Having a tough day...(long)
I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I am so ready to get off!! Earlier in the week I was excited to be healing so we could try this month. Of course, without intention I put a ton of pressure on myself. DH was reluctant to try Wed night because he was afraid he was going to hurt me from the surgery. So I said ok but we really need to Thurs and Fri.
Well wouldn't you know it that we got into a fight yesterday, on the phone of all places, while I was at work. It didn't get any better when I got home either. Needless to say, we didn't try last night and I think I may have Oed a day early. I could cry. I was having EWCM and O pains yesterday and the day before and yesterday afternoon the pains vanished. I either Oed or it was a cyst. I think I Oed. Great...
I am so on edge some days its terrible. I get so down and don't want to do anything but sit. My months are limited by our 'end date' and it makes me sick to waste a month because we aren't getting along. I want a baby more than anything right now. My biggest fear is getting to December and walking away empty handed. I am so thankful for my DD, she is wonderful. I just feel so incomplete and I don't know if that will ever go away.
Thanks for letting me get that out....
TTC #2 since 4/09
Unexplained Secondary IF
*****************************
4 failed rounds of clomid ~ 4 failed IUIs ~ 1 m/c
2/3/11: IUI #5 - Femara/Follistim/Ovidrel/Crinone = BFP (2/14)!!!
Beta #1 (12dpiui): 53 Beta #2 (14dpiui): 203 Beta #3 (20dpiui): 3932 Beta #4 (28dpiui): 60,775
1st U/S (3/3): 2 sacs & yolks 2nd U/S (3/8) 2 heartbeats-TWINS!
Baby A:6w6d HR 131 Baby B:6w4d HR 124
TWINS!! EDD 10/25/2011
Re: Having a tough day...(long)
I am so sorry!! Huge hugs to you!!!! I know exactly how you feel about being incomplete. Vent away that is what we are here for!
Hope that it all works out for you!!!!!
TTC #2 since Nov '07
Tried 4 cycles of Clomid, TI, Gonal-f, and IUI's - all BFFN's
Both tubes removed Nov '09
Low AMH = 0.3
IVF #1 for Feb '10 - cancelled due to poor response - Gonal-f and Repronex
IVF #1.2 for June '10 - Gonal-f, Menopur, and micro Lupron
ER - 6/19 (2 retrieved), ET - 6/22 (1 transferred with ICSI), Beta 7/5 = BFFN
IVF #2 for Nov '10 was cancelled due to poor response - Follistim, Repronex, and micro Lupron
IVF #2.2 for Feb '11 - Gonal-f, Repronex, and Ganirelix
ER - 2/24 (8 retrieved), ET - 3/1 (2 transferred with ICSI), froze 3, Beta 3/11 = BFFN
FET - 4/19 (3 transferred), Beta 4/28 = BFP, EDD 1/4/12
Oh, I wish I could give you hug! I totally know what you mean about the roller coaster. I wish life had a pause button. I love my DD more than anything in the world but I so desperately want another child. Talk to DH- maybe there is still a chance for this month.
Good luck.
So DH and I made up. The fight was over nothing. I was on edge and not being very nice to him, his words. The evening was good. I even had a glass of wine to unwind, which I don't do often.
We go to bed and begin talking. He tries to understand what I am going through but he doesn't. I am normally emotional around AF not O. So that throws him off a little. We talk some more, it isn't going anywhere. I wish I had the ability to have such a carefree spirit about TTC like he does. I don't, I can't. So I begin to cry. He asks me why and I don't have an answer. I just sob, hard. Sometimes its more than I can handle. I feel like a failure.
He even asked if we need to see someone. I have toyed with the idea. I just don't know what I need right now. Well, yes I do, I need baby. That's all I need, all I want. I feel so lost and alone. He makes me feel like I am making this harder than it is. I wish for one month he could live in my shoes. He tries but he just doesn't get it. Tell me he isnt the only one...
So, if you all don't know, I am still under the care of my OB/GYN right now for insurance reasons. I think when I go Tuesday for my post-op I am going to tell him I am ready to see the RE and possibly a therapist.
There was no real point here, just rambling on...my night got better and then worse. What gives.
TTC #2 since 4/09
Unexplained Secondary IF
*****************************
4 failed rounds of clomid ~ 4 failed IUIs ~ 1 m/c
2/3/11: IUI #5 - Femara/Follistim/Ovidrel/Crinone = BFP (2/14)!!!
Beta #1 (12dpiui): 53 Beta #2 (14dpiui): 203 Beta #3 (20dpiui): 3932 Beta #4 (28dpiui): 60,775
1st U/S (3/3): 2 sacs & yolks 2nd U/S (3/8) 2 heartbeats-TWINS!
Baby A:6w6d HR 131 Baby B:6w4d HR 124
TWINS!! EDD 10/25/2011
This exactly! I so know how you feel. My DH is the same as yours. I don't think they really understand how we feel sometimes (well most of the time). We are on an emotional/physical roller coaster, getting tossed around, told things we don't want to hear from docs, you name it...
Hope your weekend gets better!
TTC #2 since Nov '07
Tried 4 cycles of Clomid, TI, Gonal-f, and IUI's - all BFFN's
Both tubes removed Nov '09
Low AMH = 0.3
IVF #1 for Feb '10 - cancelled due to poor response - Gonal-f and Repronex
IVF #1.2 for June '10 - Gonal-f, Menopur, and micro Lupron
ER - 6/19 (2 retrieved), ET - 6/22 (1 transferred with ICSI), Beta 7/5 = BFFN
IVF #2 for Nov '10 was cancelled due to poor response - Follistim, Repronex, and micro Lupron
IVF #2.2 for Feb '11 - Gonal-f, Repronex, and Ganirelix
ER - 2/24 (8 retrieved), ET - 3/1 (2 transferred with ICSI), froze 3, Beta 3/11 = BFFN
FET - 4/19 (3 transferred), Beta 4/28 = BFP, EDD 1/4/12