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Don't Dwell On It

xDenaxxDenax
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Yes, someone said that to me today. Two days after my D&C. Don't dwell on the pain? The fact my baby DIED? What is it I shouldn't dwell on exactly???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And no, this person has never had a miscarriage. I know she loves me but for goodness sake that was ridiculous. She's all "Rah Rah, life is great, you'll be fine, go have some fun, you'll have a baby eventually, blah blah blah". 

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Re: Don't Dwell On It

  • bridezilla916bridezilla916 member
    Sorry you had to deal with this. I got the same comments and still continue to. I think people are trying to make us feel better, but 9 out of 10 times they wind up making us feel worse. Sometimes I feel like wearing a big sign that says "if you have anything else to say besides sorry, don't bother saying anything at all".
    DD#1 born sleeping on May 1, 2010 at 21w2d, lost but never forgotten Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Kml9876Kml9876 member
    I am so so sorry. I m/c two weeks ago tomorrow. I was only 5 weeks 2 days but trust me I have moments that I still dwell on it.
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  • xDenaxxDenax
    I know people aren't sure what to say but some things should be obvious.
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  • tlcW0714tlcW0714
    Ew. People kill me!! I'm sorry!!  I wish we could just filter peoples thoughts and stop them before they say it.  I've learned SOO much about what not to say to people both DURING pregnancy and during a loss at any point in life!
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  • Jessicaanne_1@yahoo.comJessicaanne_1@yahoo.com
    I'm sorry. There may be some people you need to avoid for a while. Most people don't get it. They say things with good intentions most of the time. ((hugs)) Putting up with the stupid comments gets easier with time. Its okay to avoid people right now if you need to. I did.
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  • CeCe04CeCe04
    Ugh..people just do not understand. Its awful. Lots of hugs honey, and you take all the time you need to grieve your loss. I'm so sorry.
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  • shanna82shanna82 member
    I'm sorry!  Just try to remember that a lot of people we come across IRL have no idea what this is like.  Not that it makes it any better now, but maybe later...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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  • AmorXAeternaAmorXAeterna

    My husband of all people told me this on the day that was to be my first appointment. Even though he was just trying to be helpful he still got ignored for the rest of the evening. It's hard not to 'dwell' on it when you still have that pain in your heart but if it helps you heal fvck everyone else.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Zed58Zed58

    Sometimes people suck.

    They don't mean to suck.  They just do.  

    Sorry that she said that to you.  When you've never been through it, I just don't think you can understand how hard it is.  (((HUGS))) 

    Forever missing Baby Z #3 ~ Natural m/c 4.12.2010 at 11w2d
    *So proud and so lucky to be the mommy of two beautiful little girls
    and one handsome little man*
    RJ~5.17.2005~born @ 37w due to IUGR~4lbs 15ozs
    Al~4.5.2008~born big and healthy @ 38w~7lbs 9.5ozs
    Lil man~5.20.2011~born big and healthy @ 39w (after one he!! of a pregnancy)~8lbs 1oz
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  • CashewsMommyCashewsMommy member
    People say some stupid things! I know their hearts are in their right places, they just don't want to see us in pain anymore and don't understand that it just doesn't go away. If she says anything again I would say right to her that the pain is going to be strong for awhile and not anything that will just go away.


    BFP#1 {Cashew} - 9.19.09 EDD 5.26.10
    The day you first lay in my arms, you made my life complete.
    Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
     BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11

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  • damabo80damabo80 member

    imagetlcW0714:
    Ew. People kill me!! I'm sorry!!  I wish we could just filter peoples thoughts and stop them before they say it.  I've learned SOO much about what not to say to people both DURING pregnancy and during a loss at any point in life!

    Couldn't agree more. I'm so sorry you had to be subjected to a comment like that.


    BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
    BFP #2 via IUI ~ m/c
    BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
    BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
    image







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