kind of reply to baby shower question below & BUMP PARTY

armsnbellyfull · May 2010

I didn't have a baby shower. A few months after I had my DD, my friend said she had asked my mom if anything was being planned yet as she wanted to do one; but my mother kept saying that something was being done already. Ditto with my SIL when she asked my mom. I ended up with NADA.

And guess what- I was SAD. Call it feeling entitled, but I think we can all agree that it is somewhat expected that you will have one. There is a page devoted to it in each and every baby book! I could care less about presents, and I still did get a ton after she was born, but it is the whole idea of celebrating a pregnant person and feeling special.

I am now expecting #3 and I am having a party!!!! A big one! A lot of my friends are preggers right now and I am planning something fun. A BUMP PARTY if you will. So far my ideas for it include a cravings buffet (big stacks of sweets/spicy foods/pickle and tums), pedicure stations (with actual estheticians), a friend who is a photographer doing maternity pics, and I don't know what else. A few people who are attending are not preggers but they will be required to stuff their shirts upon entering! Oh- and I was thinking of doing a little "white elephant" type game but with pregnancy related items to give/swap.

Does this sound like fun and could you help me with some more ideas and suggestions for the cravings buffet?

I just want to celebrate the fact that pregnancy is a miracle and we are goddesses!

TheSkimmy · May 2010

Good for you!!!! I think your party sounds like fun and not greedy since it's about having fun and not gifts!

lake919 · May 2010

I LOVE this idea. Major props.

moonfaerie · May 2010

That sounds fun! Hmm the only things I care to eat regularly are popsicles and cold fruit so I say have fruit salad on your buffet.

wife1014 · May 2010

I think that sounds like such a fun day for you and your PREGNANT (preggers is just awful!) friends. However, having those who aren't pregnant stuff their shirt is real silly, IMO. Can't it just be a girls afternoon? How about hiring a massage therapist who can do mini pre-natal massages. As for food, I would stick with the most commom pregnancy cravings and then do little tea sandwiches and picky foods.

TheSkimmy · May 2010

I think the bumps for those not pregnant is fun! However- be mindful if someone is having infertility issues- because then this party might hurt some feelings.

OctoberBabyH · May 2010

wife1014:
I think that sounds like such a fun day for you and your PREGNANT (preggers is just awful!) friends. However, having those who aren't pregnant stuff their shirt is real silly, IMO. Can't it just be a girls afternoon? How about hiring a massage therapist who can do mini pre-natal massages. As for food, I would stick with the most commom pregnancy cravings and then do little tea sandwiches and picky foods.

Ditto this. Wife, you always seem to have the best ideas!

islandlife · May 2010

TheSkimmy:
I think the bumps for those not pregnant is fun! However- be mindful if someone is having infertility issues- because then this party might hurt some feelings.

Please remember that 1 in 6 couples struggle with infertility. This would not be fun for a woman in that situation.

denise_m · May 2010

I think it sounds like fun!

But, I wouldn't make the non-pregnant friends stuff their shirts. Even if you don't know about their fertility situation or miscarriages, you just don't know what people struggle with.

armsnbellyfull · May 2010

I'm glad that it doesn't sound greedy. Phew! And I was one of those who struggled so believe me, I am going to be very careful not to step on toes! There is nothing worse than feeling excluded for not being pregnant, but that being said, it is a celebration of being PREGNANT (sorry for the preggers earlier! LOL!).

mrsashby · June 2010

piecesofflare:

armsnbellyfull:
I'm glad that it doesn't sound greedy. Phew! And I was one of those who struggled so believe me, I am going to be very careful not to step on toes! There is nothing worse than feeling excluded for not being pregnant, but that being said, it is a celebration of being PREGNANT (sorry for the preggers earlier! LOL!).

I'm sorry, but I don't believe that you really struggled if you think it's acceptable to make women stuff their shirts to look pregnant. If i'd been invited to something like this before I got pregnant I'd probably never speak to the host again.

Pretending to be pregnant isn't fun if you can't get pregnant for real. If you'd actually struggled with infertility you'd have some sort of clue about this. Just looking at another pregnant woman can be incredibly painful.

Have your little party, but don't be a douche.

Seriously get a grip...this isnt what this post is about. I think she got enough replies about being sensitive...ya didn't have call names. At some point we all have stuggles in our lives-but we don't have to jump down peoples throats for not understanding or being senstive enough blah blah blah...that was clearly NOT her intention oy....

MamaNikita · June 2010

piecesofflare:

armsnbellyfull:
I'm glad that it doesn't sound greedy. Phew! And I was one of those who struggled so believe me, I am going to be very careful not to step on toes! There is nothing worse than feeling excluded for not being pregnant, but that being said, it is a celebration of being PREGNANT (sorry for the preggers earlier! LOL!).

<b>I'm sorry, but I don't believe that you really struggled if you think it's acceptable to make women stuff their shirts to look pregnant. If i'd been invited to something like this before I got pregnant I'd probably never speak to the host again.</b>

Pretending to be pregnant isn't fun if you can't get pregnant for real. If you'd actually struggled with infertility you'd have some sort of clue about this. Just looking at another pregnant woman can be incredibly painful.

Have your little party, but don't be a douche.

really? you don't know any more what she went through than she knows what you went through. as someone who has suffered a loss, i know that not all people deal with it in the same way. i take positive people for what they are, which is what OP seems to be, a positive person trying to do something good and fun. and if i'd have gotten invited to something like this after my loss, i would have sucked it up, stuffed my shirt with the best of them and had fun. but then again, i wasn't one of those women who sobbed every time i saw a pregnant woman or resented women for being pregnant when i wasn't. i had some horrible moments with it, and even now i still do, but not everyone deals with their personal pain the same.

OP, i think your party sounds awesome.

caden · June 2010

I'm glad for your party but please don't do this: A few people who are attending are not preggers but they will be required to stuff their shirts upon entering!

ajcoghill · June 2010

I love the idea!

ammagin · June 2010

That sounds like a GREAT time! I really seem to be into just about any type of fruit right now so I'd love that on hand for the buffet. Plus the "classic" pregnancy craving choices would be good. I love the mani-pedi idea too--especially as it becomes more difficult for me to reach all the way down to my toes to paint them. You could make interesting music choices too that are about being preggers or babies. I do like the fact that you'd invite non-pregnant friends--they can choose whether to attend or not. Maybe a statement similar to a Halloween party stating that "pregger costumes are welcome for those who want to get into the spirit of the party" or something like that. Again, those who are sensitive to infertility issues would 1) have the option to not come 2) have the option to not dress up.

Have fun!

armsnbellyfull · June 2010

Obviously I know the people who are attending and their background. This isn't an invite all, but a close friends type thing. There are a few friends who are just newly married and they are the ones who suggested that they thought it would be fun to stuff their shirts, so this really is a non-issue and I apologize for the backlash from not clarifying that in the OP. The rest of us are pregnant with our 2nd, 3rd, 4th children.

Infertility is a subject that I am familiar with, both through other friends' experiences (stillbirth, adoption, IVF; etc) and with my own struggles which compared to theirs does not seem to hold a candle, but regardless, it was far too long for me. (2.5 years of trying when you are in your early 20's seemed like an eternity). What I have seen is great miracles happen for all of us & all of us now celebrating and enjoying our families wether they have come from the fabulous choice that is adoption (and a surprise pregnancy giving her children 5 months apart!), medical intervention or just the thousandth pregnancy test finally giving us the answer we've dreamt of! And our families just seem to keep growing and we all laugh over how many children have resulted from years of praying for each other, crying over losses and sending each other babydust and comiserating over chocolate when the witch AF showing up. I think there is something beautiful about being able to celebrate Pregnancy together now.

Thanks for the suggestions and the encouragement from others. I wasn't too sure if it would look too much like a shower, so I am glad that you are able to get the idea and sentiment behind it. I'll be sure to post how everything went & maybe even some pictures if I can figure it out once the party has been held.

armsnbellyfull · June 2010

Oooo- I love the music idea! I hadn't thought of that! Any suggestions for a playlist?

mrsashby · June 2010

"How about we throw a big 'we love our moms' party and invite all our girlfriends over to talk about how much we love our moms. And the one whose mom died? She can just pretend that her mom's still alive! It'll be fun and awesome for everyone! And not at all painful or awkward for the girl who doesn't have a mom anymore because something really sad and painful happened to her!"

Yeah, it's called Mother's Day....like I said-we all have our own situations that we are dealing with. But some day we have to grow up and be a person and put our own stuggles behind us and celebrate other people and their joy. Sounds like you not the kind of person that can do that.

If whoever doesn't feel comfortable in a situation like that just don't go...it's just a party. It's not all about YOU ya know!

denise_m · June 2010

armsnbellyfull:
I'm glad that it doesn't sound greedy. Phew! And I was one of those who struggled so believe me, I am going to be very careful not to step on toes! There is nothing worse than feeling excluded for not being pregnant, but that being said, it is a celebration of being PREGNANT (sorry for the preggers earlier! LOL!).

Few people knew what we went through last year. If I had been invited to a party like that, been expected to put a fake bump in, I would have cried, called you an insensitive b-tch and left, never speaking to you again. While taking my gift.

I would NEVER put my friends or family in that situation. There are older friends and family members that struggled with infertility their entire lives and never had children, I would not exclude them from celebrating this life but I would never include them in something like this.

And those are your options, you include them and make them miserable or you exclude them and make them miserable.

denise_m · June 2010

MamaNikita:
piecesofflare:

armsnbellyfull:
I'm glad that it doesn't sound greedy. Phew! And I was one of those who struggled so believe me, I am going to be very careful not to step on toes! There is nothing worse than feeling excluded for not being pregnant, but that being said, it is a celebration of being PREGNANT (sorry for the preggers earlier! LOL!).

<b>I'm sorry, but I don't believe that you really struggled if you think it's acceptable to make women stuff their shirts to look pregnant. If i'd been invited to something like this before I got pregnant I'd probably never speak to the host again.</b>

Pretending to be pregnant isn't fun if you can't get pregnant for real. If you'd actually struggled with infertility you'd have some sort of clue about this. Just looking at another pregnant woman can be incredibly painful.

Have your little party, but don't be a douche.

really? you don't know any more what she went through than she knows what you went through. as someone who has suffered a loss, i know that not all people deal with it in the same way. i take positive people for what they are, which is what OP seems to be, a positive person trying to do something good and fun. and if i'd have gotten invited to something like this after my loss, i would have sucked it up, stuffed my shirt with the best of them and had fun. but then again, i wasn't one of those women who sobbed every time i saw a pregnant woman or resented women for being pregnant when i wasn't. i had some horrible moments with it, and even now i still do, but not everyone deals with their personal pain the same.

OP, i think your party sounds awesome.

I was not only one of those women who never sobbed when I saw pregnant women, I threw a baby shower just a few months after our ds passed away, and went to several during each miscarriage.

Again, I would be incredibly hurt and offended by someone having me stuff my damn shirt to feel like a part of the celebration.

It comes off as incredibly selfish and self centered.

denise_m · June 2010

mrsashby:

"How about we throw a big 'we love our moms' party and invite all our girlfriends over to talk about how much we love our moms. And the one whose mom died? She can just pretend that her mom's still alive! It'll be fun and awesome for everyone! And not at all painful or awkward for the girl who doesn't have a mom anymore because something really sad and painful happened to her!"

Yeah, it's called Mother's Day....like I said-we all have our own situations that we are dealing with. But some day we have to grow up and be a person and put our own stuggles behind us and celebrate other people and their joy. Sounds like you not the kind of person that can do that.

If whoever doesn't feel comfortable in a situation like that just don't go...it's just a party. It's not all about YOU ya know!

On Mother's Day my dad has never pretended that his mom was still alive...

And there is a huge difference between celebrating the happiness in someone else's life and dressing up like something you desperately want and cannot have so that someone who is getting it can have their fun.

Going to birthday parties for boys our ds's age is still really hard for me. But I still go. I don't go and pretend that he's still alive and waiting for his turn at the pinata or to get his face painted.

And to the OP, just because they are newlyweds and haven't told you doesn't mean they haven't had recent or past struggles that you may not be aware of.

I say if those that suggested want to do it, let them, but don't make it a big deal to your other guests.

rumdrinx · June 2010

fertile, infertile...doesn't matter to me. the thought of pretending to have a bump when I am not pregnant is kind of revolting.

there are people in this world for whom motherhood is not a priority nor even a blip on the radar.

there are also people who do want to have a kid that really don't get all that bump crazed. look, I am thrilled that my friends were pregnant, or are pregnant, but to celebrate everyone's bump / craving at a party? this is nuts.

armsnbellyfull · June 2010

I will say it again.

THEY SUGGESTED THEY STUFF THEIR SHIRTS!!!

denise_m · June 2010

armsnbellyfull:
I will say it again.

THEY SUGGESTED THEY STUFF THEIR SHIRTS!!!

All of them did? because in your other post you said 2 of them did, in this post you start with: A few people who are attending are not preggers but they will be required to stuff their shirts upon entering!

That is a big difference.

And maybe you should have had your post read "2 of my friends who are attending are not pregnant, but they suggested they stuff their shirts too."

It usually works better than changing your story when you don't like the answers.

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