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The day you deliver, outside will be fair. Your baby will arrive in the early afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 44 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 4 pounds, 1 ounces, and will be 22-1/2 inches long. This child will have light blue eyes and some brown hair.
HELP NEEDED WITH A CONTROLLING BM (long vent)
Ok Ladies! I haven't posted here in quite some time. I posted a little bit when I was pregnant with my DS on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd tri boards and a few times here. My DH has 6 kids. I have 5 step kids- 10 SS, 8 SD, 8 SS, 3 SD, & 2 SD and then my DS that is almost 10 months old. The 3 oldest children have the same BM. It is my DH's ex-wife. Right now they are the only one's we see. The 3 year old we see occasionally, and the youngest my DH has never seen. We are having a very hard time with her right now. She is trying to be controlling over our life. I am honestly at the point of breaking.
DH and I just got done taking a parenting class that he was ordered to take through court because BM said that he doesn't know how to parent. So we took the class together. It was a great class and very informational. The problem that we are having is that we are trying to change our parenting styles to go more with what we were taught in class. By setting reasonable limits, giving choices, and handing out reasonable discipline that goes with the behavior.
Well BM is the type that just gives in to whatever is going on. The oldest SS has been refusing to eat. We have a simple rule in our house that if you do not eat your food you will do not get dessert or a snack before bed. Well SS has been testing this big time. I really have to give DH credit because in the past he too would have just gave in, but he is really starting to stick to his guns with what he tells the children. A couple of weekends ago SS pulled the I am not eating card. Well DH gave him the option of either eat your breakfast or go hungry until lunch. Well SS decided he was not going to eat his breakfast and then about an hour later he wanted a snack. DH said NO because you didn't eat your food. Well when we dropped the kids off with BM the oldest SS told her. She got pissed off at us and said that we should be able to give him anything he wants to eat. If we have to then fix him different food.
I am sorry, but DH and I are not made of money. We are barely making it as it is. We pay child support on all 5 children and then our bills and taking care of DS.
BM also decides that she is just going to put the kids into activities when it is our weekend with the kids. We only see them every other weekend as it is. I have now told DH that he needs to stand firm to her. He told her that from now on if she plans something or puts them into an activity without asking if we already have plans for the weekend then it looks like she just lost her money, because we can't keep changing our weekends and plans that we already have in effect.
Please someone give me some advice on how to deal with BM.
The day you deliver, outside will be fair. Your baby will arrive in the early afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 44 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 4 pounds, 1 ounces, and will be 22-1/2 inches long. This child will have light blue eyes and some brown hair.This discussion has been closed.
Re: HELP NEEDED WITH A CONTROLLING BM (long vent)
I see a light. Is that a train coming?
Is there a CO involved in this hot mess? If so, it needs to be followed, it is the only way you can even begin to hope for order in this chaos.
As for the food thing. Ignore her. There you go. It's not worth getting into it about. You are teaching the child that his actions have appropriate consequences. He knows what they are and he is making that choice.
The time thing needs to be handled by the CO. But, if these are sports and such that take place every weekend, there is no way around it other than to participate. It might not be your idea of a good time, but the kids deserve to participate in extra-curricular activites.
Did you not see any giant red flags with this guy? 5 kids-two different mothers, one of which had a 4 month old when you got KU.
Please tell me this man has been snipped? He does not need to reproduce anymore. His seed has been spread far enough.
This is also where I got stuck. Except paris, it's 3 (before the op) not 2....
First of all he never even knew about the 2 year old. We actually just found out about the 2 year old last June when we were served with Child Support paperwork. We were already married and expecting our son when we found out about her.
The 3 year old we see occasionally when her BM gets off of her high horse and lets us have her. We actually have my DH's dad get her most of the time because her BM will let them have her all the time. She doesn't like my DH so doesn't like to let us have her. So when my FIL gets her we go to his house and spend time with her.
My DH and I have been married since December of 08 so almost 2 years. He has 6 kids by 4 women. Yes, he should have been carefull, but you can't change the past. We do what we have to do to make sure they are all taken care of. We make sure that their child support is paid every month on time. So it really doesn't matter how many kids he has as long as they are being taken care of and not by the state but by their mother and father.
Oh my. And the crazy factor just went up.
How does one go, hey this guy has 5 kids from three different mothers, why not make it 4 mothers? He must be a real catch, let me get KU too.
But, but, your SD is 2, and you have been married almost 2 years. Even if he did not know about the kid, how does that even work out mathematically? So, you knew him less than 9 months before getting married, or he cheated on you?
It matters because it shows a seriously lack of judgement and responsibility. It is not ok just to procreate all willy-nilly like that.
This is what happens when you through this many babies, and BM's into the mix. It's going to be miserable, and honestly I don't see anyway around it. Good luck, stick to the CO's and try to make it work. You will have to pick your battles very carefully.
And as for the 2 yo, is there a CO? Why hasn't the mother been taken to court for visitation?
Actually yes we did know each other less than 9 months. We met on July 22nd of 2008, got engaged on September 15th of 2008 and were married on December 20th of 2008. I am sorry it is actually a 4 year old and a 3 year old. I just realized that I put 3 and 2. But other than that, no there is no court order for the 3 year old. My DH has never been in her life and he said that it would end up traumatizing her to start trying to be in her life now. She has been being raised by her BM's BF from the beginning. So she wouldn't know anything differend.
Paris- Again is doesn't matter if he had 10 children as long as they are all being taken care of then why does the number of children matter. His children are very well taken care of and they don't want of need for anything. They get what they want and need all the time.
As for the activities that are planned on our weekends with the 3 oldest children's BM-it is things like family cook outs (only not family-her, the kids, and her BF), family trips (same as above on cook outs). If it were actual sports it would be different.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Good Luck! I thought 4 SKs and 2 BM's was bad enough. IDK how I could deal with more.
Like PP stick to the CO. It will take the BM's some getting used to if they currently aren't following it. If your H is taking good care of the kids they will after time get over it.
Until there is a CO in place that gives parenting time the Custodial parent can do whatever she feels like doing. You know how they say possession is 9/10 of the law...yeah it applies to kids too.
She has the kid and without a Parenting CO in place that dictates visitation and parenting time, she gets to make the rules and change them on any whim she feels necessary.
The only advice you can get at this point is Get a COURT ORDER to sort this mess out. Then you have some recourse, you can file contempt chargers, you will actually have a leg to stand on when it comes to the custodial parent interfering w/ your parenting time.
Remember it's not pay to play in any state. Just b/c you're paying doesn't mean you get to have the kids.
And for what it's worth fight for the youngest too.
Again like I said my DH has never been around the youngest SD. She has been raised by her BM's boyfriend and since she is already 3 years old my DH didn't think it would be a good idea to just march into her life since he knows nothing about her.
I guess this board isn't what I was looking for. You ladies flame people before you know everything about their life. I was looking for help on 1 issue and everything else got out of control. I guess I will not be able to post here anymore looking for help with the BM of the 3 oldest children. The BM that I deal with regularly.
We do have a court order in place for the 3 oldest children that says we get them from 6pm on friday until 6pm on sunday every other weekend. It also says that we get them on Father's Day whether or not it is our weekend. Well right now BM is arguing that but it is written in the court order that DH can have them from 10am until 7pm on father's day and that superceeds the regular visitation order.
At 3 it is a great idea to get a CO in place. I met my youngest SKs when they were 3 and 4. Neither of them remember there Dad and I not being together. It will take sometime for her to know you guys and feel comfortable but it will be so worth it.
Get the CO for all the kids! They need to know there siblings!!! The BM will relax over time. This is a big change for her and as crazy as it can drive you now it will get better.
Honestly, it doesn't matter what you say. I am giving you the side-eye for this whole post.
One does not have to take parenting classes for no reason-and the other parenting saying they should usually isn't enough for that to happen. A parent does not choose to not have a relationship with their 3 yo child bc it would be bad for them...it will be worse when she grows up and realizes her father had too many other obligations to care about her.
The complete and uder disregard for decision making also makes me, go WTF?
A zebra can't change it's stripes.
I guess this board isn't what I was looking for. You ladies flame people before you know everything about their life. I was looking for help on 1 issue and everything else got out of control. I guess I will not be able to post here anymore looking for help with the BM of the 3 oldest children. The BM that I deal with regularly.
All of your issues are interconnected, whether you want to admit that or not.
But here is your advice, since you seemed to ignore it earlier.
Document everything. Write it all down. Try to communicate with BM via email. Print and save them all.
If there is a CO in place and BM is violating it, document, document, document. Then take it to your lawyer and take her back to court if needed. That is the only way to work it out.
As for being flamed w/out knowing the whole story, we only know what you tell us. What you post, is what we go off of. You included a ton of info in that post that did not directly relate to the issue at hand. So, you got comments on that. if you don't like it then maybe a public message board is not the right place for you.
What is up with all the freaking mommy martyr's around here lately?
damn bump didn't post what I wrote. I came back to see it and it's just not here. ::sigh::.
Basically in a nutshell I told you that your excuse of 'the 3 yr old knows boyfriend as dad' is BULLSH!T. That's a horrid excuse. If you guys did the responsible thing NOW and got a CO and visitation in place, she wouldn't even remember your DH not being in her life. That's a sorry excuse of your DH to be stating.
Be responsible. Get a CO and visitation with the children. That should be your priority right now. Not dealing with the pettiness of the fvcking BM who you are complaining about feeding snacks to a child who won't eat regular food. Ignore her. Now, tell your DH to get off his a$$ and start being a real parent to those kids.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Ignore BM about the food, and DH can do what he wants w/ the kids on his weekend.
Not even going to comment on the other stuff... yikes
wow, what a man you married! yikes!
Anyhow, ignore her about the food. As far as the sports, the weekends he has his kids is his parenting time, she cannot make you guys take SC to anything that they are signed up for. However, it would probably be good for the SC to be involved in sports, so I suggest he gets involved. I'm a BM who's DS cannot be in anything that happens on weekends because his spermdonor refuses to take him. This has not been good for DS.
But the reverse is also true. Child support and visitation are "mutually exclusive." She cannot LEGALLY take his visitation away if there is a CO stating he has rights. If she puts them in sports, then you guys will just have to go to sports events on your weekends! My EXH had a BM who was BEAST! He never fought for visitation and hasn't seen his kids in 13 years. But you MUST keep on top of the system - they are not kind to fathers. (Some mothers, but dads get the short end of the stick every time.) GL!
HUGEEEE RED FLAG!!
DD #2: BFP: 8-19-18 EDD: 4-30-19