hmm...DH is anti-epidural.....

monkeyqueen · June 2010

He's so afraid that I'd wind up paralyzed if I got an epidural. He's putting the pressure on me to opt out. I'm not planning on getting one, but I am waiting to see how strong and early my friendly urge to push is this time before making a definitive decision.

Anything I can say to him to calm his fears? I'm very glad he is supportive of med-free, but I don't want him scared in the L&D room! He's already a good candidate for passing out on me!!!

megdrew1218 · June 2010

I'd present him with some solid research in favor of how safe an epi can be. So if you do get to that point, he's read up on both sides of it. I assume he's already read up on the negatives of it.

joeandmarsha · June 2010

Don't worry about DH because when it comes time if you need one, he will be the one asking for you!!

beebcaf · June 2010

My husband is like this as well. I just told him that I would also prefer to not get the epidural but I that only I will know what I can and can't handle. And if I do decide to get the epidural that I need him to be supportive. He seemed ok once we talked about it.

southernsweetieal · June 2010

like pp show him the information on how safe it is, and I think if it comes to where you are in enough pain to want one, he will not want you in pain, he will probably wanting relief for you.

BrittH05 · June 2010

My DH was this way with DS and needless to say after watching the pain I was in, he was yelling at the nurse wanting to know what was taking so long. When they see you and your pain and their is nothing they can do to comfort you all they want to do is get you out of that pain if you want out of that pain. I think the PP with the positive research is a good idea. You have to sign that paperwork, but the odds are beyond small you will be paralyzed.

mcadams1 · June 2010

well isn't that nice for him! ok, well he obviously cares about you but he needs to get his facts together. paralysis is not a common occurance. I don't know the stats but you should have him come to an ob appointment and talk to the dr. about the actual rate of that happening. Maybe that would help him calm down. If you search about it online, make sure its from somewhere reliable, like the mayo clinic etc. Its so easy to get distorted data on these kinds of issues.

mrsjenni · June 2010

joeandmarsha:
Don't worry about DH because when it comes time if you need one, he will be the one asking for you!!

This. If you are in pain and you need one, I think he'll be begging you to get one. It will make him more nervous to see you in so much pain...

Ready2006 · June 2010

Frankly, I hate posts like this. I get that it's common and that DHs get to have opinions, too, but it peeves me that men put pressure on us to get meds or not. Seriously? When was the last time they pushed a baby out of there?

That aside, I' a bit natural advocate--I feel strongly that it's best for me and I've spent a lot of time preparing to go natural with classes and practice.

Originally I planned to wing it just like you, but my Doc was pretty clear that that doesn't work well and recommended hypnobirthing classes. So, I'd relaly look into a technique you can practice if you're serious in wanting to go natural. Otherwise, I'd share some data on epidurals. While there are definite risks, there is also good literature that support their use and show the actual incidence of risks to be lower.

ChaseWalkersMom · June 2010

I never posted on this board---usually only the local board---but seriously, when he pushes the baby out that small little spot, he can make the decision about you getting an epidural.

monkeyqueen · June 2010

mcadams1:

well isn't that nice for him! ok, well he obviously cares about you but he needs to get his facts together. paralysis is not a common occurance. I don't know the stats but you should have him come to an ob appointment and talk to the dr. about the actual rate of that happening. Maybe that would help him calm down. If you search about it online, make sure its from somewhere reliable, like the mayo clinic etc. Its so easy to get distorted data on these kinds of issues.

Stats.! Of course! I'll show him stats!!! This silly thing is is that I've had both med-free and epidural L&D's with him present and he STILL wants me to go med-free:)

wifeandmama · June 2010

Was he there for your other 2 children? When it comes to the time of birth, everything goes out the window and he'll just want to see you be as happy and peaceful as can be.

taylorsue00 · June 2010

what do YOU want? when it comes down to it, thats alllllll that matters. he has been there for both epi and natural, so he has seen what it is like. so i wouldn't worry about easing his mind, just your pain.

aerobaby · June 2010

Well, it's good that he's is like that.. I on the other hand want to go med-free but DH keeps telling me I should get teh epi lol...

and you must of have gotton pregnant right after your second child... is that scary?

EmmaRain · June 2010

Paralysis from an epidural could only occur if the epidural is done in the completely wrong area, and I mean wrong by a LOT.

The spinal cord stops at the first lumbar verteba (L1). The epidural can be administered at L3, L4, or L5 (see link for an image). These are nowhere near the spinal cord. The fear of permanent paralysis from an epidural is almost an urban legend. It could only happen if someone really had no idea what they were doing. The CRNAs and anesthesiologists who give epidurals had to administer hundreds of epidurals to graduate from school. Tell your husband to rest easy, and if he is still concerned, talk to an L&D nurse or a CRNA at your hospital.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gray_111_-_Vertebral_column-coloured.png

monkeyqueen · June 2010

Ready2006:

Frankly, I hate posts like this. I get that it's common and that DHs get to have opinions, too, but it peeves me that men put pressure on us to get meds or not. Seriously? When was the last time they pushed a baby out of there?

That aside, I' a bit natural advocate--I feel strongly that it's best for me and I've spent a lot of time preparing to go natural with classes and practice.

Originally I planned to wing it just like you, but my Doc was pretty clear that that doesn't work well and recommended hypnobirthing classes. So, I'd relaly look into a technique you can practice if you're serious in wanting to go natural. Otherwise, I'd share some data on epidurals. While there are definite risks, there is also good literature that support their use and show the actual incidence of risks to be lower.

I'm not "winging" it.... I've actually done this (med-free) before and know how to prepare and am preparing. I also know what kind of Labours I have had and what I can possibly expect. I'm really hoping that it is not like last time, but there is not much I can do to change how it will go - I can only prepare for my worst - which I am.

I also told him when he is in L&D, then he can ultimately decide what to do with regards to pain-meds! He's just afraid - he's a softy:)

monkeyqueen · June 2010

aerobaby:

Well, it's good that he's is like that.. I on the other hand want to go med-free but DH keeps telling me I should get teh epi lol...

and you must of have gotton pregnant right after your second child... is that scary?

Not really scary, but more tiring than anything. But....Natalie is super easy baby and has been sleeping through the night since she was 3 months old, so that helps keep me sane:) Reliable birth control will definitely be on the top of the agenda this time, lol! But, now it's great and I'm very excited about my girls getting a little brother!

kaiteedidit · June 2010

I'd tell him that he gets an opinion about it when it's him pushing a baby out. I understand he is concerned for you but seriously, have you ever actually heard of someone becoming paralyzed from their epidural, I haven't.

monkeyqueen · June 2010

EmmaRain:

Paralysis from an epidural could only occur if the epidural is done in the completely wrong area, and I mean wrong by a LOT.

The spinal cord stops at the first lumbar verteba (L1). The epidural can be administered at L3, L4, or L5 (see link for an image). These are nowhere near the spinal cord. The fear of permanent paralysis from an epidural is almost an urban legend. It could only happen if someone really had no idea what they were doing. The CRNAs and anesthesiologists who give epidurals had to administer hundreds of epidurals to graduate from school. Tell your husband to rest easy, and if he is still concerned, talk to an L&D nurse or a CRNA at your hospital.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gray_111_-_Vertebral_column-coloured.png

Thanks! I'll have to show him stuff like this...... Heaven forbid he actually look something up on his own:) I find it funny that he's more worried about all this this time, whereas with my past L&D's he wasn't nearly as worried - he was much more "go with the flow" or rather, do what my wife tells me to do!

Ready2006 · June 2010

monkeyqueen:
Ready2006:

Frankly, I hate posts like this. I get that it's common and that DHs get to have opinions, too, but it peeves me that men put pressure on us to get meds or not. Seriously? When was the last time they pushed a baby out of there?

That aside, I' a bit natural advocate--I feel strongly that it's best for me and I've spent a lot of time preparing to go natural with classes and practice.

Originally I planned to wing it just like you, but my Doc was pretty clear that that doesn't work well and recommended hypnobirthing classes. So, I'd relaly look into a technique you can practice if you're serious in wanting to go natural. Otherwise, I'd share some data on epidurals. While there are definite risks, there is also good literature that support their use and show the actual incidence of risks to be lower.

I'm not "winging" it.... I've actually done this (med-free) before and know how to prepare and am preparing. I also know what kind of Labours I have had and what I can possibly expect. I'm really hoping that it is not like last time, but there is not much I can do to change how it will go - I can only prepare for my worst - which I am.

I also told him when he is in L&D, then he can ultimately decide what to do with regards to pain-meds! He's just afraid - he's a softy:)

Haha, I didn't even notice your siggys! I didn't realize any of that from your OP. You're all set, then. If he sees you are REALLY in pain (back labor or something) and you want an epi, I'm sure his fears will be cast aside with concern over your well-being. DH would be the same way. While I definitely plan to go without, I also know that it's available and an option if I need it and find that reassurng.

Good luck!

VandRicky · June 2010

my husband isn't a big softie but he cried when I got my epi. When they come and give it to you they have to (by law) warn you of all the risks of an epi and make you sign papers. He cried when he heard all the risks. It's scary for sure but honestly, I don't know what I would do to calm his fears. Maybe have him come to one of your appts andhave him talk to your OB?

vjustice83 · June 2010

I find it odd that your DH still has this fear with LO #3. He should know by now that modern medicine has come a long way from where it used to be. If you do get an epi he needs to know that the person giving you this has been trained in this line of work, and there is a reason they call it a specialty...he/she has had a ton of training and continues to get more as the years go by. Unless your anesthesiologist is Mr.Magoo with 6 inch thick glasses from the pre-historic age you should be more than fine. Also until he pushes that baby out himself he has no say in the end and if he is mad bc you needed that relief to take the edge off and get LO out then he has a problem he needs to work on, not you. Good luck I hope you can get this all worked out

)

ames71 · June 2010

Next time he gets a tooth pulled tell him that you would like to decide whether or not he gets novocaine.

rlscheck · June 2010

I heard from an OB nurse one time that occasionally moms who are coming in for baby #3 or more and had great deliveries before are more anxious because if the first 2 births went great, then this one has to have something go wrong. Maybe he's feeling the same way?

InLovewSB · June 2010

He just sounds concerned. I bet when the time comes that his sympathy and compassion at seeing you suffering so greatly and in so much pain will overcome his fear that you'd end up paralyzed. (When the time comes, the nurses will be able to talk some "sense" to him.)

Unknown · June 2010

This content has been removed.

preciousmetal · June 2010

My DH had many of the same concerns. I just had him talk to the anestesiologist before the procedure was done. That really relaxed him. GL.

aldyn · June 2010

To echo what others have said, my DH was relieved when I finally gave in and got the epidural. I ended up having to be induced (water broke and I never went into labor), and after 7 hours of pitocin, I just couldn't take it anymore and while DH was trying what he could to support me, he obviously couldn't take the pain away. I think he was grateful to see me stop suffering so much.

haleybeth81 · June 2010

It is very rare to be paralyzed or even have complications. The most common complication is pain at the site or a spinal headache. I would also let him know he can skip on the epidural when he's having the baby

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