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Postpartum Depression
Torn...
My son is now 8mo old and I'm finally getting help for my PPD. I had a maaaajor breakdown (lots of anger and bad thoughts) on Friday. It was so bad my mom flew up from Florida to where I am in South Dakota (not an easy or cheap flight) on the same day. I have my first appt with my PCM and a therapist on Thursday.
My dilema is that my mom has offered to take my son back with her for the three weeks between when she leaves and when I was orginally scheduled to visit. I feel like I want/need this time so get adjusted on my medication and get a few sessions under my belt, and have the opportunity to reconnect with my DH. DH however is hesitant because he says he's really going to miss the baby and he doesn't want to impose on my mom too much. I also want to wait until after my appts before we make any decisions.
I wish I felt the same way that he does about missing the baby. But I'm hoping that with the right medication maybe I will feel that way, and even welcome it. If you asked me today tho...I'd say that I don't think I would miss him...
So I'm torn on what I should do. Any opinions/suggestions/comment are welcome... TIA
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Re: Torn...
(((hugs)))
Could you move your visit up by 1.5 weeks so she has DS for only half the time?
That is a tough one. If DH is going to miss him maybe ask DH to take care of his needs- feed him, bath him, pick him up, etc etc and then at least you get a break. Maybe you can go stay with a friend for a day or two (or five) to reconnect with yourself first.
3 weeks is a long time for DS to be gone. While my initial thought is "let him go with you mom" I think once he goes you'll be missing him.
Awwww girl you have A LOT going against you right now and I commend you for even getting on here to find help. Well, if DH is may deploy you need to make yourself a priority first and foremost. Do you have the monetary flexibilty to hire help for a day or two a week? Maybe even a teenage girl who can help after school just so you can get out? You can check out local churches and see if any younger women there are able to babysit. Which brings me to another point...try to check out meetup.com or local churches for moms groups. It may be a great way to get out of the house and feel like a human again. Also check your local hospital- they may have a PPD support group. I just found this site today: https://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/ and there were some great resources there.
I understand he wants time with DS but you being healthy needs to come first.
Be sure to get treatment as soon as possible. I just went back on Zoloft lsat week and I wish I would of done it sooner.
I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. . . and its probably been a slow slide in that direction. . . but such a slide that you didn't realize how bad it was until it felt like it was too late. (((hugs)))
I'm a military wife too, so I understand some of what you are feeling. Being away from family, new to town, and battling depression, its a tough mix.
I have to say, from someone who is on meds and is feeling better now. . . while it sounds tempting to let your mom take your son for a few weeks, the baby isn't the "problem". The chemical imbalance in your brain is. I wonder if you would feel guilty for sending him with your mom. And, three weeks is a long time to be apart. As a pp suggested, a week to ten days doesn't sound so long. . .
What kind of support can you search out at your base? It is a more difficult time of year to get into activities as things are winding down and as PCS season gears up. But, is there a family support group with your DH's job? (Their called FRGs with the Army, I don't know what the AF calls them.) Could you talk to the lead person, see if there are any other new SAHMs with babies under a year--perhaps you could start your own play/friend/support group. Do they have Gymboree/My Gym/Little Gym classes in your town? That would be something that would get you out of the house and a potential to meet new people. Plus, I bet your son would enjoy it too!
I know that it is easy for me, from the comfort of my living room, to share off of these ideas. . . but I do know how hard it is. We moved 3 weeks ago, after DH returned from a year plus long deployment. We moved back to where we lived when we met and dated. I feel like I should have a life here already. . . but in that past life, I had a career, no husband, no baby and no dog. I love my DH, son and dog. . . but I am in SUCH a different place. It is hard. I am not getting myself out there like I should. . . but I am trying to take small steps. It is hard.
I am sorry that you are feeling like this. I am glad to hear that your DH is so bonded to your son and that he is being so helpful. Does his command know what's going on at home? I know that in the civilian world (and for many, the military world too), people try/need to keep their private life private. . . but, IMO, military life is a little different. We move around so often, and while, in theory, there is a support network, there are times, like this, that the needed support isn't there. Hopefully, now that you are getting help, more help will follow. Does that make sense?
Sorry that this is so long, but it is because I really understand.
My last "bit"--please don't feel like you need to hid how you are feeling. There should be no shame in having experienced PPD. It is real and it is difficult. It strikes a woman at a very vulnerable time, as she is learning to care for a new life. Add into that the other stresses in your life--a recent move and a potentially deploying DH. That's a lot! More than many women could handle. Be certain that you get the help that you need. If they give you meds, take them. I take my meds before I feed the baby in the morning. I have to take care of me in order to take care of my son.
Okay, I'll stop now. I'm around if you need someone to support you. You can do this and it will get better. Just take baby steps until then.
ETA: I saw in another post (when I checked your bio) that your DH was deployed for your son's birth--you are a strong woman! You've survived a lot already! I'm sorry that there are more hurdles, but it will get better. My DH was gone for our son's birth too. I hate to hear that he may have to go again soon.