Deployed spouse returning home... — The Bump
Military Families

Deployed spouse returning home...

My husband deployed last September to Iraq (army), this is his second tour. We had a baby in Feb. and he came home for two weeks when our son was two days old. He was injured last week in a non-combat related incident and will probably be sent home in about a month to potentially have surgery. I have been living with my parents since he deployed, raising our son and although I miss him so much and am of course going to move back to our duty station I am just so torn. I love being home with family and I am so nervous about how he is going to transition into the daddy role, especially since he will not be able to do as much for a few months. I don't really know what advice I am actually looking for, I just know I am feeling like a wreck just thinking about having to uproot and move back to a place I am not too familiar with and with no local family support. Also, we are on the housing list 17/40 but they told me they dont know how long the wait will actually be, so should I just get an apartment or do I wait til we get housing to move out there? TIA 

Re: Deployed spouse returning home...

  • Hi there!  I understand part of what you are going through--DH deployed while you were pregnant, has only spent 2 weeks with LO, now returning home.  Though, my DH was not injured.  I'm sorry that your DH was hurt and I hope that the surgery goes well and that he is fully recovered soon!

    I, too, moved "home" to be near family while DH was deployed.  It was very bittersweet when he came home and we PCS'd.  I was thrilled to have DH home and our family together under one roof, but it was so hard to leave my family and our routines behind.

    As for moving. . . does the housing office know that your DH is injured and that is the reason for his return?  It wouldn't hurt to check.  Also, I'd check with Rear D or the FRG to see if someone can help or has any suggestions.

    I guess, my suggestion would be to be to have a place set-up when your DH returns.  My DH redeployed and while on 30+ days leave post deployment, we had to PCS.  It has been stressful.  I would think that having a home to return to would be better for your DH.  Granted, that is a LOT of work for you.  But, if you can pull it off, I think it would be better.  Plus, it may help the transition home and into the role of daddy less stressful.

    For me, one of the challenging parts of DH coming home was letting go of things being done my way.  For 9 months, everything was done my way--because either I did it, or my mom or dad.  I tried to show DH (once or twice)  how I did things and then let him figure out how he wanted to do it.  Hopefully your DH will find his groove.  I worried about this quite a bit, but for us, it has gone smoothly.

    Good luck with everything.  If you need a shoulder, feel free to page me. 

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  • I would definently get in contact with the FRG at his unit. They will know more about how things work there. They can also get you in touch with other wives from the unit, that way when you get there you will know someone :) If that route fails, you can call the chaplain at the post. I agree with PP that your DH would really appreciate being able to go HOME, to you and his baby. This is the reason I'm going to Germany while DH is deployed, so I can be there and have house set up and everything when he gets back. As far as having to uproot and just move, that's something you gotta get used to hun. It sucks, but you get better at it everytime (it doesn't get easier, you just get better at it lol). I promise you. I'm sorry you're feeling like a wreck, I think for military wives that's a permanent state of emotion. There's always something going on..
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