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family relationships re: home study

amm78amm78 member
in Adoption
My husband and his brother go back and forth between getting along and not getting along.  Right now they are not getting along very well, but it is really one-sided with most of the negativity coming from his brother.  When we are completing the home study process, will it look bad for us if we don't have a very good relationship with his brother?
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Re: family relationships re: home study

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    I don't think so. I dare you to find any family where everyone gets along. My brother and I aren't best buds, and that didn't impact our homestudy. DH and his mom have had some rough spots, and that didn't impact our homestudy either.

    I guess my advice would be to be honest but not TOO honest. We didn't specifically say that we had troubled relationships with people, but we also didn't gush about how fabulous they were either.

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  • Sunny1sSunny1s

    My advice is to just be honest about your relationship but I would spare sharing nitty gritty details.  You don't have to be close with all members of your family.  What the agency is interested in learning about is who is your support system - who will you turn to, who will your future baby have in their lives.  I don't think a social worker would expect that you get along 100% with all members of your family.

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  • amm78amm78 member
    I guess I should add that there was an "anonymous" call made to our agency this morning that my husband is in treatment for depression and mental problems and that he is not taking his prescribed medication for depression.  We know that it was my husband's brother because very few other people know about the adoption and those that do would never be so hateful.  My husband has never been in counseling or treatment and has not been prescribed meds.  So, we can't really skirt around the issue with our agency now that they received that call.
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    imageamm78:
    I guess I should add that there was an "anonymous" call made to our agency this morning that my husband is in treatment for depression and mental problems and that he is not taking his prescribed medication for depression.  We know that it was my husband's brother because very few other people know about the adoption and those that do would never be so hateful.  My husband has never been in counseling or treatment and has not been prescribed meds.  So, we can't really skirt around the issue with our agency now that they received that call.

    OK, well that changes things a bit. I think you will need to focus on what kind of relationship you plan to have with your BIL and his family in light of your decision to adopt. Will you limit contact and rely on your support system as the pp noted? Is this someone your child will simply have a distant relationship with?

    And obviously you will need to address the anonymous call and possibly get a dr note on what your DH is/isn't being treated for.

    GL. I can't imagine that kind of toxicity among siblings.

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  • amm78amm78 member
    imageDr.Loretta:

    OK, well that changes things a bit. I think you will need to focus on what kind of relationship you plan to have with your BIL and his family in light of your decision to adopt. Will you limit contact and rely on your support system as the pp noted? Is this someone your child will simply have a distant relationship with?

    And obviously you will need to address the anonymous call and possibly get a dr note on what your DH is/isn't being treated for.

    GL. I can't imagine that kind of toxicity among siblings.

     

    The whole situation is really sad... my husband has really tried to smooth things over with his brother, but his brother just isn't a very happy person and has a history of depression and mental issues himself. 

     We spoke with the adoption agency this morning after they called my husband to question him about the issues brought up in the phone call they received.  She assured us that the anonymous call isn't going to mess things up for us.  We are still in the process of having our application approved, but she said that everything looks fine.  

     We definitely plan to have a very limited relationship with him... especially now that this has happened.  And our child will be protected from this kind of negativity as well. 

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  • hway24hway24 member
    imageamm78:

     We definitely plan to have a very limited relationship with him... especially now that this has happened.  And our child will be protected from this kind of negativity as well. 

    I think as long as you tell your SW that, you should be fine.

    After 2years TTC and 1yr,2mo waiting for an adoption match, our blessing is here!

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  • LadyRed7LadyRed7
    imagehway24:
    imageamm78:

     We definitely plan to have a very limited relationship with him... especially now that this has happened.  And our child will be protected from this kind of negativity as well. 

    I think as long as you tell your SW that, you should be fine.

     

    I agree with this.

    Like pp have mentioned, no family is perfect. Everyone has drama. Just be honest about it and focus more on all the positive people in your lives that will become part of your LO's life too!

    Good luck. 

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  • mrsdrkwavermrsdrkwaver
    well i openly talked about how i dont care for my father in law  and the my siblings are not very close how we are not best friends with them or anything like that and we are getting a baby so you should be fine what they asked is how do you feel about that and how do you work through it. thats all  you will be fine
    Proud Momma of our daughter Charlie! She found her forever home August 2010 Hope to be the proud momma of #2 in July
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