I was afraid this would happen.

Calypso312 · June 2010

I have always had a great relationship with MIL. Only now that I have given birth to her first grandchild she is dancing all over my nerves!! I have had to see her every day for the last two and half weeks and I'm tired of it. How do I politely ask her not to come over every day? DH is not interested in having a conversation with her. He says the newness will wear off and she'll stop coming over every day. I'm impatiently awaiting that day.

staci4477 · June 2010

good luck with this one. I don't have an answer for you based on experience (luckily my mil stayed 3 days after the birth and now only comes by once in a while), but i did read an article about this in parent magazine. basically the answer was...you don't say anything. it's her grandchild, and there is no way to politely ask her to back off without causing long lasting tension in the family. maybe you could give her time with your lo while you go run errands, take a nap, or get your nails done? that way she's got time with her grandchild and you don't have to spend a bunch of time with her...

emilysmommy2010 · June 2010

I would tell your DH to talk to your MIL about it. That is what I had to do. It is hard to get stuff done when you have to play hostess all the time. You could also just tell her that today is not a good day for you. I hope she calls before she comes over...

NastyAnnie · June 2010

Take advantage of the situation. "Hey, MIL, I need to get groceries! Will you watch LO for a few hours?" "Hey, MIL, I am worn out. Why don't you come get LO and I'll get some rest?" "Hey, MIL, LO is so happy today, I know you'd love to spend some time with them. While you do, I need to run some errands. Be back later!"

Eventually your MIL will associate showing up randomly with being asked (ie, expected) to babysit. If she appreciates this, you have a free babysitter whenever. YAY! If she doesn't, she stops showing up so much. YAY! Either way, you're really better off.

In the first month especially it is so important to spend some time alone. Take advantage of that MIL and get back in touch with you.

ParadisePrincess · June 2010

NastyAnnie:
Take advantage of the situation. "Hey, MIL, I need to get groceries! Will you watch LO for a few hours?" "Hey, MIL, I am worn out. Why don't you come get LO and I'll get some rest?" "Hey, MIL, LO is so happy today, I know you'd love to spend some time with them. While you do, I need to run some errands. Be back later!"

Eventually your MIL will associate showing up randomly with being asked (ie, expected) to babysit. If she appreciates this, you have a free babysitter whenever. YAY! If she doesn't, she stops showing up so much. YAY! Either way, you're really better off.

In the first month especially it is so important to spend some time alone. Take advantage of that MIL and get back in touch with you.

...And this is why you're hawt.

lmpdjc · June 2010

My MIL is the same. I worried it would get annoying, but now I can't wait for her to come over! I take a shower, eat, clean up the house, run to the store...it's great to have that time. I don't know why you feel like you have to entertain her, it's not like she's there to see you. When she gets there, hand over the baby and make yourself scarce.

KaitlynDC6 · June 2010

Personally, I think it's rude of her to not allow you to have time to adjust as a family. She's being selfish. Yes, it's her grandchild and she should be able to spend time with her, but it's not HER child, which I believe means that she does not get to see her everyday. That's just life. She already had her kids and got to experience that, she now needs to allow you to do the same. If it were me, I would tell her that I needed some time to bond with lo so maybe she could start coming over more like once a week or something. If she freaks out about that it's her problem, in my opinion. She needs to respect your space.

teach2183 · June 2010

Your DH needs to man up. My ILs live an hour away, so I didn't have this issue. MIL even knew without being asked to go home before we brought DS home from the hospital.

But your DH needs to tell your MIL that you want some bonding time without her around. He needs to ask her to limit her visits to certain hours or days.

lpstl · June 2010

teach2183:
Your DH needs to man up. My ILs live an hour away, so I didn't have this issue. MIL even knew without being asked to go home before we brought DS home from the hospital.

But your DH needs to tell your MIL that you want some bonding time without her around. He needs to ask her to limit her visits to certain hours or days.

This. Ask you H how he would feel if you refused to address a problem with your mother and told him he had to deal with her directly.

sal32 · June 2010

NastyAnnie:
Take advantage of the situation. "Hey, MIL, I need to get groceries! Will you watch LO for a few hours?" "Hey, MIL, I am worn out. Why don't you come get LO and I'll get some rest?" "Hey, MIL, LO is so happy today, I know you'd love to spend some time with them. While you do, I need to run some errands. Be back later!"
Eventually your MIL will associate showing up randomly with being asked (ie, expected) to babysit. If she appreciates this, you have a free babysitter whenever. YAY! If she doesn't, she stops showing up so much. YAY! Either way, you're really better off.
In the first month especially it is so important to spend some time alone. Take advantage of that MIL and get back in touch with you.

This is great advice! I had the exact same issue with my MIL after my first was born. I wish I had done this. I was so worried about offending her, but I think she would have been ok with it.

In my case, the novelty did wear off for her after a month or so. This time around she comes over once or twice a week, which is great.

Good luck!

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