Have you ever? (NTTGP related...)

Kathy4678 · June 2010

Had to break up with a friend?? Tongue Tied

I'm kind of in mid-friend break up (that I initiated...) and it's painful. She kind of thinks we're way better friends than I think we are, I think our lives are going in different directions... It's miserable.

What do you do when you just don't want to be friends with someone anymore???

ejlynch · June 2010

I've never been in that type of situation, but doesn't sound fun. GL!

TiDa2009 · June 2010

I've never had to, no. Sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck!!

JenandMike71809 · June 2010

I had a bad break up with a friend in college..it was much needed though. We were BEST friends and room mates which made it harder! Turned out she wasnt the friend I thought she was and need to cut all ties. It got ugly for a while...after some time we were able to patch things up and be civil. Now I would say we are friends but not great friends.!

Good Luck! I hope it works out ok...its tough but if you have to do it to make your self happy and a better person...you gotta do what is best for you!

jchytil · June 2010

It's the pits just distance yourself a little more. Good luck

kelann2010 · June 2010

Been there done that, it was the toughest thing ever but her and I just started butting heads.. its been over a year now since ive seen her, we talk occasionally on chat but that is about it, just small talk.. im a better and happier person because of it and everyone around me can tell the difference in my attitude also... good luck with everything!

kelstar824 · June 2010

I have been there. And I don't play nice Embarrassed

I usually just ignore said person and eventually the friendship fades....

purple4u · June 2010

I have, its hard. Happened to me in grad school. Broke up with a guy friend who I was pretty close with. We just sat down and talked about it and that was it. We occasionally spoke because of classes but we haven't spoken to each other in about 4 years.

brit072206 · June 2010

I've been there and I've been on both sides. I think just distance is needed. Let it fizzle out. Return calls later, answer emails later, etc. Be nice but distant in your responses. She'll move on over time.

murielvoelker · June 2010

It's hard at first because I felt like I had no one to talk to, but with time you will just grow further apart and eventually don't even talk anymore, it really sucks

Temp878586125009588 · June 2010

I've never had a friend break-up before, just a falling apart. And she was my best friend.

. Sorry you are going through this. I hope things get better for you soon.

steff13914 · June 2010

Oh gosh! I have sorta been in this situation. I have no good advice because it sucks. My situation turned out ok because she moved and we rarely talk on the phone anymore. I say just ease out of it. Make yourself unavailable, and eventually she'll get the idea.

lylahlove · June 2010

I'm in your exact shoes right now - a friend I've had since high school seems only to have room for me in her life when convenient or when she needs a favor. She went through a divorce a few years ago and for a long time I pushed the behavior aside and made the relationship all about her, because I knew that's what she needed.

We've both grown apart so much over the past few years and I'm really just sick of being called only when needed - not the type of friendship I need right now. So I stopped returning her calls and texts - she didn't get the hint and still asked for a huge favor. I wrote her an email and turned her down. It's painful but necessary. Good luck with your situation!

Ya Never Know · June 2010

My wedding was what killed a friendship with one of my friends of 14 years. As soon as I said yes to marriage, she said no to hanging out, calling, talking, anything... and she was my maid of honor..... 8 months in advance she told me she wouldn't be able to attend the rehearsal dinner because she was "busy", she wouldn't come to anything wedding-related and/or hang out even for something non-related, and she let it slip that the reason she didn't want to go to the rehearsal dinner was because she wouldn't have enough time afterwards to be able to go out drinking with her friends, so she was going to skip it.

I figured if after 14 years, my rehearsal dinner wasn't enough for her to skip 1 day of drinking and going to smutty bars, then she could take her friendship and shove it.

In all honesty, by the time I got engaged, I was so sick of her jealousy and selfish attitude and drama, that I was glad the wedding came along to give me a good reason to kick her out the door. DH was thrilled that we'd finally parted ways because he'd always thought she was a jerk anyway.

*MrsH*2010* · June 2010

I prefer not to be confrontational about it and forcefully break it off, not because I'm being passive, but because I don't like to burn bridges. You never know in a few years where your life and friendships will take you.

That being said, I think it's best to let nature take its course... begin breaking away from her by not being available to take phone calls or hang out. When she asks what's going on, which she will, be truthful and say that life is taking you on a rollercoaster ride right now and you have to focus on your priorities x, y, and z.

I'm sorry you have to do this, ending friendships is never easy.

carishabob · June 2010

Ya Never Know:

My wedding was what killed a friendship with one of my friends of 14 years. As soon as I said yes to marriage, she said no to hanging out, calling, talking, anything... and she was my maid of honor..... 8 months in advance she told me she wouldn't be able to attend the rehearsal dinner because she was "busy", she wouldn't come to anything wedding-related and/or hang out even for something non-related, and she let it slip that the reason she didn't want to go to the rehearsal dinner was because she wouldn't have enough time afterwards to be able to go out drinking with her friends, so she was going to skip it.

I figured if after 14 years, my rehearsal dinner wasn't enough for her to skip 1 day of drinking and going to smutty bars, then she could take her friendship and shove it.

In all honesty, by the time I got engaged, I was so sick of her jealousy and selfish attitude and drama, that I was glad the wedding came along to give me a good reason to kick her out the door. DH was thrilled that we'd finally parted ways because he'd always thought she was a jerk anyway.

I was in this position also.. except she moved to Texas two weeks before the wedding and didn't tell anyone. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this!

sapphire513 · June 2010

lylahlove:

I'm in your exact shoes right now - a friend I've had since high school seems only to have room for me in her life when convenient or when she needs a favor. She went through a divorce a few years ago and for a long time I pushed the behavior aside and made the relationship all about her, because I knew that's what she needed.

We've both grown apart so much over the past few years and I'm really just sick of being called only when needed - not the type of friendship I need right now. So I stopped returning her calls and texts - she didn't get the hint and still asked for a huge favor. I wrote her an email and turned her down. It's painful but necessary. Good luck with your situation!

I LOOOVE your siggy pic!

becs11048 · June 2010

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how you feel. I had a friend that was unhealthy for me to be around (manipulative, etc.) and I just distanced myself - wasn't available and it sort of happened naturally.

Good luck

voeux · June 2010

I have had to break up with a couple of friends over the years. It hurt at the time, but ended up being for the best in the long run. Some relationships just turn toxic. I have also been the dumped friend. I was selfish and took her friendship for granted. It taught me a lot and I think that I am now a much better friend!

TaceyK · June 2010

Kathy4678:

Had to break up with a friend??

I'm kind of in mid-friend break up (that I initiated...) and it's painful. She kind of thinks we're way better friends than I think we are, I think our lives are going in different directions... It's miserable.

What do you do when you just don't want to be friends with someone anymore???

Yes, my ex-friend had a baby with her on again off again drug addict/lying/cheating boyfriend, and I just can't have that in my life. When they moved in together, I had to end it. I tried just ignoring/avoiding her, but when she confronted me, I just told her the truth....she hasn't communicated with me since, and that is fine by me. I miss our past relationship, but knew it could never be the same. Good Luck to you

Kathy4678 · June 2010

Thanks everyone for your advice...

I'm trying to pull away slowly, but she's hanging on for dear life and it's just not a good situation. It's not that I don't like her- I just think our lives are changing and our friendship isn't really keeping up. I think part of the problem is she has a pretty small circle of friends so it's making the impact worse. I've explained my feelings to her and she still doesn't really get it.

So we'll see- just a very uncomfortable situation!

Hollanjz · June 2010

I've had to deal with this too, and you're right. It's miserable. I ended up just having an honest conversation with her and telling her that life changes us as people and that our lives had taken us in two totally different directions. I reminded her how different our views were on any number of issues (abortion, the importance of family, the importance of keeping confidences, treatment of furbabies etc.) and that they weren't likely to change. Our differing attutides would make it difficult for either of us to be as supportive as we need our true friends to be. She agreed, and we went our seperate ways. We're friendly and civil when we run into each other, but that's about it.

I'm sory you're going through this, but in the long run, spending that time and engergy building new relationships with people who will be able to return it to you really is worth it.

Shekels831 · June 2010

You are a braver woman than me. I usually just let it fester because I'm a scaredy cat and can't break up with friends. I am in a situation where a couple of my friends are just not in the same place I am in...it is painful and scary and sad.

I'm sorry you are dealing with it and I hope it gets better for you.

Cassie3211 · June 2010

I can totally relate to you.. My DH best friend is engaged and expecting their first.. I had become really good with the fiance and we were inseparable at one time.. I was angry and down in the dumps one evening and spatting off to a friend of mine on facebook.. I had wrote in a message that I didnt think they deserved a baby because 1. they are living with his parents. 2. he just got a steady job ( at the time). 3. at the time they havent told his parents but had told everyone else in the world including my family and DH's family. I also has made this comment to many people I believe there are some people in this world does NOT deserve a child.. I am firm believer in it.. Example my brother.. Well I had sent this in a message.. Well a couple days later she messaged me and said "I hope you are pregnant because you deserve it more..." Come to find out she had gotten into my facebook account which I had given her my password over 3 years ago and read that message and got mad at me.. Then told me I was a two faced &#&$^.. I got mad and threw a fit.. DH kinda defend her but me at the same time.. So I put my big girl panties on and apologized for expressing my thoughts and opinions in my own Facebook account.. She told DH she would have to wait and accept my apology because she was still mad.. OH I was fuming.. She was in the wrong and so was I. I took the right step and apologized.. After looking back at this, it showed me that she thought she was a good friend but in time it showed she wasn't.. I don't think I should be friends with someone who is going to snoop in my facebook account and get mad..

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