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Trying to Get Pregnant
A letter of apology
**Warning*** Pregnancy ticker and ultrasound in signature
The Bump has been a great sense of community for me so far. It is a place for us to share how we feel, to ask advice, to find a pen pal. Here, you fall in love with the people through their posts; you feel for them when they struggle, you celebrate their happiness and joys with them, you laugh at jokes and cry at their heartaches. Complete strangers. Who knew you could care so much about complete strangers?
Today
was hurtful for everyone and I am at fault. My first mistake was to
share with the 2nd trimester board that I am struggling with my weight. I
should not be complaining, my baby is healthy as far as we know, but
still I felt like I needed someone to talk to about it, and so I posted.
Please let me explain where my concern with my weight is coming
from. 115 lbs and a healthy baby. I should be in my glory, or so I'm
told. But I am not healthy, my body does not work correctly, and I
constantly have to undergo GI scopes and endoscopies and my life depends
on the medicines I take. I spent the first 17 weeks of my pregnancy
bedridden and throwing up anywhere from 2 - 12 times a day. It feels
awful to have your doctor tell you that because you cannot gain weight,
you are doing harm to your child. As far as we know, the medicines I
take to get me to my current weight have not effected my unborn baby,
but we are not sure, and so I am worried. And I wanted so badly for
someone to say they were going through the same thing I was. I didn't
mean to come off as passive-aggressive, and it was nicely explained to
me by a fellow poster as to why this could be construed as a jerk thing
to post. So I will apologize if my post about weight came off as
offensive to anyone.
Secondly, I made a huge mistake of clicking on a page
called "trying to get pregnant" for the first time. I didn't read too
many posts, and I only stayed a minute. In that one minute, I saw a
post entitled BFN and my heart sunk for this stranger. I realize that
people go through hell and back to have a baby and my heart aches for
them. And so I brought up the only thing that got me through a BFN:
reading a pregnancy book and having the doctor write that she has been
shocked time and time again at how successful taking a simple
decongestant can be when trying to get pregnant. I PROMISE you, I did
not mean to insult anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, and I certainly was
not trying to rub the fact that I am pregnant in anyone's face. I knew
that there were times when I needed a bit of hope, a rainbow at the end
of a trying period, and that reading that small paragraph in a book and
to have a doctor tell me that there was something silly that I could
try, really helped me once. And my only thought this morning was that
if this advice that I so greatly cherished -- even if it is common
knowledge to everyone on this earth except me and one other person --
could give someone a light at the end of a scary tunnel, it was worth
mentioning. I am aware that this is not a surefire way to get pregnant
and it is not a miracle solution. Was I out of place? Absolutely. I
did not belong on that board and I do not know anything of what happens
there. Did anyone ask for my advice? Nope. And next time I will keep
quiet and save my tidbits of information for close friends and family.
Please know that I do now realize that many of you on these TTC boards
have gone through years of struggles and treatments and even a pregnancy
ticker is a gentle reminder of the constant battles you are going
through. And please know that I am so so sorry if I hurt any of you.
I've spent the entire day crying about this. About this
website that I thought so highly of just yesterday. About the fact that
I hurt feelings. There were some people who were extremely nice to me
(and I thank you from the bottom of my heart), and some that were pretty
awful. I can now say I completely understand how teenagers these days
can be so impacted by cyber bullying. I remember being taught that
rhyme as a little girl, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names
can never hurt me" and I wish I had tougher skin to have brushed all of
these awful comments off as if they did not bother me. But I cannot say I
am naive enough not to realize that my words have hurt a lot of you
today, too. Please know, from the bottom of my heart, this was not my
intention and I wish only the best for all of you.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A letter of apology
My advice to you would be to take out the first part before many more people read this. The ladies on this board don't need to read about your weight issues during your pregnancy.
I'm not trying to be snarky, but that part just doesn't apply here. Seriously, take it out.
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
Thanks. Have a happy and healthy pregnancy.
Also, the Bump really IS great, but you do sometimes need a thick skin or as well like to call it, big girl panties, around these parts.
I hope you find what you're looking for here.
ETA: Don't be surprised if some people don't accept your apology since you're still telling us all about your weight during pregnancy and whining a wee bit about how much we hurt your feelings.
Feel good about getting what you needed to say off your chest, and try to move forward. Consider checking out your birth month board.
I'm sure you had good intentions, but you need to go away now. Congrats on having super skinny genetics and getting knocked up. Hope the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful and you have a healthy baby and nice life. See ya.
Btw, was this really an apology or a pity party? or a GBCB?
I thank you for the advice, but many of the posters from this board read that post too, and so I feel I should apologize for everything. xo
A fairly even mix, I would say.
Done and done. I promise I will never go on this board again.
Then you still don't get it.
I was ready to accept your apology novel until I got to the point about cyber bullying.
Seriously? No even the same thing. You offered unwanted advice to strangers and got a negative response from said strangers. Your choice to waste a Saturday crying about the response people had to your faux pas is on you, not on me.
Best of luck in your pregnancy.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Sarah, I'm just shaking my head over here...
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
Wow, an overlong backhanded apology is just what we needed.
Do yourself a favor and don't give your nuggets of TTC-success information to friends or family, either, they will feel just as insulted.
I'm too lazy to go find the link, but she posted earlier today with some FABULOUS advice: You and your husband should take robitussin if you want to get pregnant. It worked for her~!!!!!111!!
Thanks for the apology, but goodness gracious don't be so hard on yourself!
Stick around -- The Bump is a great place to chat and learn! And honestly I didn't even recognize your screen name or remember what you were apologizing for until I went back and re-read it -- most of us are willing to move on!
Fair of you to say, but I am not saying my comments themselves are not a form of bullying. I hurt feelings today and I am at fault.
LO#1 - 19 cycles, 3 IUIs, 1 m/c, gonal-f, ganirelix, ovidrel, progesterone
Totally worth the wait!
Getting ready for #2
Back on Met, PCOS diet, prepping for treatments 1/12
Good luck to the wonderful ladies of 3T
Always cheering on my girls Gymnst1013 & MrsJohns
My Chart / Info for Newbies
You need to go away now.
LO#1 - 19 cycles, 3 IUIs, 1 m/c, gonal-f, ganirelix, ovidrel, progesterone
Totally worth the wait!
Getting ready for #2
Back on Met, PCOS diet, prepping for treatments 1/12
Good luck to the wonderful ladies of 3T
Always cheering on my girls Gymnst1013 & MrsJohns
My Chart / Info for Newbies
didn't you promise to not go on this board again?
I just finished catching up on your earlier advice. And I was with you in your post (despite the pregnancy information in the intro, which should go on a separate board). Until this bolded section. No one "cyber bullied you." They expressed annoyance that was completely justified. A true apology means saying "I'm sorry for what I did." Not "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, but you were mean too."
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
DS 6.12.11
Hypermenorrhea, Anovulatory & Hypothyroid
TTC#2
My Lack of Ovulation Chart
Ah! That's where the bottle of Robi came from in the other thread. It all comes full circle for me.
I read your post earlier and chose not to respond. But this is just crap.
1.)STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING SKINNY! Not something we want to hear! We do not care about the many woes you have with your pregnancy. Stop complaining to a board that is TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.
2.) Yes you should of lurked instead of just posted. But you did post. It is such a HUGE waste of time sitting there crying over a board of women who did not like your post! PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES and get the hell over it.
Lastly leave. NOW. Do not comment on anything else. Just leave.
Thanks!
Yeah you're right...I went back and caught up and then re-read this...it's a bunch of BS, just don't feel like dealing with it now.
That's exactly what I was just going to say. Cry me a river.
It took 5 failed IUIs and a failed IVF, but our FET worked!
My pregnancy after Infertility Blog
Our baby girl was born on April 27, 2011!
Yep. I was hoping it would actually be an apology. But for real, OP- just go away. You're just making it worse.
We appreicate you two TTGP stranger dangers coming out to play.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
This hah
ding ding we haaaaavvvveee a winnnerrrr!!!
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Okay, so while I admit this apology was WAY too long, I have to say I'm surprised at those who still think you're whining about not being able to gain weight. Did anyone READ about the GI scopes, endoscopies, and medication? I have 2 cousins with Crohns and my brother has ulcerative colitis, and I am guessing that that you either have one of these or something similar. While gaining weight was certainly not a problem for me, I completely understand that you are feeling like you're not doing the best for your child when it is something beyond your control. One of my best friends does not have an actual GI disease, but was thrown up 10-12 times a day for her entire PG (almost 30 weeks now) and has not gained any weight, and she feels the same way.
I do agree with everyone else on your comment about cyber bullying - your comparison is probably a bit of a stretch, but I sort of understand the analogy you were trying to make. You have to have a pretty low self esteem to be that affected by it, so if you're going to stick around, definitely get thicker skin! Sometimes people's criticisms are justified, and sometimes it's just because they're insecure themselves and it makes them feel better to make fun of people on the other side of a computer screen. You have to learn to ignore it.
I don't know how this all got started or what you posted about taking Robitussin, but all I can say is that I wish you the best with your medical conditions and I am sure your baby will be perfectly fine. The baby takes what he or she needs first, and then your body keeps what's left. Just make sure you're taking a vitamin to help you and your baby get all the nutrients you need. Good luck!
Everyone she insulted on this board is owed an apology by her insensitive, misguided and unsoliticited 'advice', however, what she posted above was one of the lamest attempts at an apology ever. Furthermore, the way she kinda-sorta could empathize with victims of cyber bulling was over the top in a way that made me call BS on this whole lame attempt. Sorry.