Postpartum Depression
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New mom with PPD
I had my PP appt with my OB yesterday. I failed the PPD questionaire. The midwife comes in the room with a "pouty face" look and asks me "what is going on?" I lost it. I told her: It took over a year to get pregnant, then I had a very painful pregnancy. My son was born at 10lbs 4oz laying on my hips making it difficult to walk. I had to leave work 7 weeks before EDD. Making it even worse he was overdue. Being admitted for induction and discovering I had preclampsia I was on bedrest until 24 hours after he was born. I was in labor 15 hours before they decided to deliver via c-section. Breastfeeding bombed, because my milk did not come in fast enough for my big boy. Now, 6 weeks later he is on special formula and was diagnosed with Acid reflux. I am supposed to go back to work in a week and a half. I haven't even enjoyed my baby. The first weeks I was holding him all the time because he was screaming in pain. I have anticipated the day I was going to be a mother, and now all I feel is angry, and betrayed by the man upstairs.
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Re: New mom with PPD
Well, I hope your midwife gave you a big hug and told you that a lot of new moms feel the same as you do. I don't think I really enjoyed Jacob and being a mom on a daily basis until he was 7 months or more! There was always something - reflux, sleep issues, my emotions, etc.
Once I got help (meds and therapy), I was FINALLY able to enjoy being his mom. And I finally got to understand that it was not my fault or his fault. It took me a lot of time (and 2 IVFs) to get pregnant, so I think you have a lot of expectations about what its going to be like. When those don't come true, it seems like a let down.
I hope that you're getting some help. And see if DH can take a night shift and let you get a full night sleep. Sleep deprivation does terrible things to a mom.
Good luck!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I felt a lot of the same feelings you described as well. Those first few months are HARD! And I don't think a lot of people talk about that part openly. I did go on meds which were helpful, but also what helps the most is talking to people who really understand and are honest about their struggles adjusting to parenthood. During my PPD I searched for support groups and didn't find a physical group near me, but I did go to Postpartum Support International at www.postpartum.net and they have resources listed by state. Some states have groups, some have coordinators that are other mommies who have survived PPD or other perinatal mood disorders that can listen to you or even direct you to groups or therapists if you feel this is what would help you. And I really feel like it was the mom-to-mom support that was so helpful to me. I was able to realize that I wasn't doing something wrong just because I was having a hard time adjusting or that I didn't love every second of motherhood because most people feel this way. I hope you feel better soon!