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XP: Baby Shower Issues...

AshleyandDericAshleyandDeric
in Baby Showers

Hey ladies... 

DH & I live in NJ... in-laws (2 sets, they are divorced) live in NH and MA.  For the wedding, we had a bridal shower in NJ and wedding shower in MA.  Worked out nice. 

For the baby shower though, since I have been so sick with Hyperemesis, and my doctor told me not to plan to feel better for several more months, DH & I had thought it would be nice just to have one in NJ and invite everyone from both sides... whoever comes, comes--until he talked to his mom.  She either wants to have a shower without DH & I before the baby or have a post-baby shower in February.  For the shower w/o DH & I, I feel like its wrong and greedy, like we are just asking for gifts.  For the shower after the baby, I have tons of issues.  I don't want to travel in the dead of winter with a 2 month old baby when neither one of us will probably be in any shape to travel. Not to mention having a 2 month old baby around tons of people in cold/flu season.   Now DH seems annoyed with me that I don't like his mom's ideas.

Am I being wrong here?  Has anyone else had a similar situation? Any ideas are welcome...

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Re: XP: Baby Shower Issues...

  • Newspaper ArticlesNewspaper Articles member
    I don't understand how she gets to call the shots.  Who will be hosting your shower in NJ?
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  • krissyh21krissyh21 member

    I agree that a shower without you there is just basically a drop of spot for gifts to be given. A shower is supposed to be celebrating the new mom and without you there, who are you really celebrating.

    However, I would not expect for people to travel a few states away to come to a shower. IMO it is not worth the traveling expenses for a 3 hour event.

    I would just say, thank you for thinking of me, but because of the difficult pregnancy we are not comfortable with traveling. Maybe you can have a "meet the baby" party for when you feel comfortable traveling with him. Most pediatrician suggest not having high exposure to people until after the 2 month vaccines anyway. 

    A lot of years and a million tears finally led me to you.
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  • AshleyandDericAshleyandDeric

    You and me both!!!!!! Big Smile

    My parents and his step mom was more than happy to help.  I'm sure his mom will help too, but not by choice.

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  • TColemanTColeman member
    I would tell your MIL that you aren't having another shower. Like you said, whoever comes to the NJ one comes and who doesn't, so be it. Everything you said is how I feel, traveling in the dead of winter with a newborn...no way.
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  • cadencaden member
    I'm in a similar position to you. My ILs live in MN and we live in MI. Although I had a bridal shower in both states, I'm only having 1 shower near me now. I have a high risk pregnancy and I think I'll be lucky to attend my 1 shower. I'm definitely not traveling to MN now or 2 months after my twins are born. So I'm just inviting my DH's immediate family (parents, siblings) to my MI shower. That's it. I'm not really a fan of inviting OOTers who you know would never come. It just looks gift grubby to me. I don't think it's rude to exclude these people. They all understand why they're not invited. Oh my SIL also proposed having a virtual shower where everyone brings gifts and I Skype in. I turned that down for the same reason you said - it looks like we're just gift grubbing.
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