do any of you ladies..

amorebella324 · June 2010

Ever worry about your LO's being around your X's g/f(s)? I know for some of you that were with your X when you had LO it may be different. But i worry about that a lot. Not that my X is even in the picture what-so-ever right now, but if he would decide to try and be a father to my daughter, I don't know how i could handle him having her around other girls. I mean i know she's not even born yet but I wouldn't even be able to trust him with her, let alone some random girl. Maybe im worrying about this for no reason but its something that i think of and it scares me. I mean i haven't heard from him in months so maybe that's how it will continue to be but i cant help but plan for the worst.

dimake · June 2010

I worry that STBXH will bring the girls around the homewrecker... they used to have "playdates" together before I knew they were dating (that would NOT have gone over with me at all if I'd know it for sure). I don't think he does right now just because of the timing of visitation (usually he has them during the week, during the day before normal people get off of work) and I am pretty sure she has her kid too when he has overnights, and that would be a bit complicated. Ultimately I can't do anything about it so I try not to stress too much.

peeps61308 · June 2010

I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her. That being said, I don't think DB will ever be involved in DD's life UNLESS he meets someone that pushes him to have a relationship.

SherlockWiz · June 2010

This is something I worry very much about. My LO isn't here yet either but I get pretty anxious thinking about my LO being around my X's gf, mostly because she's kinda young. I want to stay positive and tell myself it takes a village to raise a child and she might be some help, but I can't convince myself of that.

amorebella324 · June 2010

peeps61308:
I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her. That being said, I don't think DB will ever be involved in DD's life UNLESS he meets someone that pushes him to have a relationship.

That's another thing that worries me. I want him to be a part of her life because HE truly wants to be, and i mean if he doesn't then so be it. And maybe people don't agree with this but i'd rather him not be involved at all rather than be a half-a$$ed (if that) father because someone else pushed him into it, ya know?

achase123 · June 2010

Yes, because likely they would be some sort of crack whore. That being said, DB will probably be in jail here shortly....so it's not really an issue. I sort of push it out of my mind because he is so out of it right now he barely knows what day of the week it is. I doubt he could facilitate a relationship (or at least a lasting one) at this point with anyone.

amorebella324 · June 2010

achase123:
Yes, because likely they would be some sort of crack whore. That being said, DB will probably be in jail here shortly....so it's not really an issue. I sort of push it out of my mind because he is so out of it right now he barely knows what day of the week it is. I doubt he could facilitate a relationship (or at least a lasting one) at this point with anyone.

Well at least that's one less thing for you to have to worry about right now!

Oh and PS: 3 days! that's awesome!!!

blondnearby · June 2010

My stbx does bring his FI around my DDs and I even allowed her to come to a Bday party one year.... I can't stand her what-so-ever. Some of its age (she was 16) and some of its just her in general. She has posted slander and libel about me on myspace. She has insulted my intelligence numerous times and posted publicly that she thinks I am crazy. I wish she would fall off the face of the earth... However, that wont happen since she is pregnant with his child and is due in less than a month. ugh. Hopefully your exs all have better sense then mine...

peeps61308 · June 2010

amorebella324:

peeps61308:
I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her. That being said, I don't think DB will ever be involved in DD's life UNLESS he meets someone that pushes him to have a relationship.

That's another thing that worries me. I want him to be a part of her life because HE truly wants to be, and i mean if he doesn't then so be it. And maybe people don't agree with this but i'd rather him not be involved at all rather than be a half-a$$ed (if that) father because someone else pushed him into it, ya know?

I totally agree with everything you said. I am just hoping that he continues to choose to be out of the picture because it makes my life so much easier and I think it will be better for DD not to have him pop in and out at will.

mrgn · June 2010

peeps61308:
I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her.

This, exactly.

dimake · June 2010

I honestly hope I like H's NEXT gf. However, I think he's ruined his rep so much that I don't think a quality female would ever date a 30-something guy who cheated on his pregnant wife. I will never acknowledge his relationship with the homewrecker as legitimate.

taylorsue00 · June 2010

to be honest this is something i am sooo terrified of. i saw that both my parents had such a hard time with my having a step mom & step dad.

i remember my step mom would always say infront of my mom 'i know everything about my daughter (meaning me)' and like 'me and my daughter did this and that'.... things like that. and it just crushed my mother, and the truth was i couldn't stand my step mom and she said it just to spite my mom. i can't imagine having to deal with that. and ever since i left my dad's house i have not had a relationship with my step mom. so idk... i feel very uneasy about this situation from my experience.

DarthNBJenni · June 2010

You can write this into your visitation paperwork. Neither my ex or I are allowed to have visitors of the opposite sex around the girls overnight. This helps me sleep better at night knowing some little teenage girl isn't playing "house" with my children.

haleyw458 · June 2010

Yes, I hated when X brought random girls around DS. To me, it means a lot for a guy to meet DS, and it kinda bothers me that X doesn't feel the same way.

alibabbbs · June 2010

peeps61308:
amorebella324:

peeps61308:
I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her. That being said, I don't think DB will ever be involved in DD's life UNLESS he meets someone that pushes him to have a relationship.

That's another thing that worries me. I want him to be a part of her life because HE truly wants to be, and i mean if he doesn't then so be it. And maybe people don't agree with this but i'd rather him not be involved at all rather than be a half-a$$ed (if that) father because someone else pushed him into it, ya know?

I totally agree with everything you said. I am just hoping that he continues to choose to be out of the picture because it makes my life so much easier and I think it will be better for DD not to have him pop in and out at will.

I feel the exact same way. Even though I feel guilty because I wonder if it's selfish, my life is so, so, so much easier now that I haven't seen Deadbeat for 3 weeks. But seriously, it can't be good/better for DS to have his dad in and out at his convenience, right?

kjh44 · June 2010

Personally, I was terrified of this. X and I talked about it and we agreed that DD wasn't to be introduced to any SO/GF/BF unless it got serious (like marriage serious). Since I'd be BFing until she is close to a year anyways, he wouldn't be able to do much with her until after then. So, if you think X is going to be around you need to lay it down (or have it written up) that he is not able to bring any SO's around LO unless it becomes serious and then you and he will discuss the meeting of them. IMO that is the best thing to do, but I haven't personally had to do that and it doesn't look like I'll have to right now, so I cannot say as a matter of fact.

SnowflakeBaby2009 · June 2010

The thought of SD's FI near my son makes me sick to my stomach. She HATES children. That was the reason they called off their wedding and he got me pregnant. He wanted a baby, and she refused to give him one. I don't want her near my child. I know she is the type to hit/yell at/punish, and I swear IF he ever sees DS, which I'm fighting my hardest so he won't, and I find out she even used a tone with my DS, it will be on. Not to mention (no offense to anyone) she is into 3somes & SandM stuff, and I swear that BETTER not be going on with my son in the house.

Mominator · June 2010

My exH and I have a deal that I/we need to be in a committed relationship before we even think about bringing anyone around our kids AND we have to meet the SO before the kids do. Honestly, my exH is such a player, I highly doubt he'll be in any type of committed relationship anytime soon, so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Of course, I also have a unique perspective because I have "been there, done that" with my oldest DS. His Dad is remarried and I am actually friends with his wife and threw her baby shower with their first. I trust her implicitly with my son, she has always been wonderful with him. I just hope I get that lucky if exH ever meets someone.

taylorsue00 · June 2010

Mominator:

My exH and I have a deal that I/we need to be in a committed relationship before we even think about bringing anyone around our kids AND we have to meet the SO before the kids do. Honestly, my exH is such a player, I highly doubt he'll be in any type of committed relationship anytime soon, so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Of course, I also have a unique perspective because I have "been there, done that" with my oldest DS. His Dad is remarried and I am actually friends with his wife and threw her baby shower with their first. I trust her implicitly with my son, she has always been wonderful with him. I just hope I get that lucky if exH ever meets someone.

wow!! that is very mature of you!! i dont think i could ever do something like that.

Yessa83 · June 2010

amorebella324:
Ever worry about your LO's being around your X's g/f(s)? I know for some of you that were with your X when you had LO it may be different. But i worry about that a lot. Not that my X is even in the picture what-so-ever right now, but if he would decide to try and be a father to my daughter, I don't know how i could handle him having her around other girls. I mean i know she's not even born yet but I wouldn't even be able to trust him with her, let alone some random girl. Maybe im worrying about this for no reason but its something that i think of and it scares me. I mean i haven't heard from him in months so maybe that's how it will continue to be but i cant help but plan for the worst.

I totally know what you're going through. My STBXH has been with his gf pretty much since I moved out in April (and we're not even divorced yet). And I still feel funny about Lily being around her. I know she's had 2 kids of her own, but that doesn't mean I can trust her. And you're not worrying for no reason. The reason is your LO. It's a natural motherly instinct to want your child to be safe when you're not around.

amorebella324 · June 2010

alibabbbs:
peeps61308:
amorebella324:

peeps61308:
I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her. That being said, I don't think DB will ever be involved in DD's life UNLESS he meets someone that pushes him to have a relationship.

That's another thing that worries me. I want him to be a part of her life because HE truly wants to be, and i mean if he doesn't then so be it. And maybe people don't agree with this but i'd rather him not be involved at all rather than be a half-a$$ed (if that) father because someone else pushed him into it, ya know?

I totally agree with everything you said. I am just hoping that he continues to choose to be out of the picture because it makes my life so much easier and I think it will be better for DD not to have him pop in and out at will.
I feel the exact same way. Even though I feel guilty because I wonder if it's selfish, my life is so, so, so much easier now that I haven't seen Deadbeat for 3 weeks. But seriously, it can't be good/better for DS to have his dad in and out at his convenience, right?

As selfish as it may sound I am right there with you ladies too. And i dont necessarily think its selfishness either, but it's not healthy for our LO's to have these sad excuses for father figures wandering in and out of their lives as they please.

amorebella324 · June 2010

Thanks for all the feedback ladies. Not that I want other people to feel the way I do about all this but I am glad i'm not alone in thinking this way. I guess it's just something I will have to deal with in the future if dbag even decides to be in the picture, which by the looks of it right now, he wont. Because God forbid he put anyone or anything in front of his lil bimbo haha.

r9stedt · June 2010

peeps61308:
I hope that if DB ever gets remarried it is to someone that will love DD and not resent her. .

This.

I have been dating the same guy for almost 6 months. (um, holy crap!!) He has been around my son more times than I can count, and has been around his parents/extended family as well-- birthdays, easter, memorial day. I'm not sure if Lucas realizes if we are anything more than friends because we really don't kiss or anything in front of him. Not sure if he realizes it is different than my sister or my best friends who come over just as often? IDK.

It does bother me about exH's gfs because he can't keep one longer than two weeks. I know he has let Lucas play with one exGF's kids (loooong story). I worry because the quality the exH is picking right now, isn't up to my standards of who I would pick for exH and as a step-mom for Lucas. However, I think exH is interested in something different than a real relationship. I wish he would make smart decisions and date women that will be good role models for Lucas. I also wish that exH picks a woman that he will treat with the highest respect and show Lucas how a relationship SHOULD be instead of what exH and I had.

I hope that in the future, when/if exH does remarry/in a serious relationship, the woman and I will be able to get along well, and be able to but Lucas' best interest first and foremost. I hope that the exH wouldn't put up with anyone who resents him, or treats him as second class because he is a "step".

(Whew. I'm windy today!)

ExH doesn't like my BF. Can't stand him. Refuses to meet him. Tries to stalk him on FB, tries to prod our mutual friends for information, etc. I have more than once told him that he could ask me questions about BF if he wanted to know, but he doesn't want to go that method.

fauxshelley · June 2010

dimake:
I honestly hope I like H's NEXT gf. However, I think he's ruined his rep so much that I don't think a quality female would ever date a 30-something guy who cheated on his pregnant wife. I will never acknowledge his relationship with the homewrecker as legitimate.

Were we married to the same guy?

Want a personalized experience?

do any of you ladies..

Re: do any of you ladies..

Choose Another Board

Search Boards