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anyone with...Stay-at-home Dad (long)

miavinomiavino
in Working Moms

My husband and I are debating him staying at home for a few years with our 2 children( 2 years and 2 months). ?Just wondering what others do. Here's the facts..

I would absolutely stay home but I am a teacher and my salary, health benefits, and job security is better than his.

He is a union carpenter so his salary could be better some years but not definite.?

My parents watched DS first year, a friend last year and we found another very nice mom who watches 2-4 other children a day to watch out kids next year. ?But it is ripping my heart out to leave them again when I go back. I went and visited yesterday and even though she was very nice I don't want to leave them ( maybe because they are not getting the one-on-one attention DS once got mixed with me with the gut feeling of not wanting to leave them).

?Anyway, husband says he will stay home with them without doubts or resentment because he wants me to be happy! ?I keep prodding him about if he would really want this and he says he has not problem with it.Yes we wouldn't be buying a new house or big things for awhile but I think its worth it. Knowing he would be with them makes me ?stop crying everyday thinking of leaving them! ?I just don't want to be selfish.?

Even though I have somewhat good daycare..should we have daddy stay with kids because we can?? ?Thoughts??

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Re: anyone with...Stay-at-home Dad (long)

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    Bella427Bella427 member
    We were in a similar situation re: me having stable job with health insurance and his being at times more lucrative but less predictable.  When he was laid off he was a SAHD for 18 months.  It was a struggle financially so we were happy when he found a full time gig but I have to say that it worked really well for us other than the $ aspect.  DH did great, DD loved being home with daddy, I loved not fixing lunches, not rushing to pick up and drop off, not getting her dressed in the morning, etc.  The slower lifestyle was nice.  Now she's back at school and doing great but there are pros and cons to both situations.  Oh, and she got sick much less often and I didn't have to miss work when she did. 
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    Bella427Bella427 member
    Oh, and if the kids could do a 1 or 2 day parents day out while your DH did a little freelance work, I'd recommend trying that.  Good socialization for them and DH liked having something of his own. 
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    mysticportermysticporter

    My DH is a SAHD, we had actually decided it would be the best choice for our family before we even had kids.

    The decision as to if a man should be a SAHD has many of the same considerations as if a woman should be a SAHM.  Sit down and work out the budget, and determine what things you might need to sacrifice for financial reasons with only one income.  Also look at what your family lifestyle would be like in either scenario. 

    One things that concerns me in your post is that it seems like this is something he would be doing as a favor to you.  Doing something for your loved one is great and all, but in the long haul it can be a real stresser...he's got to want to do it/enjoy it.  One problem that shows up in a lot of reverse gender role households is that while many SAHM's embrace the role of caring for the household as well as the kids, some SAHD's really dislike that aspect, and mom ends up taking care of the house on top of her job.  Can lead to a lot of bitterness...would your DH be happy picking up the lion's share of laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.?

    If y'all do go this route, make sure he finds as much support as possible.  It can be harder as a SAHD than a SAHM, because there's a lot of ready infrastructure (mommy and me classes, etc.) for women and people 'expect' it, whereas a SAHD in a lot of situations sticks out (he has to be prepared to deal with that and overcome it, because it's still important for the kids to interact with other kids and him to interact with other adults).  Like PP said, if he can keep his job skills up, that's also great, so that when the kids start school he may be able to go back to work on a more regular basis if he chooses.


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    mom2anangelmom2anangel member

    I have a little different situation - my H works afternoons and I work during the day.  H is with our DD during the day and then we meet at his work at 3 where we swap and I am with her while he's at work.  So, he's with DD a good deal of every day.  It's not ideal for a few reasons - # 1, he doesn't have any background with kids so his days are not filled with activities or doing things.  Basically, they sit at home and watch TV and play with toys.  She's 16 months and for right now it works but it irks me to no end that he doesn't find activities (or even do activities that I suggest) or go for walks or anything like that...it's just not his personality.  don't get me wrong, he's a GREAT dad at meeting her basic needs and she's very happy and LOVES her daddy but if I were home I would be taking her to play groups, story time, going outside, exploring the world.  So, I try to make up for that stuff when I'm with her.  My H works the afternoon position so that we can have this arrangement though.  On the days I work longer (2 days a week) she goes to my IL's for a few hours or my mom comes over.  It's been great.  I would love for her to go to preschool in a year or so but right now having her with daddy makes me feel better than having her in child care.  I've been offered a new position where I can work 8-2 every day which will be even better but we're going to have another baby and I just think that having my H get two kids ready to meet me is going to be too much.

    That being said, had I known my H wouldn't be the kind of guy who goes out and does things with DD I still would have chosen to have her with him.  She's a very bright and happy little girl and I don't think she's being deprived of anything - I just would have done different things if the situation was reversed.  So...maybe those are some things to consider.

    As far as the mom friend who already watches 2-4 kids, unless she's a licensed day care provider I wouldn't even consider it for regular care - sure, if you have a once in a while kind of bind and need someone to watch your kids that's great but I don't think I would go for that situation.

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    drreidloverdrreidlover
    My DH stayed home with our DD for her first nine months. He loved it! I agree with pp who said there in not as much geared to stay at home dads. Moms have so many play groups etc but the few times DH took my DD he felt weird. He would take her for walks but that is it. He did love it and has such a great bond with her. He also has way more respect for SAHM's. 
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    Mrs.McLovinMrs.McLovin member

    Dh was laid off a year ago this week. He didn't start working again until December.

    At first he seemed to like being home with DS, although he did keep him in daycare 2 days a week. In his defense, we were getting ready to move to another state and he needed the time to pack, ect.

    Once we moved, he looked for part time daycare claiming he needed the time to look for a job and do things around the house. Dh took B all over the place and to all sorts of local national parks. It was great! I was sad and kind of resented him when he found a job and started working in December.

    I wish Dh would stay home. We don't need his income.

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