Dilemma... opinions needed

anonomity · May 2010

Next weekend DH and I will be going to a wedding with all of my best friends from college. Friends from college who I used to drink under the table. These friends do not know we are pregnant.

I'm debating how to handle the whole not-drinking situation. I was going to just get soda or tonic water and play it off as "coke and rum" or "vodka tonics", but I'm afraid my friends will see right through that as I'm generally a beer kind of gal. Also, there is the high likelihood that there will be shots at some point during the night, and if I turn one down they will know something is up.

So my question is this... do I just tell them, or do my best to hide my non-drinking and tell them later? For the record, not even our parents know about the pregnancy yet (we are telling them in person Father's Day weekend), so I really don't want to tell my friends yet.

*sigh* So, given the situation, what do you ladies think I should do?

ETA: I have thought about just telling my friends, as I would love to tell them person and I only see them a few times a year, but I also do not want to take any of the excitement away from my friends who are getting married.

happyjc10 · May 2010

Ugh - hard situation! Is there any way you could be a designated driver? How much longer were you going to wait to tell them - if you were going to tell in a few weeks, I guess I'd just tell. If you were going to wait months....well then that's a dilemma.

I guess I don't have too good of an answer. Good luck!

TheQuietGrrrl · May 2010

What about taking that antibiotic that violently reacts with alcohol. Like projectile vomiting type of violent reaction even with small quantities.

I think it's one they also use for alkies to stay away from the sauce.

anonomity · May 2010

happyjc10:
Ugh - hard situation! Is there any way you could be a designated driver? How much longer were you going to wait to tell them - if you were going to tell in a few weeks, I guess I'd just tell. If you were going to wait months....well then that's a dilemma.
I guess I don't have too good of an answer. Good luck!

Actually, no I can't use the DD thing because our friends (the ones getting married) have arranged for a bus to run between the reception and our hotels so no one would have to drive. :-/

I was going to wait about 3 more weeks. We are telling our families at 10 weeks and I wanted to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone else. It took us awhile to get pregnant, and I am just so nervous that something will go wrong so I'm nervous to tell anyone too early.

anonomity · May 2010

TheQuietGrrrl:
What about taking that antibiotic that violently reacts with alcohol. Like projectile vomiting type of violent reaction even with small quantities.
I think it's one they also use for alkies to stay away from the sauce.

I've thought of this too. But I don't think there is anyway they would fall for that either. 1) I doubt they've heard of that antibiotic (I hadn't until the Bump! lol) and 2) I used to drink on antibiotics all the time in college, so... lol

Mrs.PsyD · May 2010

you could just say you and hubs did such a good job trying to TTC this month, you want to stay sober "just in case" and that you hope to have good news for them in a few weeksafter you pee on a stick and for them to keep their fingers crossed yada yada. That's what I said.

anonomity · May 2010

Mrs.PsyD:
you could just say you and hubs did such a good job trying to TTC this month, you want to stay sober "just in case" and that you hope to have good news for them in a few weeksafter you pee on a stick and for them to keep their fingers crossed yada yada. That's what I said.

Ooh thats a good one! I might just have to use that! Thanks! :-)

happyjc10 · May 2010

Mrs.PsyD:
you could just say you and hubs did such a good job trying to TTC this month, you want to stay sober "just in case" and that you hope to have good news for them in a few weeksafter you pee on a stick and for them to keep their fingers crossed yada yada. That's what I said.

This could be a good choice.

What about just saying you feel sick?

kpv · May 2010

I'm telling people that I was getting a lot of headaches so my doctor suggested I try cutting out caffeine and alcohol to see if that helps.

darlene'smommy · May 2010

Just tell them you are ttc and you dont want to drink incase you get pg. I quit drinking once we started ttc dd.

dxiechicken41 · May 2010

Okay, I used to be a total beer lover, too, and wasn't known to turn down booze -- here's what I did recently and it worked:

1. tell people prior to the event (earlier that day?) that you're sick and "you're so pissed you can't even booze tonight"

2. when they ask why, tell 'em you have a urinary tract infection and you're on meds. when they then say, SO?, say, yeah, I drank last night (lie) and got the worst stomach cramps. dry heaved for 10 minutes! i will maybe drink a "vodka/cranberry" tonight, but we'll see.

3. get fake vodka/cranberry after everyone's had a few. if your friends are really pros, order half water, half cran so it doesn't look like pure juice. lime garnish. short glass. stir frequently as if it's a cocktail. good to go.

KeyRyn320 · May 2010

dxiechicken41:

Okay, I used to be a total beer lover, too, and wasn't known to turn down booze -- here's what I did recently and it worked:

1. tell people prior to the event (earlier that day?) that you're sick and "you're so pissed you can't even booze tonight"

2. when they ask why, tell 'em you have a urinary tract infection and you're on meds. when they then say, SO?, say, yeah, I drank last night (lie) and got the worst stomach cramps. dry heaved for 10 minutes! i will maybe drink a "vodka/cranberry" tonight, but we'll see.

3. get fake vodka/cranberry after everyone's had a few. if your friends are really pros, order half water, half cran so it doesn't look like pure juice. lime garnish. short glass. stir frequently as if it's a cocktail. good to go.

Nicely done! lol

I used the antibiotic excuse myself as I am also a big lush and was rarely if ever seen without a drink in my hand. It generally works especially if you say you have a UTI. One, many people don't want to hear the details and two, many people have had one and know the pain involved. Hope it works out!

atdowns · May 2010

all good excuses. however I will double warn. DO NOT TELL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!! LOL?

announcing to friends befoer parents MAJOR foul.. announcing a pregnancy at a friend's wedding!! DOUBLE LIFE ALTERING FRIENDSHIP CRIPLING FOUL!!!!!

i'm on meds, I'm donating blood in the morning, I'm ttc and dont wanna jynx it, I've converted to a bizar cult and if I drink the great leader will beat me.. ANY EXCUSE BUT TELLING! LOL?

Have a great time though!

Rochell · May 2010

I'm using this whole "i'm on antibiotics" excuse for as long as I can haha ...but save the announcement on another day ...def. NOT on the wedding day hehe

anonomity · May 2010

atdowns:
all good excuses. however I will double warn. DO NOT TELL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!! LOL
announcing to friends befoer parents MAJOR foul.. announcing a pregnancy at a friend's wedding!! DOUBLE LIFE ALTERING FRIENDSHIP CRIPLING FOUL!!!!!
i'm on meds, I'm donating blood in the morning, I'm ttc and dont wanna jynx it, I've converted to a bizar cult and if I drink the great leader will beat me.. ANY EXCUSE BUT TELLING! LOL
Have a great time though!

Right, both of those were reasons why I did not want to tell my friends under these circumstances. ;-) I'm glad you agree I should not tell them, that makes me feel better about lying to my friends. LOL

Thank you ladies for all of your suggestions. I like the medication excuses. I actually do have back problems for which I (used to) take narcotic pain medication and muscle relaxers, and all of my friends know this, so I think I'm gonna go with the "I'm taking it easy tonight because my back is acting up and I'm on drugs" route, while ordering a few tonics and cranberry/tonics. (I really liked the 50/50 cranberry and water suggestion!)

Ok, I think I can do this! :-)

Deanne Shehane · May 2010

I would go for telling them you have had a stomach bug and can only do Sprite. Especially since your family doesn't know. With so many computer related messaging you never know if it might slip through to Facebook, twitter, email, something.

Mrs.LD813 · May 2010

I just came back from one of my best friend's weddings yesterday. I would love to tell her, but absolutely couldn't considering it was her wedding and I would have totally stolen her thunder! One of my other BFF's knows, but that is it. All of my other college friend were there, so it was hard, but I *think* I pulled it off.

I was in the wedding, so while getting ready I just held the champagne and touched it to my lips, pretending I was drinking. I did the same in the limo on the way to the reception, and while we were taking pics. Next, we had some free time before the cocktail hour started, so a fellow BM and I met up with our friends in their hotel room, which was right across from mine. I went to "pick up" my husband, and we brought our own "beers" into the room with us. I washed out one he had already drank, and filled it w/ vitamin water.

At the cocktail hour and reception, I drank soda water w/ lime, and passed it off as grey goose and soda, which is what I typically used to drink. A few of my friends know that now I am a beer or wine girl, so I blamed the cocktail on trying to watch my weight. There was a point where everyone switched to beer, and when I didn't, I got a few glances, but everyone moved on. Once I got cornered for shots, but the friend I was with said no, which made it easier for me to say no, too.

Sorry this was long, but I wanted you to hear a "survival" story.

Ryan&Kristin062009 · May 2010

I'd either say I was sick or use the antibiotics excuse

We ended up telling pretty much everyone right away so we haven't had to come up with excuses. I think DH and I are bad at keeping secrets, and I'm a bad liar.. you'd see right through it. lol

anonomity · May 2010

Mrs.LD813:
I just came back from one of my best friend's weddings yesterday. I would love to tell her, but absolutely couldn't considering it was her wedding and I would have totally stolen her thunder! One of my other BFF's knows, but that is it. All of my other college friend were there, so it was hard, but I *think* I pulled it off.
I was in the wedding, so while getting ready I just held the champagne and touched it to my lips, pretending I was drinking. I did the same in the limo on the way to the reception, and while we were taking pics. Next, we had some free time before the cocktail hour started, so a fellow BM and I met up with our friends in their hotel room, which was right across from mine. I went to "pick up" my husband, and we brought our own "beers" into the room with us. I washed out one he had already drank, and filled it w/ vitamin water.
At the cocktail hour and reception, I drank soda water w/ lime, and passed it off as grey goose and soda, which is what I typically used to drink. A few of my friends know that now I am a beer or wine girl, so I blamed the cocktail on trying to watch my weight. There was a point where everyone switched to beer, and when I didn't, I got a few glances, but everyone moved on. Once I got cornered for shots, but the friend I was with said no, which made it easier for me to say no, too.
Sorry this was long, but I wanted you to hear a "survival" story.

Thanks for sharing! :-) I'm honestly thinking if I can get past the first hour or so, my friends will be so sh!tfaced they won't notice what or how much I'm drinking! lol

alliecarrie41 · May 2010

if you are keeping this a secret, keep it a secret. forget about your boozin' buddies and what they think. come with a purse loaded with meds and make sure everyone thinks you are getting over an illness. drugs & booze never mix, and no friend would make you feel guilty about not taking a shot with them when you open your bag and give sad puppy dog eyes about how bummed you are!

you can be a little more sneaky with having DH order a non-alky beer and fill up an empty regular and just carry it around all night. no one will think you are without beer.

if it were me, i wouldn't tell. it's just not really the place.

Dilemma... opinions needed

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