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mommyof4boys

bugmommybugmommy
in Special Needs
I was hoping you might have some advice for me since you are one of the few around with multiple boys with some sort of diagnosis.  Do any of your guys have things going on that are hard for each other?  In my case my older DS is generally sensory avoiding and my younger DS is sensory seeking.  DS#2 screams and DS#1 covers his ears and cries, DS#2 tries to grab and hug DS#1 constantly, so DS #1 cries.  Couple that with normal fighting over toys, attention, etc. that goes along with being 21 months apart and I'm losing my mind.  DS#2 is constantly taking things or doing things to DS#1 because he loves any attention he gets from him (even if its negative) but then DS#1 pushes/hits him to get away and DS#2 gets hurt and cries.  Do you notice the crying theme?!?  Do I just need to suck it up or do your have any recommendations?  I seriously feel like we can barely do anything together for all of the crying. 
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Re: mommyof4boys

  • mommyof4boysmommyof4boys member
    Yes!  We got through the same stuff here!  Matthew is somewhat of a mix of a seaker and an avioder.  Chris is an avioder.  When we are having the problem like what you are saying, I seperate the boys.  Matthew will usually go upstairs and watch a movie in his room and Chris will do something train-wise since he perseverates on it like it's his security blanket.
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  • mommyof4boysmommyof4boys member
    Something else, I don't know how vocal your boys are but I do this with Jon and Matthew.  I pull them both facing each other and I have each of them get a turn talking about why they are upset with the other one.  I mediate between the two of them and will make sure that the other boy understands what the issue is.
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  • bugmommybugmommy

    imagemommyof4boys:
    Something else, I don't know how vocal your boys are but I do this with Jon and Matthew.  I pull them both facing each other and I have each of them get a turn talking about why they are upset with the other one.  I mediate between the two of them and will make sure that the other boy understands what the issue is.

    Yeah, they aren't quite there yet.  The 4 yo does tell me why he's upset with the 2yo, but the 2yo only has about 50-75 words so it will be some time before he can do this.  I do try to separate the 2 of them but they both want me to be involved in whatever they are doing so the separation doesn't last long.  Maybe I'm just expecting too much for their ages and abilities.  Its just draining to have to be in the middle of their play ALL. DAY. LONG.  And then they still fight :(  Between that and DS#1's general anxieties the crying is really stressing me out.  You would think I would be used to it by now, but no such luck.

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  • mommyof4boysmommyof4boys member
    Yea, with Chris, he's got a limited vocabulary so that doesn't work.  What we do is usually seperate them and give deep pressure to the kid more affected by the noise and fighting.  Chris is usually in the middle of the action.  Last week he hopped on Matthew's back and started pounding on him because Matthew had a toy Chris wanted.  We pealed Christopher off and hugged Matthew attending to his needs and ignoring Christopher.  He loves attention even if it is negative attention.
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