Community› The Bump Message Boards› Military Families
Military Families
New Discussion

WWYD? (Long, sorry)

TexaCaliTexaCali
in Military Families

My grandmother has been in the hospital for a couple of weeks. The doctor said that the dialysis was no longer working, her dimensia is horrible, she is in a semi-coma, on 100% O2 and her arms are "weeping" fluid. Due to all of this my uncle (her medical POA) has decided to sign a DNR, stop the dialysis and have her moved to a hospice. She will only have the O2 and an IV for nutrients and pain medication. The whole family agrees this is the best plan. The doctor said she could pass as soon as 2 days but probably no longer than 2 weeks (since her kidneys are shutting down already).

Here are my WWYD questions:

1. DH is away for training and is actually not allowed to use the phone. I know some people where he is that would be willing to get a message to him (rather than using red cross) but since it is my grandmother not his and there isn't anything he could do should I bother sending a message or wait until she passes?

2. Part of me would like to go out and say goodbye to her but with the state she is in I am not sure she would know I was there. My dad thinks it would be a waste of time and money to fly out and said I should remember her from the last fun time we spent together not laying in a hospital bed unable to speak to me or even know who I am. I won't have to go out for a funeral because she is being cremated and then buried next to my grandfather in Louisiana (which is just a car ride to go to from here rather than flying to California). Would you go or just wait and go to the funeral?

Report Reply to Post

Re: WWYD? (Long, sorry)

  • Gilly1126Gilly1126
    That is a tough place to be. I'm so sorry! I lost my grandmother in march, and it's hard. Red cross is the only "reliable" way to make sure he gets it, in the sense that then the command sees it. However, you are right, its not his immediate family, so he can't come out of training (unless his command is super kind). Also, I would have to agree with your dad, at least from the memory stand point. It depends on the closure you need. We flew out the day my grandmother died and got in about two hours before she passed. However, she was completely comatose, and I can't get that image of the strongest woman I know depending on machines to live, and not even knowing that I was there. It was really hard. If I were you, I would wait and go to the funeral, but at the same time, like I said, it depends on what you need. Regardless, I'll keep your family in my prayers and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • sophiab1sophiab1

    I'm sorry you are in this situation.  I have no advice as to whether or not to contact him.  My husband and I had this conversation before he went to basic and he said he wanted to know about any deaths/accidents that happened.  I'm new to the whole military lifestyle, but if you do contact him, would he be able to get a phone call to you, just to talk to you and help you feel better? 

     My grandmother passed at Christmas, and DH and I were out of town visiting his family, and I'm still sad that I didn't get to see her one last time.  Of course, if I had seen her, it wouldn't be her as I remember her since she was comatose after having a stroke.  So maybe it's better that I remember her active.  

    Report Reply
  • TexaCaliTexaCali

    Thanks for the advice ladies. I think that the no-phone portion of their training is over this weekend so I guess I will wait.

    I would prefer to remember her in a healthier state so I guess I will just wait for the funeral. I would hate to put myself through the emotional rollercoaster of trying to rush out there and then not arriving in time.

    Report Reply
  • kiliwicketkiliwicket
    I would personally just wait and drive to the funeral.  I wouldn't want my last memory of my grandmother to be in that condition.... especially since she wouldn't know I was there.  If she was coherent, that would be different.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  {{BIGHUGS}}
    Report Reply
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • HappyMommy28HappyMommy28 member

    I'm sorry your in this position.  I agree with one of the PP, the red cross is a reliable source that will help you get the message to him. 

    As far  as visiting her, that is going to have to be your decision.  Personally I would want to go say goodbye.  But thats me.  Make sure that you will be ok  with not seeing her one last time.  Good luck with everything.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"