I've held it together for awhile now...
MrsT1209
member
But I just burst into tears at a #2 pregnancy announcement on FB. It really took me by surprise. I haven't cried at a pregnancy announcement in quite some time. I think as I near the surgery date, I'm starting to really freak out and wonder if it's ever going to be me announcing my #2 (and not poop!). I close my eyes and try to imagine it and I can't see it. And it really hurts.
I've done SO well holding it together and keeping hope and trudging forward and now, as we get down to just days before surgery, I'm losing hope fast. I'm seriously an emotional basketcase.
I know that if I lose this tube and this ovary, I have to face IVF and I read SO much about it on here. We can only afford ONE IVF. We have zero insurance coverage for it. So many ladies on here talk about how it takes more than one and I wonder if we are just wasting our money on doing the one. How will I send out the check for that loan every month without losing it every month if it doesn't work?
We redecorated the spare room this past week. Gave away the crib and bought a guest bed. It doesn't look anything like the nursery it was roughly set up for initially. And I can't even picture it looking like a nursery anymore.
I know it's not fair for me to complain about IF when I already have a beautiful daughter. Perhaps I'm selfish. I just want one more. I'll be happy with just one more. Why is that asking so much?
Why does my insurance have to suck so bad? If I had IF coverage at all, I think I wouldn't be so worried and scared because I'd have more than one shot.
Sorry for the long vent. I just really needed to get it out. I've been so good for months now and one stupid FB announcement set me over the emotional edge. Blah!
Re: I've held it together for awhile now...
I'm so sorry.
I am so worried about not being able to have another baby and feeling that void. We are so blessed to have Garrison but I really want her to have a sibling and right now we are in the process of losing our IVF coverage so, the clock is ticking.
I hope everything goes well with your surgery and you get to have your number 2 announcement soon!
S - honestly, knowing you only have 1 shot at IVF, I would talk to your doc about doing an injectible/ TI or IUI cycle first. That way you'll know how you will respond to meds by the time you GET to the IVF, and there won't be any surprises.
My doctor was sure the 1st IVF would work, but he couldn't predict how miserably I would respond to the meds.
And listen, you doubting mustafa, think of all the positive things your doctor has said to you. He's more sure that he can save the ovary than not. I'm not going to let you sit and beat yourself up. You were SO positive a few days ago. And once that fibroid comes out ALL sorts of things are going to change for you.
You're afraid and I get that. But it's going to go great, and when it's over, you're going to have a MUCH better shot at getting #2 than you have right now.
Here for you sweetie... you know where to find me.
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I know I know. I don't want to go into surgery thinking the best when I could come out of it with the worst.
If we do get to keep the ovary, I definitely don't want to go straight to IVF. I want to try IUI first. And after my awful experience with Clomid, I refuse to go back on it. I'd rather do injects. I know that he doesn't medicate women who already ovulate fine on their own so I don't know if he's just going to make us do natural IUI. But with just one tube, aren't my odds much lower?
I was doing so great until that FB announcement. It hit me right in the heart for some reason.