how long do you let your LO fuss/cry?

redshoegirl · June 2010

I read sanae's post down below on sleep improvement (yaaaay for more sleep, btw!) and noticed that she said they let Kaya fuss for 5 min before attending to her to see if she'll fall back asleep on her own. This makes me curious - how long do you let your LO fuss or cry before you go to them (I realize these are two different things, so your answer might be different for each one)?

I give it 1 minute, maybe less. Not saying there's anything wrong with 5 minutes if that's what works for you and your LO - I just can't wait that long because Will and Dash seldom just fuss; they're zero to 100 mph boys and will often go straight from sleeping to hysterical crying with no stops in between, so if they're left unattended for long they'll work themselves into such a state that they're very difficult to settle again. So it's in my best interests - i.e., I get the most sleep lol - if I go to them right away. It also helps that once they're asleep at night, they don't really fuss or cry unless they're waking up to be fed - they seldom wake up for any other reason (it can definitely be a challenge to get them to sleep, but once they are asleep they tend to stay that way).

On the rare occasions when they are just grizzling or fussing, I'll wait for a minute or two but never as long as 5, just because I know that if they don't settle themselves ASAP it will very shortly turn into that hysterical crying I mentioned before.

What about you? What length of time works for your LO? (I'm guessing that this will depend a bit on age as well as your baby's personality?)

sanae78 · June 2010

I may get flamed but we let her fuss up to 20 min. That's rare, though, and if she starts to cry then we get her. I don't let her cry for very long because I know when it'll escalate. But she's older now and can settle herself pretty well if she's just fussing. For the first couple months we would get her immediately, though. The sleep books say not to get them right away because babies make noises in their sleep and you should make sure they're really awake before getting them. But everyone knows their babies best. We just realized she can settle herself most of the time and it tends to make her cry harder if we get her right away.

inamra · June 2010

Ah, it really varies. Sometimes, I'm watching him already and he's starting to make his fussy face and I'm already scooping him up and feeding/changing/burping him (depending on what has already been done or not before he starts making the face). If I'm not already watching him, then if he's just doing a soft fuss, I'll see if he settles, but once it escalates to a cry, then I'm there in a heartbeat. Usually, it's not more than about 2 minutes or so (I don't actually time it so I'm not sure exactly how long) because if he's just fussing himself to sleep, it doesn't last very long. But if he's crying, then there's something up and he needs attending to.

redshoegirl · June 2010

sanae78:
I may get flamed but we let her fuss up to 20 min. That's rare, though, and if she starts to cry then we get her. I don't let her cry for very long because I know when it'll escalate. But she's older now and can settle herself pretty well if she's just fussing. For the first couple months we would get her immediately, though. The sleep books say not to get them right away because babies make noises in their sleep and you should make sure they're really awake before getting them. But everyone knows their babies best. We just realized she can settle herself most of the time and it tends to make her cry harder if we get her right away.

No flames if it works for you guys (and it obviously does)!

I've read the same thing in the sleep books, but obviously those authors never met Will and Dash lol. They will occasionally make fussy noises in their sleep, but it's rare - when they make noise at night, they tend to mean it! I didn't realize this at first and tried to do what the books said and leave them be for a little while, then couldn't understand why I had two hysterically crying babies that were incredibly difficult to settle back down again. It was my first lesson in "not everything you read in a book will apply to your baby" lol - so now I believe, like you said, everyone knows their LOs best!

myday1708 · June 2010

Fussing? I can let her fuss for a long time. 30 mins even. She never does, tho, maybe she'll fuss 30 seconds until I'm out of the room, then she stops or plays with her paci. CRYING? As in, SCREAMING? Arg. Not long. Maybe 30 seconds or a minute! But, again, she never does this. So if she is CRYING, there is a reason!!!

jaysgirljulie · June 2010

During the night I get him right away because he usually only wakes up to eat and then goes right back to sleep, and it seems like he's really hungry during the night. The day time is a different story, it depends on his mood. If he's being an angel and fussing I'll leave him be and he usually will calm down. It's rare that he's in a good mood and being an angel though Sad . When he's being "spicy" I usually get him right away because he'll have a full blown crying fit if he's not cuddled right away. When awake, my kid screams 99.5% of the time if he's not being held andd fusses & cries 50% of the time even if he is being held.

sanae78 · June 2010

redshoegirl:
sanae78:
I may get flamed but we let her fuss up to 20 min. That's rare, though, and if she starts to cry then we get her. I don't let her cry for very long because I know when it'll escalate. But she's older now and can settle herself pretty well if she's just fussing. For the first couple months we would get her immediately, though. The sleep books say not to get them right away because babies make noises in their sleep and you should make sure they're really awake before getting them. But everyone knows their babies best. We just realized she can settle herself most of the time and it tends to make her cry harder if we get her right away.
No flames if it works for you guys (and it obviously does)!
I've read the same thing in the sleep books, but obviously those authors never met Will and Dash lol. They will occasionally make fussy noises in their sleep, but it's rare - when they make noise at night, they tend to mean it! I didn't realize this at first and tried to do what the books said and leave them be for a little while, then couldn't understand why I had two hysterically crying babies that were incredibly difficult to settle back down again. It was my first lesson in "not everything you read in a book will apply to your baby" lol - so now I believe, like you said, everyone knows their LOs best!

maybe as they get older they'll learn to settle themselves. Kaya definitely couldn't console herself at 6-8 weeks and we rarely let her fuss or cry more than a couple minutes back then. Unless we got to the point where we had to walk away out of frustration. That happened a couple times.

mrs.winter · June 2010

I'll probably get flamed for this (and the reason why he still does not STTN) but I've never let Ashton really fuss. His fuss turns into screaming and crying....which will then wake him up.

myday1708 · June 2010

I just wanted to point out that it's very normal for babies to wake up several times during the night. The key is teaching them to put themselves back to sleep without fully waking up or waking you up. Sometimes when they wake up, they will let out a squak. Or even a cry. Or fuss for a second or two. And then flop over and be dead asleep again in two seconds.

I was watching Alexa on the video monitor last night while I was still awake. Twice she let out a cry and I rushed to the monitor to see if she was awake. But as soon as I hit the video button, she had rolled over and was back asleep. Once, I saw her SIT UP in her crib and I thought, oh no, she's up! But no, in a minute she was back down, butt in air, and back asleep.

So if I had not let her fuss for a second in all of these cases, she'd be up and she would have lost an opportunity to lean how to put herself back to sleep. One of the tips in the Baby Whisperer book is to react to their crying after you have studied the situation and have a plan in mind. I never rush into her room.

We always watch her and consider what the problem could be (lost her paci? dirty diaper? hungry? teething?) and what our options and their consequences are before we act -- sneak in and get her paci but if she sees us she'll wake up and cry; change her diaper but this will wake her up; feed her but she should not need this and it might start a bad habit; giver her infant tylonol for teething, but it'll wake her up...

Anyway, just my two cents. HTH!

sanae78 · June 2010

myday1708:
I just wanted to point out that it's very normal for babies to wake up several times during the night. The key is teaching them to put themselves back to sleep without fully waking up or waking you up. Sometimes when they wake up, they will let out a squak. Or even a cry. Or fuss for a second or two. And then flop over and be dead asleep again in two seconds.

This is exactly why we don't rush in to get her. The other night she fussed for less than a minute 3x. If she continues or her fussing escalates to crying, we intervene. Otherwise, we see if she'll just fall back asleep on her own.

MauiWedding08 · June 2010

mrs.winter:
I'll probably get flamed for this (and the reason why he still does not STTN) but I've never let Ashton really fuss. His fuss turns into screaming and crying....which will then wake him up.

me too. He only really fusses when he has a legitimate issue, hungry or soaked diaper - or even sometimes a little gas (picking him up will help him to pass it). So I would rather get to him and remedy the situation before letting it escalate. Perhaps if he was fussing for no reason or a difficult sleeper we would go about it differently. I know he knows how to put himself to sleep though because we rarely have to make an effort to get him to sleep. Often we just get him in his night dipe, pj's and sleep sack and place him in the co sleeper (awake) and he is asleep before we are even done getting ready for bed. Same for nap time (but just put him down in his crib w/ the dozy dolphin noise maker).

mrspresley · June 2010

fussing? i will let her fuss for a while w/o getting to her...usually when she is fussing it is right after i put her down for a nap, but she usually settles and starts playing and then puts herself to sleep. sometimes she'll wake up in the middle of the night and fuss and by the time i give her a second, turn on the video, and then get up out of bed, she has already stopped LOL

if she is crying? i get to her almost immediately. if she is crying i know it's for a reason so i get to her right away. if she is crying it also escalates to wailing quickly so i try to avoid that

i should also add - i don't think anyone on this board would ever flame somebody else... i think we all respect each other too much to do that just sayin'....

redshoegirl · June 2010

myday1708:
I just wanted to point out that it's very normal for babies to wake up several times during the night. The key is teaching them to put themselves back to sleep without fully waking up or waking you up. Sometimes when they wake up, they will let out a squak. Or even a cry. Or fuss for a second or two. And then flop over and be dead asleep again in two seconds.
I was watching Alexa on the video monitor last night while I was still awake. Twice she let out a cry and I rushed to the monitor to see if she was awake. But as soon as I hit the video button, she had rolled over and was back asleep. Once, I saw her SIT UP in her crib and I thought, oh no, she's up! But no, in a minute she was back down, butt in air, and back asleep.
So if I had not let her fuss for a second in all of these cases, she'd be up and she would have lost an opportunity to lean how to put herself back to sleep. One of the tips in the Baby Whisperer book is to react to their crying after you have studied the situation and have a plan in mind. I never rush into her room.
We always watch her and consider what the problem could be (lost her paci? dirty diaper? hungry? teething?) and what our options and their consequences are before we act -- sneak in and get her paci but if she sees us she'll wake up and cry; change her diaper but this will wake her up; feed her but she should not need this and it might start a bad habit; giver her infant tylonol for teething, but it'll wake her up...
Anyway, just my two cents. HTH!

Good advice! Smile

SanHawaii08 · June 2010

i'm soaking up great advice, no input here, but just wanted to say...

mrspresley:
i should also add - i don't think anyone on this board would ever flame somebody else... i think we all respect each other too much to do that just sayin'....

+1! don't make us all get all schmoopy again Wink

Married2MrWright · June 2010

We bedshare so Libby never fusses at night unless she has gas and if that's the case I usually pick her up and it is relieved almost immediately.

For nap times she will sleep in her crib or swing. We will let her "fuss it out"...no crying but stiring, noises, etc. Anytime it remotely sounds like crying we tend to her. Even at night, if we've managed to get her into the ARCs and she starts to stir, I give it a minute or two to see if she's just re-adjusting herself or if she truly needs me to tend to her (usually she wants to nurse at some point between 2-3 a.m., but sometimes it can be because she's too hot/cold, etc.).

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