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Single Parents
Is this guy for real?!
A quick update on my situation since I don't post much. I kicked my DB SO out mid-May because he was verbally abusive. I moved over Memorial Day weekend and he was actually a stand up guy and helped me move. So, stupid me gave him another chance and I let him move into my new home. Big mistake! We didn't even make it a week before he started back up with the verbal abuse. So now he's living in my basement until the end of the month. Well I'm doing my best to avoid him and work has been busy this week so I've worked a little late, and my parents live nearby so I went to their house to have dinner and hang out last night after work. We are no longer "together" so I don't feel that I owe him any explanation as to my whereabouts.
This is the good part. This morning I got grilled by him because he wanted to know if I'm dating someone else! LOL! Seriously?! First of all, I do not need a man in my life right now. Secondly, who on earth would even date a pregnant chick?! This guy is unbelievable and so insecure which is part of his problem since he feels the need to put me down to make himeself feel better. I just got a good laugh out of that one. Hey, DB, in case you forgot, I'm 5 months pregnant....I'm NOT dating anyone! He told me that he's refraining from dating because he hopes we can work things out after the baby is born. I hate to tell you, Buddy, but you have two kids from a previous marriage and a knocked up ex-girlfriend (not to mention criminal charges pending against you)....you're not exactly a prize to be won!
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Re: Is this guy for real?!
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Haha! Probably HIS guilty conscience. I would be willing to bet he actually is dating (surprising I know that girls would go for someone like that but true, they put on a good show, hey they got US).
XH searched through my phone looking for evidence of me cheating when I was eight months pg....ummm, yah, guys knocking down the door to hook up with a married, hugely pregnant chick. Turns out ::shocker:: that he was the one cheating...shortly thereafter I found numerous innappropriate e-mails, condoms in his truck, another cell phone, and a hotel receipt. And I promptly kicked his @SS to the curb and haven't looked back!
I kinda give him a little point for 'refraining from dating' but nonetheless, WOW.
I think the one thing that really pisses me off is that when you leave a guy/he leaves you during the pregnancy he has it a LOT easier as far as the dating world goes. He doesn't have a sign posted on his stomach saying "Look! I'm pregnant!" and doesn't have to tell a girl right out like we do with guys (if we were to date mid-pregnancy). Plus, he probably won't be carting a child around with him everywhere he goes!
Phew, that said, better to get him out of your life now then to keep him in it and have that bad influence around LO. And yeah, I'm kinda going through something similar, except my X is the kind of guy I described above, lol.
He told me that he'd go to counseling with me and I really wanted to try to work things out because we are having a baby together. I should have known that he wouldn't change, but I gave things one last try. In the end he refused to go to couseling once he was in the door, but at least now I don't have to have any regrets or worries that I didn't try hard enough for our baby.
My STBXH does things like this too. He was verbally abusive and physically threatening me and ever since I obtained the order of protection and had him leave the apartment I get text messages and emails from him asking if I have a boyfriend...because in his mind that is the only reason why I would ever leave him. He can't seem to comprehend the fact that I will no longer allow him to abuse me or our daughter and that is why we're no longer together. All I can do is laugh when he accuses me of having boyfriends...like I have the time right now.
Hang in there and stick to your guns. From experience, the abuse does not stop just because they say it will; it's just part of the cycle. I understand the desire to get back together, but I found that the more separation I put between me and my STBXH the easier it got to resist his promises of change and his constant manipulation. Keep us posted.
I forgot to mention this too. XH was unfaithful, verbally abusive, neglected me when I was pg (as in not coming home for several days at a time or even checking in with me), and was on drugs. This is the reason why I left him....yet I STILL get idiotic texts/voicemails from him stating that he knows that I must've had another man in mind when I left him, but it just didn't work out. Way to be accountable for your own actions, genius! But I don't let this bother me, it's simply the ramblings of a seriously disturbed, drug addicted POS (who I am not married to ANYMORE-:::squeals::)!!!!!
I guess what I am not understanding is why, if this guy is such a piece of garbage and he verbally abuses you, you then allowed him to move in with you after treating you decently for ONE DAY? Then, after he resumes his poor treatment of you, you let him stay in your basement.
Treat pieces of garbage like garbage. Throw them out. You seem to realize he is one: he treats you poorly, he has a bunch of kids with other women, he is insecure ... so why are you still giving him chances? I don't think the signals you are sending are as clear as you think they are. If they were, you wouldn't have to leave your own house to avoid him.
* I know this sounds harsh, but I don't intend to be mean. I think you know what you need to do but maybe haven't been ready to do it because it doesn't match want you wanted for you and your child. As much as I understand that, it doesn't change what I suspect you already knoe you need to do.
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This is why we love you: you speak the truth, and sometimes it is painful to hear, but it is necessary nonetheless!
He has two kids from a previous marriage...I never said he had a bunch of kids with other women. He's staying in my basement until the end of the month for strictly financial reasons. I just moved and had to make a mortgage payment AND pay rent this month so it's been tight this month. The only reason he gets to stay until the end of the month is because he gave me money and I don't have it to give back to him.