Am I wrong for being agitated?

Mickschick · June 2010

So today is my Mom's birthday. Earlier in the week I was talking to her and I said how I thought my husband had to work today but when he got out at 4 we would come up and bring stuff to grill pizza etc. She said that her grill blew up so we couldn't grill pizza. So I said, "Oh then why don't you guys come down here on Sunday and we'll do that and have dinner for your birthday." She agreed.

She had the next day and the day after off. She offered to take the twins overnight. She came to pick them up and then said to me, "Is it okay if a friend comes to my birthday picnic?" Did she really think I would say no? And I never said it was a picnic, I was just planning a little family dinner but whatever- I tell her that her friend can come. She says, "OH good- Holly wants to know what she can bring?" Okay- so apparantly she already told her friend that she could come without asking me b/c most people dont' ask what they can bring before they know if they can come or not. Whatever- I just let it go.

So Thursday I go to Walmart with my Mom. She asks if I invited her father over for tonight. I said no. She said, "Oh you better. You know how furious he'll be if he finds out that we're doing something and he's not invited". Um okay- so I called him and invited him. So then I felt like I had to invite my Uncle (her brother) b/c his wife is out of town and I didn't want him to find out and feel like we were excluding him. So last night I'm iming with my brother on FB and he wants to know what I'm planning on having for food. I was like, probably hamburgers and chicken and the other bbq kind of stuff. He then tells me that he thinks my Father's mother is coming. My Dad invited her without even telling me that she was going to come. Great. I was like, um okay? Does he know for sure b/c I need to know how much food to have. He said that he would find out from my Dad this morning and let me know.

I call there this morning- my brother had to call my Dad at work and find out. He calls me back and says that she's coming and that my Dad wants him to call my other Aunt and invite her too. Her and her 2 kids will be there.

So the nice little family dinner that I planned turned into a freakin' BIRTHDAY PARTY on my dime. I'm so agitated and I feel bad but at the same time I feel so taken advantage of. No one offered (meaning my father or my mother who knew this afternoon when I forwarned her that her MIL and SIL (my Grandmother and Aunt) would be here to help chip in any money. So what I was planning on being probably a $20 meal and $30 giftcard turned into us spending over $200 in ONE day.

ETA- it's not a "milestone" birthday for my Mother either. She's 52. So it's not like it was expected that she get a party or anything.

Sorry this got so long- I'm just venting. And feel free to tell me to STFU and get over it. LOL.

docmay25 · June 2010

Yes, I would be annoyed. That is a lot of work that they are putting on you and it seems it isn't clear to anyone what they are doing. It might be different if everyone was offering to bring something, so that it took some of the work off of you.

soontobemomma · June 2010

If it was my mom's birthday I would think it was weird not to invite my sibling/father/grandparents over when I was having her over. I don't think you were taken advantage of, but it just got out of hand. Aunts/friends maybe not.

JMO

Mominator · June 2010

Do you normally have dinners to celebrate and only invite the guest of honor? I mean, I could never invite my Mom over on her birthday and not her husband or other children, kwim? And while people were just inviting themselves and others you could have spoken up and asked them to chip in or bring something, but you didn't. So, no, I don't think you are necessarily wrong for being agitated, but a lot of things could have been avoided by you just speaking up in the first place.

Mickschick · June 2010

Mominator:
Do you normally have dinners to celebrate and only invite the guest of honor? I mean, I could never invite my Mom over on her birthday and not her husband or other children, kwim? And while people were just inviting themselves and others you could have spoken up and asked them to chip in or bring something, but you didn't. So, no, I don't think you are necessarily wrong for being agitated, but a lot of things could have been avoided by you just speaking up in the first place.

We normally don't make a big deal about birthdays AT.ALL.

I wasn't expecting my Mom to not come without my Dad and brother. I think I'm more pissed at my Dad for inviting people and not asking/or telling me and then me finding out from my brother after my father inviting them. Basically my father turned my quiet family dinner into a party at my expense.

Mominator · June 2010

Mickschick:
Mominator:
Do you normally have dinners to celebrate and only invite the guest of honor? I mean, I could never invite my Mom over on her birthday and not her husband or other children, kwim? And while people were just inviting themselves and others you could have spoken up and asked them to chip in or bring something, but you didn't. So, no, I don't think you are necessarily wrong for being agitated, but a lot of things could have been avoided by you just speaking up in the first place.

We normally don't make a big deal about birthdays AT.ALL.

I wasn't expecting my Mom to not come without my Dad and brother. I think I'm more pissed at my Dad for inviting people and not asking/or telling me and then me finding out from my brother after my father inviting them. Basically my father turned my quiet family dinner into a party at my expense.

Gotcha. We always celebrate birthdays with the entire immediate family. And your Dad was definitely in the wrong, but as a man, he probably doesn't even get it.

Mickschick · June 2010

That's exactly what I said about my Dad. I just needed to vent about it b/c I really am angry over it. I can't say anything to my Dad b/c he probably didn't even think of it that way- he's probably all excited that he made a big deal about her birthday.

Oh well. Lesson learned. Next year I'll keep my mouth shut and just show at her house with a gift. LOL

AggieCouple · June 2010

I would be agitated but I would also suck it up, unless the money is a hardship or if someone offered. I might ask for some physical help, but not for money. These things happen, especially with family. I know it's not a milestone, but it's still your mother's birthday and it will make her feel special, so take that as your reward? It's not just another meal, and it's not like this is happening everyday, right? Of course, if the money is a huge deal for you, I'd speak up. But in this situation, I really wouldn't know whom you'd speak to.

hopefulmom · June 2010

I'd be annoyed for sure. If you wanted to invite your mom and dad to come for your birthday dinner fine. I don't think it necessary you invite your other siblings or grandmother (unless they live with your parents). I mean...if you were taking her out to a restaurant for dinner would they all expect you to pay for them? Really, your mom started it all by asking her friend. Probably would have been best if you just said no to that. Once that was OK'ed your dad probably figured it was a bigger event then just he and your mom having BBQ at your place so started inviting others (his mother, aunts, etc).

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