you get the support you need, and fast. nothing sucks more than being alone in a relationship, especially when a LO is in the mix.

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  • CalinsBrideCalinsBride
    I think the point is that if you have a beef with your DH not doing anything, you need to speak up and tell him instead of being passive aggressive and trying to ruin his Father's Day.
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  • CityplannerCityplanner

    Agreed with the two prior posters.  Father's Day is not intended to be a mechanism for exacting your revenge for a partner's not pulling their weight the remaining 364 (or 365 days in leap year).  That's one pretty twisted way of thinking about the holiday.

    If you're underappreciated, don't have a good partnership, think he's a lousy father, then take the bull by the horns and fix the situation.  Marriage counseling, separate, whatever it is.  Not buying him a father's day card isn't going to change things and probably isn't going to make you feel any better. 

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  • 2-Step2-Step member
    imageCityplanner:

    Not buying him a father's day card isn't going to change things and probably isn't going to make you feel any better. 

    I agree. If your DH is checked out about parenting, I doubt that he would care much about not getting anything for FD. I also think this is an area where men and women are different. I don't think men care so much about these things as women do. If you want him to get a message, talk to him.

     

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  • trackchik6trackchik6 member
    I guess you need marital counseling if you're unhappy with how things are divided.  i.e.: my mom stayed home and my dad worked - but I think they both valued each other's contributions to our family!  
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  • erino&chrisherino&chrish

    I don't think there is a reason not to celebrate either Father's Day or Mother's Day, regardless of who is "pulling more weight".  Parenting isn't about keeping score.  IF I were a person who were being taken advantage of or felt my spouse were not doing their part I would have taken multiple steps to correct it: 1) talk to him 2) talk to him again (and again, and again, and again...you get the idea guys take awhile) 3) counseling.  I would think that a situation so terrible it warranted not celebrating Fathers Day (i.e. punishing or purposely not making an effort) would hopefully have been addressed prior to this.

    Plus, the saleswoman in me would also say "suck it up" and celebrate Father's Day.  If you don't, you're setting yourself up for Mothers Day and Fathers day not meaning anything to each other in the future.

    FWIW, I completely sympathize with all the moms out there that aren't getting the support they need and I respect that you feel upset.

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