Blighted Ovum Support

abcNC · June 2010

Yesterday my mom said that it must be a generational thing that I considered our pregnancy a "real" pregnancy since there was never really a baby. My baby-daddy (aka my amazing DH) came to my defense later that night and said, it's a baby from the moment you start to care for it and care about it. From the time I started to change my eating habits, plan for the future, and feel that indescribable, amazing joy, I was a mother. Maybe it was only a sac but to me it was "real".

PS. I know my mom meant no harm and her thoughts on the subject are certainly shared by many (some of my friends included) but for those Blighted Ovum women out there, it was real!

abcNC · June 2010

I just reread the title to my post and it sounds terrible. I hope you can see the sarcasm/frustration in it as opposed to reading it literally. Also, for those of you out there who had an anembryonic pregnancy (blighted ovum), I would really like to hear your stories. I hope we can all have better outcomes the next time around!

millejj1 · June 2010

I didn't have a blighted ovum, but I want to tell you and all of the other ladies that did, that you are mom's too and your loss is just as significant as anybody's. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions were the same, and so you have the right to mourn the same as anyone else!

I'm sorry that you all have to deal with people saying your pregnancy was not "real" in addition to everything else.

Lissa832 · June 2010

Uh, your mom sounds like a douche right now. Of course it was a real pregnancy. You got a BFP, didn't you? How could you not consider it a "real" pregnancy? You wouldn't have known it was a BO until you had an u/s. Should every pregnant women not consider themselves pregnant until they have an u/s and see a baby? And, if there is no baby, should you just say it is a "throw away" pregnancy?

What about women who had m/c? Do they not have "real" pregnancies either because their babies stopped developing and died? What is a "real" pregnancy anyway? Is it a pregnancy that results in bringing home a baby?

With all due respect, your mom should be completely and utterly ashamed of herself. I don't believe it is a generational thing. I think it a respect and compassion thing to not say something so ridiculous, insensitive, and stupid thing to someone who is suffering.

*K · June 2010

Lissa832:
Uh, your mom sounds like a douche right now. Of course it was a real pregnancy. You got a BFP, didn't you? How could you not consider it a "real" pregnancy? You wouldn't have known it was a BO until you had an u/s. Should every pregnant women not consider themselves pregnant until they have an u/s and see a baby? And, if there is no baby, should you just say it is a "throw away" pregnancy?
What about women who had m/c? Do they not have "real" pregnancies either because their babies stopped developing and died? What is a "real" pregnancy anyway? Is it a pregnancy that results in bringing home a baby?
With all due respect, your mom should be completely and utterly ashamed of herself. I don't believe it is a generational thing. I think it a respect and compassion thing to not say something so ridiculous, insensitive, and stupid thing to someone who is suffering.

Agreed. A pregnancy resulting in a blighted ovum starts out just like a pregnancy that results in a baby coming home. Many pregnancies stop developing at different stages along the way and unfortunately for many it's much too soon.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but also sorry that you have to deal with others who are minimizing the terrible loss you have suffered.

LacieMI · June 2010

I had a blighted ovum that was discovered 2 weeks ago at our first ultrasound (8 weeks). I may be in the minority, but I will share how I have been coping through this loss. Please be mindful that this is my experience, and my perspective. I do not expect anyone to agree with me, nor do I judge anyone who feels differently, after having been in a similar situation. This is just how my heart and brain are processing this event:

I am very thankful that I never saw a baby on the ultrasound screen. I am grateful that if this pregnancy was going to end in a loss, I am thankful I never got to see a cute little beating heart. Walking into the ultraound room for the first time, my doctor said "lets go see the little jumping bean movin' around". I could just about picture in my head, what I was hopeful to see. But now I know that if a miscarriage was pending, I am thankful to have been spared the visual elation, if it wasn't going to become my take-home baby. I feel that having a blighted ovum has protected me from another level of pain and heartache.

Dont get me wrong, seeing the empty gestational sac was very sad heartbreaking. The loss of (my very real) pregnancy is devistating. The loss of hopes, dreams, excitement, baby gear, and maternity wear is unforgettable. The internal confusion of "where did it go??" has been an ongoing struggle. Never really knowing how much I should be crying, or for that matter, moving forward, because I can't really say for certain what exactly I have lost.

I am working towards having peace. Trying to be thankful for what I have missed, but being mindful of what I have lost.

abcNC · June 2010

Thank you for sharing your support and feelings. I am so sorry if my post seemed to minimize what we've gone through. I meant for it to be a hopeful/positive response to a hurtful thing that some people can say. I'm not really mad at my mom or anyone else for saying that, though, because most people don't say insensitive things to be mean (usually it's just ignorance or lack of thought before speaking).

My BFP was Easter and I miscarried naturally around 8.5 weeks. When we found out we were pregnant, it changed my life and I'm so grateful for it, even though it didn't result in bringing our baby home. My husband's words cut straight to the heart of the matter for me and they were so beautiful and hopeful that I wanted to share them on here.

Also, I posted this comment to try to connect with other women who had had BOs (espeially because I don't know anyone IRL) but I didn't mean to be hurtful. I'm so sorry if it was!

Thank you to everyone on here for your support and care. This is a great group of women who have really inspired me.

BlakeG · June 2010

I don't think anyone is finding your post hurtful. I think its more that we are angry about what your mother said (even if you are able to let it go). I had a blighted ovum and let me tell you, it was REAL. Just like any other pregnancy, the egg was fertilized, it implanted, a sac developed. Just because the cell division of my egg stopped there doesn't mean it wasn't real. If I saw a fetal pole but no hb would your mom have considered it real then? I had a positive pregnancy test, I was nauseous, I was bloated, I was exhausted for 2 months. That is very real to me. Yes a BO stops developing soon then another type of m/c but it is still a m/c.

As I said, it's not that we're venting out frustration on you but on your mom and anyone like her who believes that our pregnancies aren't real.

liveforhim · June 2010

I, too, was diagnosed with a Blighted Ovum at8w6d. I am currently 10w3d and still waiting to miscarry. I have done so much research on this and have learned so much about it. I agree that from the moment you prepare to have that little one and see those lines you become a mother. It was a real pregnancy and there was a baby that just didn't develop past implantation or a certain week. Sorry she had to say that, but happy to hear your DH was so thoughtful:)

leigh10784 · June 2010

I also was diagnoased with a BO at 9w6d. It was a week after my grandfather at passed away. It was our first pregnancy and I was devastated when we found it. I didn't think much was going on other than a little spotting because I had been very fatigued as well as nausous. That is when they did an u/s and found the empty sac. I also agree with everyone else that once you get that postive and know you are carrying a child you become a mother. I am still having a hard time coping with this because I am still bleeding/spot. I feel it is a constant reminder that we have lost our baby. My DH is trying to be as supportive as he can but he has said he doesn't really know what to do.

abcNC · June 2010

::hugs:: thank you for writing about your experiences. I am so sorry for your losses. Hopefully we can keep up with each other to see how things work out. Have any of you been given any reason for your BO? I'm going to have my bloodwork done next Friday to see if I have naturally low progesterone (my prog was 5 and I was measuring a week behind so that's how they knew I would miscarry). I'm hoping it was just low because the pregnancy wasn't viable NOT because it's low in general. Fingers crossed. Please stay in touch and to those of you still "knee-deep", hang in there. It'll be okay.

BlakeG · June 2010

My OB told me that generally BOs are caused by a chromosomal issue and are usually a fluke. Typically there was a "bad quality" egg or sperm. Very rarely does a woman experience two blighted ovums and recurrent blighted ovums are usually due to underlying genetic issues not low progesterone. I'm sure all docs say different things but this is what I was told and what I read online as well.

maddiemoon43 · June 2010

LacieMI:

I had a blighted ovum that was discovered 2 weeks ago at our first ultrasound (8 weeks). I may be in the minority, but I will share how I have been coping through this loss. Please be mindful that this is my experience, and my perspective. I do not expect anyone to agree with me, nor do I judge anyone who feels differently, after having been in a similar situation. This is just how my heart and brain are processing this event:

I am very thankful that I never saw a baby on the ultrasound screen. I am grateful that if this pregnancy was going to end in a loss, I am thankful I never got to see a cute little beating heart. Walking into the ultraound room for the first time, my doctor said "lets go see the little jumping bean movin' around". I could just about picture in my head, what I was hopeful to see. But now I know that if a miscarriage was pending, I am thankful to have been spared the visual elation, if it wasn't going to become my take-home baby. I feel that having a blighted ovum has protected me from another level of pain and heartache.

Dont get me wrong, seeing the empty gestational sac was very sad heartbreaking. The loss of (my very real) pregnancy is devistating. The loss of hopes, dreams, excitement, baby gear, and maternity wear is unforgettable. The internal confusion of "where did it go??" has been an ongoing struggle. Never really knowing how much I should be crying, or for that matter, moving forward, because I can't really say for certain what exactly I have lost.

I am working towards having peace. Trying to be thankful for what I have missed, but being mindful of what I have lost.

Thanks for sharing this. I can't imagine that it has been any more or less confusing or difficult than for all of the others on this board with losses, but certainly different. You wouldn't think that lab techs, Drs., AND your body could all be in on this giant conspiracy to fool you...

OP - I am so sorry that you haven't had the unconditional support of your mom through this. Even if my mom ever thought something like that, I would certainly hope she could keep it to herself. I hope you know (from my very tardy private messages... Embarrassed ), that I feel all of this has been as real as you do.

maddiemoon43 · June 2010

BlakeG:
My OB told me that generally BOs are caused by a chromosomal issue and are usually a fluke. Typically there was a "bad quality" egg or sperm. Very rarely does a woman experience two blighted ovums and recurrent blighted ovums are usually due to underlying genetic issues not low progesterone. I'm sure all docs say different things but this is what I was told and what I read online as well.

I think I love you, can I hold you to this? Big Smile

I haven't looked at anything online about this since it was confirmed. I read a lot after the suspicious u/s, but nothing since HCGs levels were confirmed to be dropping.

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