baby's last name

megans09 · June 2010

I may be single but my bf and I have a great relationship together and I really want our baby to have his last name. I wasn't exactly sure where to post this but I was wondering if anyone had any experience with this and whether it made things harder with documentation or anything..such as with receiving assistance, daycare, or doctor visits etc if my last name is different from my child's? I'm mostly asking because my mom is driving me crazy since she wants the baby to have my last name. Thanks!

monkey_mama09 · June 2010

DS has XBF's last name. I haven't really had any problems with the different name thing. The doctor's office was confused the first few times, but everything's fine now. It hasn't seemed to affect anything else that needed both of our names.

ETA: And name your baby what YOU want. Even though we were together at the time, my parents really pushed for me to give DS our last name. I decided that no matter what happened with us, he would always be DS's father, and felt that he should have his name. When we first broke up, I immediately decided that I was going to switch the names. After I calmed down, I remembered what I had said when choosing the last name and decided to stick with it.

DS has my last name as a middle name... that way my family name was part of his name too.

alibabbbs · June 2010

I side with your mom on this one. I hate that DS has my ex's last name, but my ex isn't really involved. I do not want a different last name than DS, so I won't be changing my last name. I work with children and families, and it's true that people assume that you are not the child's biological mother if you have a different last name than him or her.

megans09 · June 2010

I would probably side with my mom also if my BF and I weren't together, but we are and even though technically I'll be called a single mother we have a wonderful relationship but just aren't married.

Also, I've thought about it and I'm not going to let my mom bully me into something I don't want, because I do want DS to have his father's last name. She just kept trying to tell me that it will make things way harder and I'd never heard of that happening enough to change my mind. Thanks for easing my mind that even though there may be some difficulties in the end it isn't much of a problem!

BostonGayGal · June 2010

If you end up staying together you would have no reason to regret it. If you break up, I suspect you would regret it.

I would give the baby your last name, knowing that if you stay together you would probably marry before the child is in kindergarten and you could easily change it to his last name at that point. I think KNOWING that the name is right is worth the small fee, and this way you wouldn't need him to sign off on the name change later if you were to break up.

taylorsue00 · June 2010

LO will have my last name. no ifs/ands/buts about it.

Mama2S-K-M · June 2010

BostonGayGal:

If you end up staying together you would have no reason to regret it. If you break up, I suspect you would regret it.

I would give the baby your last name, knowing that if you stay together you would probably marry before the child is in kindergarten and you could easily change it to his last name at that point. I think KNOWING that the name is right is worth the small fee, and this way you wouldn't need him to sign off on the name change later if you were to break up.

Excellent Advice! Yes

haleyw458 · June 2010

DS has his dad's last name, and I don't regret it at all. If we were to get married, I wouldn't want to go through having to have his name changed. He's his dad, I'm his mom, I don't see why he should have my last name anymore than his.

keelyxrosepetal · June 2010

LO will have my last name. X is barely involved and has no future plans of being involved so he doesn't deserve to have his last name carried on (with LO at least).

megans09 · June 2010

I appreciate the thoughts and advice and I've also thought about the "what if we didn't stay together." Either way I would want DS to have his dad's last name, like it was said he's still his dad and maybe it isn't as important to me as some people for DS to have my last name. But I definitely understand why some people would rather wait until or if they get married.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

The user and all related content has been deleted.

JCGreene85 · June 2010

DS has my last name. If you arent marrying the father, i wouldnt give him his last name. What if it doesnt work out, and you want to get remarried?

In my personal opinion, if you arent * together * , give the baby your last name to avoid fights, confusion (for the baby and everyone else)

mommamelmo · June 2010

I was married when I had DS so he was obv given DB's last name... I am currently in the process of changing DS's last name to my maiden name. DD will be getting my maiden name as well.

Mind you DB really isn't an active parent. He likes to play daddy when it's appropriate for him to show off his son.

megans09 · June 2010

It may not be what's best for some people but I feel like it's what's best for me and I know that someday we will get married and I will take his last name. I know his father would really appreciate it especially because he's the only one in his family to "carry on" his name..and when I'm thinking about it I know it sounds a little primitive and "man centered" but honestly it doesn't bother me. It isn't something I jumped into either I did spend quite a bit of time thinking about it.

I didn't really want this post to be about which last name but just if it would make things a little harder to take care of if DS last name and mine would be different.

Also I'm 20 and we have been together for 3 1/2 years. I know people will say that I'm young and yes I agree but I also know that age doesn't necessarily reflect my capabilities or set out a red flag for being immature or not knowing what I'm doing.

alibabbbs · June 2010

mommamelmo:
I was married when I had DS so he was obv given DB's last name... I am currently in the process of changing DS's last name to my maiden name. DD will be getting my maiden name as well.

Mind you DB really isn't an active parent. He likes to play daddy when it's appropriate for him to show off his son.

I really, really want to do this, but where I live Deadbeat needs to sign notarized paperwork okaying it. How are you doing it???

turtle1120 · June 2010

Mama2S-K-M:
BostonGayGal:

If you end up staying together you would have no reason to regret it. If you break up, I suspect you would regret it.

I would give the baby your last name, knowing that if you stay together you would probably marry before the child is in kindergarten and you could easily change it to his last name at that point. I think KNOWING that the name is right is worth the small fee, and this way you wouldn't need him to sign off on the name change later if you were to break up.

Excellent Advice!

My thinking exactly! I decided from the beginning that LO will have my last name. She's not even born yet and DB is already out the door. Under no circumstances will I be giving her his last name.

DracoBunny · June 2010

Well, my cousin was born when his parents where together, and for some reason my aunt gave him her maiden name, and divorced his dad like three years later, and then she remarried and took on a different name. It confused him growing up as to why he didn't have the same last name as his mom or her husband who he has always called dad and didn't even know that he wasn't his biological dad until he was in high school. He's fine with it now, but growing up he told me he felt like he didn't belong to anyone. So it kind of depends on how involved his father is going to be through out his life I think. My boyfriend is annoyed that his first child doesn't have his last name. His girlfriend at the time moved to live with her mom through her pregnancy, and he asked to have their baby have his last name so that she would always know that she had him and his family that loved her. He has tried to be very active in her life, and talks to her on the phone as much as he can, and sends her gifts when he can afford it. So I think it really depends on how involved he plans on being, so that your baby knows who his family is and doesn't feel left out like my cousin. I personally am giving my baby my boyfriend's last name when he's born because I try to make things traditional as I can.