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1st Trimester
Kylynara Sun
member
New BFP & Question about telling people
Kylynara Sun
member
I tend to feel a need to explain everything in detail to avoid questions later, but that makes my posts really long and people don't like to read them, so I did a short version that has just the essentials. If you want to answer based on that feel free. If you have more questions before you answer, check out the detailed version, because I probably answered it.
Short Version:
Hi! I'm Kyly. This will be my first.
Should I tell my family (and probably friends too) about my pregnancy before I get the doctor's confirmation? (since the doctor will not confirm until 8 weeks and I don't think I can keep it to myself for a month.)
If I counted the 40 weeks myself and it agrees with the chart in my pregnancy book am I allowed to give people that as a due date (with the appropriate caveats) or do I just have to say I don't know until after my appointment?
Detailed Version:
Hi I'm Kyly. I posted a few times in TTC at the end of April, then went to china to meet my in-laws for three weeks and have been getting resettled at home and haven't kept up with the boards since. This is my first , so I'm kinda learning how everything works. Not so much my body and the developmental processes (I minored in biology, so I've had that.), but the actual experience and the institutional processes are all new. I'll also note that I've been reading my pregnancy books voraciously refreshing my mind and learning about signs and symptoms and coping, so I'm not coming in feeling like I know everything.
Well my breasts have been hurting so bad I can't even sleep without a bra (although a cami with a built in shelf bra has worked so far) since Thursday. My period was due Saturday and I didn't get it, nor Sunday, so I POAS yesterday and I definitely have 2 lines, although the one is kinda faint.
Yesterday, being Memorial Day, I couldn't reach the doctor's office (I tried). I called first thing this morning, they will not see me until June 29th. They are going to do a sonogram and then the nurse midwife will confirm I'm pregnant. (I'm not sure how the nurse can confirm it after a sonogram, seems like if there is a baby on the sonogram it's confirmed, if there isn't it's dis-confirmed). I did some looking around online and found that this is in fact pretty normal, so I'm less worried about competency of my OB than I was at first.
The problem is I had planned to wait until the doctor confirmed the pregnancy to tell anyone, but I I was thinking the doctor would be confirming it ASAP. Probably this week certainly no later than next. I thought I'd be getting a big lecture on what I can and can't eat and find out my due date and all that, since 1st trimester is when the important development happens, and it's most important then. However, I don't think I can wait a whole month before telling anyone. I have one friend in particular who's been very proactive about asking if I'm pregnant yet, and if she asks I don't want to lie to her, but I also don't want to tell her before my family. I know my whole immediate family will be together for lunch this Sunday. I've got a baby inside shirt I'm going to change in to to share the news. I know home pregnancy tests are 98-99% accurate on a positive, but I always assumed there was a reason the doctor confirmed the results. On the other hand, the doctor seems to trust the word of a complete amateur with a home test enough to schedule a sonogram as a matter of policy. So is it safe to tell my family without the doctor's confirmation? Or can I not really be sure I'm pregnant until the doctor confirms it? Also by my count (of 40 weeks) and according to the table in my books, my due date is February 4th, should I share this, or do I not really know my due date yet.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: New BFP & Question about telling people
Congratulations on your pregnancy! It is an exciting time and a time filled with lots of questions. My advice is to do what you and your husband fill YOU need to do.
We are also pregnant and have decided to tell our family so we can have support. But our story is a bit different. Our first pregnancy ended with an ectopic. We didn't tell our family until after we lost it. This was difficult as we needed support through the entire process, but didn't get it until the end. Our other two pregnancy were also lost, but we had shared with our family before we knew something was wrong. Having their support from the beginning was immensely important. So, now we have a healthy pregnancy and I am really glad we told our family...but we are waiting until after the first trimester to tell our friends.
Don't let my story scare you...85% of pregnancies are successful. But it's my advice to do what you think you need to do so you and your hubby are supported in all the ways you need/want to be. There's no wrong decision.
Good luck!
Wow. Um do whatever you want. You are "allowed" to tell people as early as you are comfortable. Personally I'm waiting until 13 weeks (2nd tri) because the risk of M/C is substantially lower. Some people tell right away and others wait until they hear a heartbeat (6-8 weeks). If you got a + hpt, you are pregnant. Most doctors don't even confirm with blood tests anymore. As far as your EDD, go by your LMP or O date if you charted, but its just an estimate.
ETA: congrats BTW
It is pretty standard not to have your first appointment until 8-10 weeks. Some have them sooner and some later.
It is a personal choice when to tell your family and friends. If you can't wait, then tell, but I would only tell the people you would feel comforatable telling you had a loss. Obviously I hope you would never have to do this though.
ETA: I'm sorry. I should have said congratulations!
Congrats!
When to tell people is a really personal choice. If you're close with your family and don't want to wait until your first appointment, that's totally fine if it's what you're comfortable with.
HPTs are very accurate, and if you have two lines, then you're pg. The risk -- not to be too blunt -- is that it's very early and there is a possibility that something will go wrong with the pregnancy. That's why a lot of people wait until after the first appointment or even after the first trimester is over. So really, it's just what you're comfortable with.
As the others said, do what you'd like to do. There is no right or wrong answer.
We told our family pretty early and now at 7+ weeks, we are starting to tell our close friends and other family.
Once we hit 8 weeks, we are going to start talking a little more freely about it, but for now, just close friends and family.
Hope that helps.
Congrats on your pregnancy.
The decision to tell is a personal choice. What you need to think about is how you would feel/cope if something was to go wrong. Are you a private person that would not want to have to spread news of a miscarriage? Or would you prefer for everyone around you to know along the way, even if something were to go wrong?
We told our family at 11 weeks for our first pregnancy. We waited until then as we were closer to the 2nd trimester. I discovered my missed m/c 1 week after telling family. This would have been the first grandchild on both sides. When we had to spread the news of our loss, our families were devastated. I was not able to focus on my own grieving as I was overcome with the guilt of "letting down" the people close to me. On top of this, many people reacted by avoiding me, avoiding the topic, and being awkward when I was around. It was not pleasent. Generally my family/friends are very supportive people, however, a miscarriage can make people very uncomfortable.
For this pregnancy, we will be waiting until 13 weeks to tell. We will wait until we've seen/heard the heartbeat and have an u/s picture of the little one.
Again, its a personal choice. However, if to you its just a matter of "confirming" you're pregnant, the chances of your HPT showing a false positive are HIGHLY unlikely.
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
Thank you, everyone. You've been very helpful and reassuring. In reading the answers I've realized I don't mean should I share in the sense of is it a good idea exactly. More in the sense of is it really honest to say I'm pregnant if a doctor has not said so. Or do I only THINK I'm pregnant.
Sorta like I can say I THINK I have a sinus infection. I have the symptoms of a sinus infection. This feels like the sinus infections I've had before. But until I go to the doctor and the doctor says I have a sinus infection, it's just my opinion.
This is not to compare a baby to a sinus infection, but the analogy works for this. Clearly I'm pregnant before the doctor can confirm, the same as I clearly didn't get a sinus infection the second the doctor found it, but it's not generally accepted to claim a medical condition that hasn't been officially diagnosed. I wasn't sure if the home pregnancy test counted as an official diagnosis.
However, you have all answered my real question even though I didn't articulate it well. A BFP is considered adequate proof of pregnancy. I know the statistics on their accuracy, but that doesn't mean others do, so I wasn't sure how it would be taken.
Thank you again for your help.
Aww, well congrats to you!
As far as when to tell is really up to you. BUT be warned that once you tell someone and you ask them to keep it private, don't be surprised if it leaks out to others. As far as not wanting to lie..I had that problem too so I just omitted! lol I responded with "Don't worry you'll be one of the first people I tell" I didn't say yes OR no and once my family heard my great news then I shared with close friends at 8 weeks. It was one of my longest held in secrets ever!!! Just between me and my hubby for 4 weeks since I found out @ 4 weeks.
Well good luck and congrats again!!
It would be the same if there was a home test that you could shnozzle on and it would tell you "Sinus Infection!" with 99% accuracy. :-P
But I'm just bugging you. The dr. usually just does the same type of test anyways. They make take betas which will give you a quantitative result instead of the qualitative result of the HPT.
Good luck!
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
First: congrats!
Second: LOL - you sound SO much like me it's not even funny! I could have written your long version verbatim (well, minus the trip to china to meet the ILs - I only had to go to Indiana).
We told our family right away because neither my DH nor I are good at keeping secrets. I'm not 100% sure when we'll tell the friends & coworkers. Later. That's about it for now!
We told immediate family (i.e. our parents, DH's aunt/uncle who he's extremely close to) about a week after our BFP on the HPT. But, we were being treated for infertility, so it had been confirmed by bloodwork at that time. I've since shared the news with two people in supervisory positions at work due to some scheduling issues for next school year that me being out on maternity leave will impact. When we told, we just said we thought we were due in mid-January, but we would know more after the next dr. appt. I'm not telling anyone else until after the 1st u/s (scheduled for Thursday). Unless, of course, someone asks me directly, because I also don't want to lie about it.
I think telling has to go by your own comfort level. Perhaps continue to use HPTs for a couple of days to see that you keep getting the 2nd line (it took me 4 HPTs and 2 rounds of bloodwork @ the RE's office to finally start to believe it!) before you tell. I agree with you, though... I don't think I could possibly have kept quiet from the +HPT until after the first u/s. I just won't go shouting it from the rooftops just yet.