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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
jersangl
member
dont know why I cant make a choice
jersangl
member
I am having such a hard time deciding on this right now. It is either to keep my babysitter or change to daycare. I started looking at daycare places and found one I love. This place is awesome. Now I feel stuck on what to do. I need some help. I really cant decide. I have gone through all the pros and cons and still feel stuck.
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Re: dont know why I cant make a choice
well daycare is more expensive and you can get sick a lot easier. The pros are more socializing and will learn more.
With the babysitter the cons are more personal just not sure how Happy Addison is with her, and pros are wont get as sick,and less expensive.
What kinds of things make you wonder about your DD's happiness?
If I were doubting the care my DD was receiving, I would be looking for a change, but I don't know what is making you question things..?
About the getting sick factor. I am a SAHM and DD is BF. I thought that combo would help her keep from getting too sick as a baby and that has SO not been the case. She has had croup, pinkeye, and RSV and had a good 4 solid months of a lingering cough/cold in between the croup and RSV. They can get sick anywhere, anytime.. even at home. AND, if you do put your child in daycare and they are exposed to all those germs at a younger age, they are less likely to get as sick when they start school because their body has already been exposed and built up immunities.
I'm only saying all that to help you narrow down factors to consider. The sick card, IMO, can be good and bad for either side. The cost is a big thing to consider, and the quality of care is the most important. You should be fully confident in the care your child receives.
The O'Baby Blog
Another benefit you're leaving out about the nanny is flexibility. That's HUGE!
But based on your pros and cons list, maybe you just need to consider a NEW nanny. It simply sounds like you're not happy with your particular nanny. Maybe find one who has her own child(ren) so that yours will get some interaction (and they usually charge less if they bring their own kid!). Or, you could look into play groups or activities that the nanny can do once a week (or more) if socializing is your concern.
And I'm certainly not saying that kids in daycare aren't learning, but just because they're in daycare doesnt mean they're learning MORE than if they're home with a caregiver. It's all about what your caregiver is doing, either at home or at daycare, that determines what your child learns.
Best of luck!
I've done both and prefer Nanny. Mainly b/c of the mass illness issues my son had and I do like that the kids have a 3 on 1 ratio as opposed to a 5 on 1 or worse 10 on 1 ratio. With that said daycare was fine and he did seem to have a nice time w/the activities.
I would maybe pay your sitter more and have her work on specific learning things, join a Mom's group, and attend tot activites like reading time at the library. I really find that it is total BULL CRAP that a child at home isn't socialized IF people are making the effort to socialize them. Same w/educating. My son has learned much more w/my current nanny than he did in the same time span at daycare b/c she sits w/him reading to him all day, singing songs, and teaching letters, animals, numbers, colors, etc.
So if you like the daycare and feel good about it I say go for it BUT if you would RATHER keep your DD w/a sitter than I say increase expectations (and maybe a little bit of pay) and follow through. Either way can be really good.
Having the 2 babies at the same age is not an excuse. I was a nanny for twins from birth to 2 and we did all sorts of stuff. We were part of a local playgroup that met 2-3x a week, we went for walks to the park daily (twice a day if it was nice out!), we went to the local children's museum, free kids activities offered around town (like Barnes & Noble story times, "Art in the Park" days, etc). If you are comfortable with the nanny driving your child around, there are lots of opportunities for socialization/getting out and about.
I would sit down and talk with your nanny about things you would like to see happen and how you can help her do those things. See what she thinks. She may have no idea that your expectations are what they are.
The O'Baby Blog
How many hours is she working? An 8 hour day at $55 is less than $7/hr. I was making $12+ as a nanny when I first started over 7 years ago, and now make $18/hr for a 20 hour week.
I'm not saying you should have to pay more for her to meet your expectations, but if you are able to pay a little more maybe approaching her with a raise along with xyz expectations would help.
The O'Baby Blog
See that would be a red flag to me! I interviewed a lot of ladies w/children Harm's age when it was just Harm but I just didn't feel they could really give my child as much attention as I wanted them too (I guess b/c as a mom myself if I was watching someone else's child I couldn't put that child ahead of my own's needs). I have some friends who do watch others kids in addition to their own and it is a really tough dynamic from what I understand.
The other thing that worries me is that she only goes to her mom's house???? I can just imagine what she is doing there, playing w/the kids... maybe... sitting and gossping... probably. My nanny is NOT allowed to use work time as socializing time unless it is at a park w/other moms or attending something important that is child focused (premie group, tot gym, or swimming classes).
To me it sounds like what you have is really just a babysitter and in that case I would lean towards daycare or finding a quality caregiver.
After all your updates, I'd just start looking for a new nanny. If you have to TELL your nanny to interact with your kid, then there's something wrong. And I wouldnt have a problem with her taking the kids to her moms house once in a while, but that's all they do? NO WAY. Start looking for someone else.
And I dont know where you are (COL, wise), but $55/day is crazy low. It isnt even minimum wage! It sounds like you're paying minimal salary for minimal care. The average nanny rate in my area is about $15-17/hour PLUS benefits. If you pay low, sometimes it's assumed that the expectation is low. Not that you always get what you pay for and that you can ONLY find a good nanny for $15/hour, but realistically, someone willing to nanny for below minimum wage may not really take the job all that seriously.
I wanted to comment on the pay thing. A couple of years ago I was a nanny and was getting paid $7. I thought it was a pretty crappy amount for all of the work I did, but I did do everything I could to make sure the baby and little boy were having fun and were out and about to story time, playgroups, the park, etc.
I will admit there were days where I wasn't feeling my best (I was pregnant and had m/s) and would call in sick because after all, I was only getting paid $7/hr to be there and it wasn't worth it when I was throwing up 7 times a day.
If I were you I'd find a new nanny. Yes, money is a factor when it comes to dependability, but in my opinion it should not be a factor when it comes to the care your child receives.
I'm surprised you find the one-on-one care to be cheaper. It does sound like you are getting a great deal, that's not usuallly the case.
We went with daycare for a few reasons. Primarily because I was not comfortable with the idea that someone was acting in loco parentis for us (like, we wanted her to like us during the day, loving DD and engaging her and being invested in her) while at the same time being our employee. I was worried what would happen if she quit after DD was bonded with her. Or if we didn't like something she was doing. That's a strange dynamic to me. I had a regular babysitter when I was little who my mom fired over something and I recall it being pretty traumatic for me.
Also, I was home all day for 10 months. I KNOW how hard it is to engage DD all day to the level that I would like. I didn't think anyone else out there could do it as well. And, with just the two of them in the house, I was worried that the consequences of a nanny's inattention would be much worse.
With daycare, the caregivers think the world of her. We had one stop by our house to drop off something she forgot. We ran into another with a girl scout troop she is involved with and she asked if we could stop so she could show off DD, "one of her babies." BUT, I feel like if one of them were to quit, the dynamic doesn't change as drastically for DD. I also feel like if all the ladies in the room are busy or distracted, DD still has all of their toys and the play structure in the room and the other kids to interact with. She's got something to occupy her and engage her always.
Also, being home for 10 months, we did story hours and music and gym classes. They're great, but they're not socialization on a par with being in daycare (for both good and bad).
Getting sick was my biggest fear, but DD is a little older now, so most illnesses are not as dire. We also timed things so she would start in the spring, hopefully a little less intensive as cold/flu season goes. I think this would have been more of a negative if I was sending her to daycare as a newborn.
I know all of these have counterarguments, some are particular to us and there are a lot of good things about nannies, but that's how we made our decision.
I was a nanny before I had DD and for a different family just after. I found it hardest to be a nanny with two babies that weren't exactly the same age (my DD was 16w, the other baby was 8w). They weren't doing the same things, their schedules clashed and both babies were SO needy. Now, if they both would have been 16w, 12w, 8w, etc, then it would have been different. I struggled to be able to give the type of care I like to give to two babies like that.
However, the other things you've posted make it sound like she was looking for an easy way to get out of paying childcare for her own baby. And taking your DD to her moms all the time? Oh hell no. If you're paying for your DD to be able to be at your house, then that's where she should be. Going to her mom's house is not an outing unless she lives in a children's museum.