Can I admit something to you all?

Sweet_Thang · June 2010

... that I am totally jealous of all of you??

Let me explain

When I met Corey, I knew that he was not Daddy material. He didn't want kids and I was ok with that fact. I was totally in love with him, wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and that not having kiddos was ok by me. So, in 2006 I had a tubal ligation. We did it then since I had met all my out of pocket/out of network expenses (due to that danged gallbladder stones that about ruined my honeymoon), and it was not going to cost me anything.

Who knew that three years later, he would die? I am still young; I am only 42. And my maternal heart strings are being pulled every which way as I see all the babies being born; all the "I'm pregnant" announcements, etc. I regret my decision to have that tubal. I want to be a mommy so bad it hurts. What do I do? I am at a loss.

I know that I could have a reversal, but then what if I can't get pregnant? Do I look into different avenues to have fertility treatments? Adoption? Do I do this alone? (They new beau wants kids so bad he can taste it... I am not ready for that with him right now).

but I am jealous of all of you all.. You are all so very lucky ... and I pray that maybe one day I might have a child of my own....

CareBear01 · June 2010

I'm so sorry. LIfe is so unpredictible. It really does stink sometimes. :-( If having a baby is truly an avenue you want to pursue, I would definitely look into all possibilities. Maybe you want to look into surogacy? I assume you still produce eggs, but they are just dissolved (or forgive my ignorance)? Maybe another option is IVF if they can still extract your eggs (if a reversal doesn't work). LIke you mentioned, adoption is also an option.

TexasHarmony · June 2010

You can reverse it. It isn't guaranteed, but it is an option.

((hugs))

kat.in.the.hat · June 2010

TexasHarmony:
You can reverse it. It isn't guaranteed, but it is an option.

((hugs))

This.

And Lex, I don't know if you're called to it or not, but I think you would make the most amazing adoptive mom ever. You have a heart full of such love and patience and understanding that I think you'd make the most amazing mom in the world.

mom2ll · June 2010

You don't have to have tubes to have a baby. A good friend of my had a tubal (she had mutiple tubal pregnancies and they were very scard). She then did IVF and had a baby. She's gone back 2 more times and has 2 more (3 kiddos total).

Honestly, I wouldn't spend the $$ for a reversal. I'd throw it toward IVF. You can do IVF with donor sperm.

Adoption is a wonderful idea. We've dicussed it and actually started the process when we were doing IF treatments. We were looking at an international adoption. However, the wait can be long. I'm not sure which countries are open right now. We were looking at Guatamala or El Salvador...

charlotteL · June 2010

I too think you would be an awesome mom. I don't know which is the best way t go about it, but I think any kiddo would be truly blessed to have you as a mom.

rayskit10 · June 2010

Aw, Lex, I am sorry. I know you are grieving for Corey still and adding this on top of it must be a crazy, emotional roller coaster.

I think you should really look at adoption. There are so many children in this world who need someone to love and care for them. In fact, you could try fostering as well. The road is long but that will also buy you time while you move farther along in your journey and get to a place where you know it's the right thing.

As far as this guy, you guys just met and started dating. Don't base any decisions on him (not that you are. It's just easy to get wrapped up) but do what is best for you.

Quizzle · June 2010

I agree with Brandi -- I wouldn't waste money (or time) on a reversal. They can be done, but there's no guarantee of success. If you want kids, you can look into IVF (with or without donor eggs) or adoption. The only reason I mention donor eggs is that success rates with your own eggs unfortunately go down a lot with IVF once you're past 40, but it shouldn't necessarily stop you from talking to an RE and getting a work-up to see where you stand. You may have gorgeous eggs

I think you'd be a great mom, too. You can do it so many different ways!

kreeper611 · June 2010

I agree with Kat (I think) that you would be a great adoptive mom! You do have such a big heart.

This is a hard place to be in. I remember my mom feeling lost after my sister and went to college and it was just her. Who knew that she'd be by herself? Instead she ended up with a step-son! However, I do sort of get how you feel. Hugs...

cali_girl92504 · June 2010

((HUGS)) You would/will be a great mommy. I agree with Brandi, I would go the IVF route and then look into adoption. Don't let go of your dreams if you want to be a mommy, Until then, L is always here ready for some Auntie ST loving.

lilycat · June 2010

My heart goes out to you. Life takes turns and you know that better than most. When the time is right, it sounds like you have some very good options as mentioned above.

E&RMommy · June 2010

I agree with everyone that you would make an incredible mom.

Even with untied tubes, getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term at 42 is quite low. If you were to undergo IVF and your own eggs, the outcome is also very bismal due to the high rate of aneuploidy (abormal number of chromosomes) in the eggs. But IVF with donor eggs at your age is just as successful as IVF in a woman in her 20's.

So if you really want to be pregnant, you should consult an RE (I highly recommend Houston IVF) and see what they tell you.

If you really just want to be a mom, I say go for adoption.

You will be awesome no matter how you become a mommy. We are all still so sad for your loss of Corey. Big hugs!

thumpofmyheart · June 2010

Yes! Go for it! I don't have any experience with reversals or fertility treatments but I do know there are so, so many children that need a mommy to love them!! I would look into adoption if I were in your position...

missjake · June 2010

lilycat:
My heart goes out to you. Life takes turns and you know that better than most. When the time is right, it sounds like you have some very good options as mentioned above.

this. big hugs for you!

KKMMex · June 2010

TexasHarmony:

You can reverse it. It isn't guaranteed, but it is an option.

((hugs))

This. And more hugs.

And you never know about fertility. You could still be quite fertile at age 42. I think it's just a combination of genetics, health and luck. Until you try to get pregnant you just never know. I wish you all the luck and support in the world if you decide to go down this path. As one older gal to another.

Cajun_gal · June 2010

((hugs)) If it were me, I'd probably skip the reversal and do IVF (with own eggs and no success, then either donor eggs or adoption). Best of luck to you. I can only imagine how difficult everything is for you. I think you'd be a fantastic mom, no matter how you get there!

erica_kaspar · June 2010

Cajun_gal:
((hugs)) If it were me, I'd probably skip the reversal and do IVF (with own eggs and no success, then either donor eggs or adoption). Best of luck to you. I can only imagine how difficult everything is for you. I think you'd be a fantastic mom, no matter how you get there!

I agree with this approach and like others have said already no matter how you become a mom you are going to be an awesome one!

Pepper will always be here also for you to love on. Hugs Lex I can't even imagine how touch this is on you. I wish I had more advice but I'm always here to listen. Hugs

Sweet_Thang · June 2010

This is why I love all of you so much.

I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I am praying every day for guidance on what I want to do. It's a hard decision to make. But I believe that God is calling me to be a mommy, even at this late stage of 42/soon to be 43 yrs of age.

Thank you all for your support..... and oh.. I am getting that rocking glider... will be waiting for babysitting duties... LOL

CallMeKel · June 2010

Awwww, hugs! I would definitely look into a reversal.

somethingchangd · June 2010

I think everyone else did a pretty good job of talking options - IVF over reversal, possible egg donor, donor sperm or adoption. If you really want to attempt pregnancy I would head to an RE sooner rather than later to get a general picture of how things look. (42 can occassionally still mean "young" eggs, but is advanced maternal age and might lead to some additional difficulty in acheiving/maintaining pregnancy.)

Whatever you do, just know you'll have a huge support staff looking to help however we can.

ala_1220 · June 2010

Lexi, I'm so sorry and I can't imagine how tough it is. You do what is best for you and weigh all of your options. I know you would make a great mom no matter how you go about it!!!!

I will continue to keep you in my prayers!!!

SigmundsGirl · June 2010

Everyone gave great advice, so I just wanted to say that I know you will be a wonderful mommy and that I am keeping you in my prayers.

KKMMex · June 2010

Sweet_Thang:

I really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I am praying every day for guidance on what I want to do. It's a hard decision to make. But I believe that God is calling me to be a mommy, even at this late stage of 42/soon to be 43 yrs of age.

I understand this call and I'm very happy for you that you've received it. You'll be a fantastic mom. I have a wooden gliding rocker with matching footstool that also glides - you are welcome to it when you're ready.

IMFun · June 2010

dont' really have anything to add except that I think all of the options mentioned would be wonderful! YOu will make a wonderful mother.

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