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January 2011 Moms
No More Goodbyes....
I don't know about anyone else but my heart is breaking, I'm literally in tears over all the goodbye posts this week and especially today. I'm so scared I'll be the next to post a goodbye. I've decided to go forward with faith and without fear.
For all of those who we've lost too soon we'll miss you ladies and hope to see you on here again soon. For the rest of us, let us not live our pregnancies in fear, but rather with high hopes and the knowledge every good and perfect thing comes from God and that everything happens for a reason.
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Re: No More Goodbyes....
Totally agree. It's so sad to read the goodbye posts, because I can't imagine the trauma that these ladies are going through.
Prayers are definitely going out to them and to the rest of us as well.
Peetie's exactly right. Same thing goes for "it was God's plan." Well meant but not helpful.
It is scary to see other people have miscarriages and sometimes it's hard to open up a post and say "I'm so sorry" but it's so much easier than what these gals are going through. I guess I see it as the least I can do.
Harper Oksana, born on her due date, January 20, 2011, and the love of my life
This exactly. I don't believe that my previous loss happened for a reason. It sucked and that phrase isn't comforting at all.
It's so terribly sad when people go through miscarriages. I'm glad that people on this board are supportive and offer sympathy to those going through miscarriages. It's just devastating.
BFP #1 12/28/09 D&C 2/15/10
BFP #2 DS
BFP #3 5/13/12 M/C 6/10/12
BFP #4 8/12/12 M/C 8/18/12
September 2012 - 2.5mg Femara + Ovidrel + TI = BFP #5 Beta #1 - 61 @ 12 dpo, Beta #2 - 183 @ 14 dpo, Beta #3 - 1466 @ 19 dpo
Oh gosh...
definitely not my intention and I would never say something on purpose to be insensitive. I apologize. That has always been a coping mechanism for me that has helped over the years get past things I just couldn't understand. If it hurt anyone I apologize.
I appreciate your response. Honestly, so many people don't know what to say. Unless you've been there you might not realize how some of these things can be hurtful.
You're right. I have absolutely no idea how much it hurts or what it feels like to lose a child. In not knowing what to say, it leaves entirely too much room for unknowingly hurtful words to come out. The sentence "Everything happens for a reason" was entirely meant for the pregnancy not for the loss. Still not comforting I know, but I just wanted everyone to know I wasn't saying their loss happened for a reason.
I am so with you. Every single one breaks my heart and I want to bury my head in the sand and ignore them because they make me so fearful, but that is selfish and whatever pain it causes me to read them is nothing compared to what the poor mothers are going through with the loss, so it's the least I can do to offer a little support and T&P.
I am trying to relax and trust God with my pregnancy but it is really difficult not to be fearful all the time, especially this early. I hope all the ladies going through losses find comfort here, and on other boards, you are always in our thoughts.
I'll confess I feel a bit guilty for not replying.. or even reading loss threads.. I had a loss in November and I just cant handle it. reading it makes me illl and deperssed and i start worrying obcessively about my baby. BUt i do pray for everyone, both those coping with loss and us still fearing it.?
The one really comforting thing is that as time progresses and we all move through the number of sorrowful posts will reduce. I dont recall ever posting my loss, I just left.
while I agree that most things peole say dont do much good what i found most helpful for me was when the nurses at the hospital woudl tell me "your pain is real and valid and you are absolutely right in whatever way you need to cope."
it was so good to just know that noone was going to tell me to move on, or get over it, or that I'd even have a healthy baby later.. they didnt try to minimize right where I was right at that moment.. and I'll always be so thankful for that.?
Agreed. One of the top 5 wrong things to say to a woman that has lost a baby. Whether that baby was just a few weeks in the womb or delivered at full term. Leave God out of it and stick to the simple "I'm sorry."
I understand where the confusion comes from on why these statements at the least don't help and at the worst can actually be very hurtful. In most areas of my life, I am an "everything happens for a reason" type girl. But if you think about it. What reason can you offer a woman that has high hopes to start a family, gets pregnant and is so hopeful, then loses the baby? I guess, God just didn't want it to work out for you? God decided you don't deserve a body that can grow a healthy baby even though biologically, its what a woman is meant to do? Not trying to make you feel worse, but if you think about it this way, you might understand. No worries, you did not offend me. Just using this discussion opportunity to enlighten those that don't understand so you know better how to react.
Ok, I am truly sorry for hurting anyone or coming off as insensitive. I have no idea what it must feel like and would never tell someone their miscarriage happened for a reason.
I really wish people wouldn't take one sentence out of context. That sentence was for those of us who are still here and was in no way aimed toward someone who has suffered a loss. Why is it I can write two paragraphs of condolences but one sentence can make such a wake? The sentence everything happens for a reason was supposed to be a reassurance. A "we're pregnant for a reason". Which is exactly why I didn't put it in the sentence for those who are hurting. I understand this is a sensitive subject, but I didn't start the subject off with anything except extreme sympathy and yet I'm being berated by a "why are you so insensitive, you think God wanted to take my baby or God doesn't think I should have kids?" I know this is a painful subject and I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to lose a child, but these types of responses to a post that was meant for showing sympathy only makes me scared to post anything.
I'm done with the bump. I was hoping for camaraderie and union. This is my first pregnancy and with it being high risk I wanted to see what other women are going through, but this is something completely different. I am sorry for the misunderstanding. Good luck with your pregnancies ladies and I wish the best for you all.
Overreact much?
To the put "God's plan/it happened for a reason" comment into perspective for you, try this one on for size: God thinks you deserve a high-risk pregnancy and made you high risk for a reason. Now do you understand why that comment is a slap in the face?
Overreact much?
To the put "God's plan/it happened for a reason" comment into perspective for you, try this one on for size: God thinks you deserve a high-risk pregnancy and made you high risk for a reason. Now do you understand why that comment is a slap in the face?
Wow! Really! Once again you didn't read my post correctly. That sentance had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS LOST A CHILD. I don't know how much clearer I need to put it. I NEVER SAID GOD THINKS YOU DESERVE A M/C. I NEVER SAID GOD TOOK YOUR BABY FOR A REASON. Could you possibly misconstrue my words anymore????? Did you even read my post or did you once again take one sentence and take it out of context
Yet another reason once my account gets deleted I'm done.
Ok, I know you are "done" with the bump but before you go, how did you intend for this sentence to come across? Every good and perfect thing comes from God? What, the fact that you're pregnant? You are saying that some women have healthy pregnancies because of God, implying that if you don't have a healthy pregnancy, that is also because of God. What exactly happens for a reason? You are back pedaling. We were cool until you posted that ridiculous good bye rant and tried to make us think we read your post wrong.
I read your post, actually. What you said was "Everything happens for a reason." Everything seems like a pretty unequivocal statement to me.
And if all the puppies and rainbows come from God, where does everything else come from? God only has a hand in good things? Not in bad ones? There's a strike for omnipotence.