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Houston Babies
those with strong-willed kids...
Can you share me with your discipline techniques and how you handle your DC when they just completely lose control?
My nerves are shot after the last 2 days with C. We are on my 2nd week home with him for the summer. He has been throwing fits over every little thing constantly. Screaming, yelling, hitting, etc. We have always put him in timeout for these behaviors, but lately timeout just causes more screaming and then he starts to hit DH and I. He's been yelling/ growling the follow things when he gets mad too, ad we don't know where he picked them up.
"Bad girl, Mommy!"
Bad boy, Daddy!"
"I'm not gonna do that!" ( when asked to do even the simplest things)
We use a lot of positive reinforcement when he's making good choices and we try to spank only when timeout isn't working or the behavior is dangerous (he ran across a parking lot the other day after breaking free from my grip)
What else can we try? This behavior is making DH and I miserable and it's hard to even take C in public. I know it's just a phase. And I know C has a lot of "stuff" going on right now. We're potty training, he's got some molars cutting through and he's adjusting to not being at daycare.
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Re: those with strong-willed kids...
You want to know what brought the biggest change in Joshua? Hitting the 3.5 mark. His "terrible twos" started at 9 months. Mulitiple tantrums everyday. He is just now turning into a person and not a crazy child.
That said, he got spanked. Nothing else got through to him. Nothing. We did timeout, taking things away and so on. Timeout works great for him now though. I am super excited about that.
Ugh, that sounds super rough. I don't really have advice to offer - just sympathy. For us the 3's were way worse than the 2's. Do you think he's missing the structure of daycare and also being with kids his own age? Is there a vacation Bible school or MDO program you could put him in this summer? Sarah's worst behavior always comes out when she's bored, hungry, or tired. Are you keeping him physically busy enough during the day?
I know what you mean when you say your nerves are shot - I've felt that way before and it's really hard. We went through a phase where we couldn't take Sarah to restaurants at all because her behavior was so unpredictable, but thank goodness that passed. I do think that some of that behavior he'll just outgrow over time.
The only other thing that comes to mind is isolating him in his room when he's misbehaving. Or you could designate a room in your house as the "screaming room." When he's calm, you can introduce him to the room so he knows what it's for. Then when he throws a fit, take him into the room and tell him he has to stay in there until he's finished screaming.
I think alot of that goes with the age. Adding routine changes and molars will also cause that behavior. I really like the book Taming the Spirited Child it has alot of good ideas and parenting techniques that really worked for us. The thing that helped the most was turning 4 though, he has been MUCH better since then.
Good luck and try to remember it will get better!
Could it be that he's bored? He might be and he's lashing out because his entire routine was just thrown out of the window. Do your best to set a routine, to set expectations and talk to him about what you're doing each day, talk the night before and reiterate it when he gets up in the morning. DD is most definitely strong-willed and has an opinion about everything. We've found that the more we share with her, the more choices she has the better she behaves. When we skip naps, skip meals or vary from that plan she loses it.
During DD's fits she usually realizes that she's being naughty quickly and then she wants me to pick her up. I tell her that I'm not picking her up until she stops whining/crying. I cannot and will not comfort her or help her with something unless she stops and asks politely. We've talked about taking toys away and she's just not mature enough for that yet...she tells me "ok, throw the away" or "give them to someone else."
I also warn DD a LOT. She has choices, she can do as I ask her or she can sit in timeout. The more I reiterate it the more she gets it. EX: she didn't want to brush her teeth. I told her that I was going to brush her teeth or she could go sit in time out and then I'd brush her teeth. She chose to sit in timeout for a few minutes and then let me. Toddlers are little cave people and need to sit and reset. Encourage your son to sit alone and play, to sit in his room if he needs downtime...perhaps he just needs to reset.
Hope this helps!
I need to get this book. I have one of the most "spirited" (LOL) kiddos I have ever met, and while it's really fun and she's funny and really communicative, that also means on the flipside, she's REALLY bossy and stubborn and gets mad often when she doesn't get her way. Thanks for the rec (even though it wasn't directed toward me!).
The problems we deal with most are throwing things, and melting down when told "no" and being redirected. When he throws things, I say "NO we don't throw" and take whatever he threw away. Usually buy the 3rd takeaway he gets that he's not supposed to throw, but if he keeps throwing things I keep taking them away until he doesn't have any toys left.
If he screams and/or melts down at any point - when I take things he's thrown away, when I tell him don't play in the dog bowl, etc. he goes to his crib to "decompress." It's really the only place around here where I can keep him contained and walk away so I don't lose my cool on him. This is probably a bad comparison, but kind of like crate training a dog, if you will - he equates the bed with being a safe, quiet place where he can relax. However, I will say this may not be a good idea for a child who is resistant to sleeping in his own bed, or has trouble going down for the night.
If he melts down in public (store, restaurant, etc), I march him out of wherever we are, screaming and crying the whole way. We usually have to have the dinner boxed up and leave, unfortunately. This is why we generally avoid taking him anywhere fancier than Chick-Fil-A.
O tried to fight sitting in timeout when he was younger. At the suggestion of my dc provider we put a booster seat on the floor, back against the wall so he couldn't tip back and hit his head, and strapped him in. It only took doing that twice for him to realize we were serious and he'd much rather go sit by himself in the chair than be strapped down. All we had to do was mention the booster if he fought us.
Now that he's older and bigger we do increasing levels of timeout. He gets a chance to sit in his chair for a few minutes downstairs. If he won't or he hits or spits at me when I try to enforce it, he gets put upstairs in his bedroom. I usually end up going up there with him because he often needs help to calm down.