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forced into daycare
I'm 18 weeks pregnant and looking into our future plans for work my sister had agreed to watch my daughter two days a week. She works three days a week and has a 2 year old and a 9 month old. Just recently she told me she is no longer willing to watch my child for me because by the time I have her my nephew will be a year old and it will be easier for her to go places and will have more freedom to do so, but with an infant she will be stuck house bound on two of her four days off. So now I dont know what to do, I have no other family that can watch my child but I really don't want to put her in day care. I'm pretty much getting forced into it. My husband works retail and is on the road alot so we can't alternate schedules. I would much rather not go back to work but we can't live on just my husband's salary. I'm in a nightmare and I'm super aggitated....sorry had to vent!
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Re: forced into daycare
That stinks, but fortunately you still have plenty of time to look into other options. Sounds like she wouldn't have been the best option anyway if she has backed out so soon.
If you've lurked on this board at all, you know many of us on here are really happy with daycare. This being your first child, I'm just wondering what you have against it? Perhaps you should look into it; it seems as if it's more about not wanting to go back to work than the childcare itself. I am sure it would seem easier to send them with a loved one if you were not really wanting to return to work.
I use daycare, and I'll tell you, if my SIL quit work tomorrow and said she wanted to watch my kids, I'd still send mine to daycare. And she's great with kids. There are all kinds of things that get tricky with relatives watching your kids--eg., honoring your naptimes, discipline style, food choices, etc. It's easier to deal with this when you are in a daycare with established rules, OR you are employing someone to follow your way of child rearing.
Best of luck--as I said, you have plenty of time to consider daycare, in-home daycare or a nanny, so your sister did you a favor at least telling you this soon.
This is a natural way to feel at first, and I was very uncomfortable with it in the beginning, but the reality of daycare (at least in our experience) is far better than you imagine.
First of all, DS's caregivers spend many hours a day with him. They know him and are very very caring. At daycare, their entire day is dedicated to caring for and playing with my DS and his "classmates". Furthermore, the facility is closely monitored by the state. It is safe and very clean. There is even a webcam that I can check while my son is there to watch him in the infant room. They also take the children on walks in the buggy (it has four seats and they all look so cute tooling around the neighborhood), and take them to a shaded area outside where there are age-appropriate toys for them to play with.
You never know if you'll like sending your LO to daycare or not until you try it. My children are watched by family and daycare and I like the daycare better. They are very good at what they do and my kids love them. Here's a tip, they aren't strangers when you get to know them. You need to change your attitude about being "forced" into daycare and make the best of it.
We started with the state's list of licensed centers and went and visited about 5 of them. We had certain things we were looking for (them providing food, school-like learning, etc) and went with our gut when choosing one.
You have some time, so start looking around. Do you have a child care resource/referral center in your area? I basically looked in the phone book and started calling around, did research online, looked on the Dept of Social Services website and then went to visit some different places. Ask any friends that you know who have kids in daycare for referrals. Do your research.
I don't know why people get so worked up over the word "daycare". My DS is so happy at school and loves being there- we really trust his teachers and he's given excellent care at school. I would prefer him to be there where he doesn't see tv, eats healthy and well balanced meals, learns many things, plays with kids his own age, crafts. All those are things that he would be missing out on if he didn't go there.
Unless you're planning on homeschooling, your children will eventually be watched by 'strangers'. Just pick a day care that has qualified teachers.
exactly.
Nobody's family is required to watch other children in their family... so it's not like you are in an odd situation --- MOST people do NOT have family watching their children.
I love our daycare - the kids learn so much there. My mom watches my twins one day a week and I actually want to be able to afford to put them in daycare that day (they go 2 days now) so they will be AT DAYCARE an extra day - b/c I feel it benefits them in so many ways that my mom just can't do for them.
Sure- it sucks she said she'd watch your baby and then backed out- but be happy you found out now and not a week after you went back to work and then suddenly were scrambling to find child care. Now you have time to find some good quality care.
Most people are nervous at first, but for most people its the only option. I didn't feel forced into anything because it was there were no alternatives for us - no family or alternate schedules.
They are only strangers at first. We love our daycare providers. DD loves our daycare providers and they love her. The ones from her old room still come out to give her hugs everytime we pass by the room.
As much as I would love to be home with her or have her with her grandmother, I know how much she benefits from daycare and love seeing all the new things she learns there. Also, we have a center daycare and I love the stability of it. I don't have to worry if the family member is sick or where they are driving, etc.
Try to relax and just start looking. You want to start getting on some waiting lists as soon as you can.
I think sending DS to daycare is one of the best decisions we have made. Our DCP is like family to us already. She loves DS and is honestly concerned with his health and well being. He gets to socialize with other kids and other adults. Sometimes, I feel better leaving DS with her over DH!
You have plenty of time to figure out something that works for you. Ask around work or your friends. Have facebook? Put out a call for recs. I have done this alot for other things and the responses are great! Our DCP was rec'd by a good friend and I think this is the way to go.
When I started looking for daycare, I started with the list of licensed providers in my part of Massachusetts (two links below for you to use). And DH and I just called a lot. Honestly, one of the first questions to ask is if they will have openings for infants for when you are looking. We were looking at in home daycares, and many did not since they are limited on how many infants they can have in their care. It ruled out a lot. Meet with many people. The person we went with just felt right. We knew it when we left her house. And many we met with were not right at all, but those meetings are worth your time. We are happy with her, and she truly loves DS. And DS loves her. You can tell by his smile when he sees her in the mornings.
And honestly, I would say daycare will be better for your LO than the family member you were going to use. I just think that if their excuse was about not being able to do things with their own kid, clearly your child would not be a priority for them. When you go with a paid professional, your child is the priority because this is their job.
https://www.eec.state.ma.us/ChildCareSearch/EarlyEduMap.aspx
https://www.eec.state.ma.us/ChildCareSearch/activeproviders.aspx
They aren't strangers. Sure, you haven't met them yet, but you have a lot of time to visit them and get to know them.
The daycare providers who care for my child are like family. They love her and take wonderful care of her. She loves them too. I know it's overwhelming now, but your child will thrive in quality child care, just like all of ours have.
Good luck!
Thanks, those will be helpful! I'd much rather send my daughter to day care than someone that doesn't want to be with her.