SIL putting me in a bad position-wdyt?

ougrad1 · May 2010

My SIL wants to throw me a shower. I've told her no on several occasions as politely as I know how. This is my second pregnancy but, this time it's twins and one is a boy.

She called this weekend and asked who I wanted to invite. In defeat and trying to be gracious as I could, I told her two names of people I know wouldn't be offended and .I know wouldn't think twice about it.

She knows several people that I've just become friendly with (not necessarily buddies yet) and I'm afraid that she's going to throw a suprise shower.

Should I just play dumb and try to enjoy it or tell her absolutely NOT? I'm afraid that she's going to do it anyway and I'm going to be paranoid the entire shower.

She claims that anyone who doesn't want to come will ignore the invite.

aleana18 · May 2010

Could you talk to her about just making it a lunch or dinner with close friends, or maybe a spa day, miniture golf, or a movie. Something more like fun day out with the girls, than baby shower. This way it will stil give her something to plan, without being a huge shower for you.

monimonimoni · May 2010

lissasue3:
That's really tough, but I would stick to your guns and tell her absolutely not.

This. If you're not comfortable with a shower then so be it. You shouldn't have to feel obliged to go through with it so as to not hurt SIL's feelings. Just be polite but be firm and say no.

shakes · May 2010

I think you should enjoy it! Just because it's your second pregnancy doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy a small shower. Personally I would never be offended if people had showers for each pregnancy. We had a small shower for my girlfriend who just had her 4th. They had given away almost everything they had for their other 3. There was about 12 of us and we just got some stuff we knew she had already given away and needed. She was a bit embaressed at first but knew it was out of love and not one of us would every think she was being rude or grabby.

Perspective being key though. If you were demanding one with a full registry and 45 people that might be a bit much lol. Just let her have her fun. I wouldn't register for anything though and just let your friends and family spoil the babies! Enjoy this, everyone deserves and it and you're having 2 at once! :O)

~*Sarah*~ · May 2010

my little sis said something about trowing me another one. i always thought that you just got one. maybe because your having twins she thinks it will be helpful is there a reason you are against one.

Sweets2005 · May 2010

I would tell her no and that you have plans that day! LOL! Or if she is super insistant, tell her that it has to be worded as a sprinkle or a no gift shower. Or see if she would host a sip and see instead? Just because she is hosting it, doesn't mean you don't have a say.

My sister wanted to do awful things with my shower and I told her NO WAY!

mrs.cam · May 2010

lissasue3:
That's really tough, but I would stick to your guns and tell her absolutely not.

this. tell her why you think it is not appropriate and put your foot down.

slharbi1 · May 2010

If I was invited to a second shower for someone, especially twins and one being a boy I wouldn't think anything of it. I personally would say thank you and be gracious just like you are being. Every baby should be celebrated.

I think you are reading too much into it. Enjoy your special day.

irlndsumer · May 2010

slharbi1:

If I was invited to a second shower for someone, especially twins and one being a boy I wouldn't think anything of it. I personally would say thank you and be gracious just like you are being. Every baby should be celebrated.

I think you are reading too much into it. Enjoy your special day.

Ditto this. I wouldn't be offended if I was invited to that shower. I honestly don't see what the big deal is- I've been to numerous 2nd-3rd-4th baby showers and look at it as more of a celebration of the baby than someone being gift-grabby. That thought never crossed my mind until seeing how much it's put down on the nest/bump. Enjoy your day and don't worry about it!

ETA-- if she's excited enough to spend money and take the time and effort to throw you a shower, don't you think other people would be just as excited to celebrate with you?

chris5olson · May 2010

ougrad1:
My SIL wants to throw me a shower. I've told her no on several occasions as politely as I know how. This is my second pregnancy but, this time it's twins and one is a boy.

She called this weekend and asked who I wanted to invite. In defeat and trying to be gracious as I could, I told her two names of people I know wouldn't be offended and .I know wouldn't think twice about it.

She knows several people that I've just become friendly with (not necessarily buddies yet) and I'm afraid that she's going to throw a suprise shower.

Should I just play dumb and try to enjoy it or tell her absolutely NOT? I'm afraid that she's going to do it anyway and I'm going to be paranoid the entire shower.

She claims that anyone who doesn't want to come will ignore the invite.

if shes absolutely insistent and it really makes you uncomfortable maybe tell your DH.

or another option is to have a sprinkle. where guest could just come and have fun while bringing something small like diapers, or formulas little things since your going to be having twins,

i found this wording for invites online if you decide to do the shower maybe you can tell your SIL

This is a baby shower poem idea for a "sprinkle" (a sprinkle is a toned-down version of a baby shower, usually for a 2nd or 3rd child)
Pins, Diapers, Bottles Galore
(mothers name) and (fathers name) are having 2 more
Big (sister/brother) has plenty to share
This is only a "sprinkle" to show that we care
Please join us to celebrate before babies are due
This time we are expecting pink AND blue!!

i hope it works out

shakes · May 2010

chris5olson:
ougrad1:

My SIL wants to throw me a shower. I've told her no on several occasions as politely as I know how. This is my second pregnancy but, this time it's twins and one is a boy.

She called this weekend and asked who I wanted to invite. In defeat and trying to be gracious as I could, I told her two names of people I know wouldn't be offended and .I know wouldn't think twice about it.

She knows several people that I've just become friendly with (not necessarily buddies yet) and I'm afraid that she's going to throw a suprise shower.

Should I just play dumb and try to enjoy it or tell her absolutely NOT? I'm afraid that she's going to do it anyway and I'm going to be paranoid the entire shower.

She claims that anyone who doesn't want to come will ignore the invite.

if shes absolutely insistent and it really makes you uncomfortable maybe tell your DH.

or another option is to have a sprinkle. where guest could just come and have fun while bringing something small like diapers, or formulas little things since your going to be having twins,

i found this wording for invites online if you decide to do the shower maybe you can tell your SIL

This is a baby shower poem idea for a "sprinkle" (a sprinkle is a toned-down version of a baby shower, usually for a 2nd or 3rd child)
Pins, Diapers, Bottles Galore
(mothers name) and (fathers name) are having 2 more
Big (sister/brother) has plenty to share
This is only a "sprinkle" to show that we care
Please join us to celebrate before babies are due
This time we are expecting pink AND blue!!

i hope it works out

Genius! Well done!

ougrad1 · May 2010

chris5olson:
ougrad1:

My SIL wants to throw me a shower. I've told her no on several occasions as politely as I know how. This is my second pregnancy but, this time it's twins and one is a boy.

She called this weekend and asked who I wanted to invite. In defeat and trying to be gracious as I could, I told her two names of people I know wouldn't be offended and .I know wouldn't think twice about it.

She knows several people that I've just become friendly with (not necessarily buddies yet) and I'm afraid that she's going to throw a suprise shower.

Should I just play dumb and try to enjoy it or tell her absolutely NOT? I'm afraid that she's going to do it anyway and I'm going to be paranoid the entire shower.

She claims that anyone who doesn't want to come will ignore the invite.

if shes absolutely insistent and it really makes you uncomfortable maybe tell your DH.

or another option is to have a sprinkle. where guest could just come and have fun while bringing something small like diapers, or formulas little things since your going to be having twins,

i found this wording for invites online if you decide to do the shower maybe you can tell your SIL

This is a baby shower poem idea for a "sprinkle" (a sprinkle is a toned-down version of a baby shower, usually for a 2nd or 3rd child)
Pins, Diapers, Bottles Galore
(mothers name) and (fathers name) are having 2 more
Big (sister/brother) has plenty to share
This is only a "sprinkle" to show that we care
Please join us to celebrate before babies are due
This time we are expecting pink AND blue!!

i hope it works out

I really like this...thank you!!!! It's a nice compromise. : )

LCB34 · May 2010

lissasue3:
That's really tough, but I would stick to your guns and tell her absolutely not.

I agree with this.

blondek8 · May 2010

lissasue3:
That's really tough, but I would stick to your guns and tell her absolutely not.

I agree. Thanks I appreciate the thought, but no thanks. Good luck!

pitterpatter129 · May 2010

My small group of girlfriends and the place I work always have a shower for expecting moms, no matter how many previous pregnancies they've had. People love baby showers! I've never heard any of my friends or coworkers say anything about how the people have already had showers in the past... I wouldn't worry about it and would just enjoy it! You wouldn't be wrong to insist she doesn't invite everyone you know though if you feel uncomfortable. Tell her it's unusual to get a second shower and that you don't want her to make a big deal out of it, as people might think it odd. If she isn't a mom herself, she might just be excited for you and not know the typical protocol.

tmcox12 · May 2010

You could always ask her to tell people not to bring gifts. Then they are just getting together for some food, and to stare at you for a while, which will still be uncomfortable, but at least you won't feel paranoid or like you are being rude or anything.

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