s/o For those who choose NOT to BF

aswinney · May 2010

Do you feel judged everytime that you have this discussion with anyone?

I can't BF - and honestly, don't know that I would if I could. But, my MIL (who is a labor and delivery nurse) makes me feel like if I don't my baby will be a sickly child until its very early death...And because she feels that way - it has also become a realy issue for DH. But, my medical problems that make this impossible for me are not my decision. You'd think once people realize that you physically can not BF your child they would drop it instead of treating you like you are incapable and a failure as a mother.

Hyfagal · May 2010

I'm going to try but I find that already when I say try I get the side eye like "it's not that hard." Most of the people I talk to take that answer as an invitation to try and convince me of why it is so great. I know people that's obviously why I want to try but it's not always possible.

MrsPreK · May 2010

Nope. No one has ever questioned me and frankly, it isn't any of their business even if they did

aegrimm · May 2010

Yes, I felt judged. But, only by some people. Most people in my personal experience were supportive. I chose not to BF because I simply didn't want to. My experience with both my pregnancies has been that I feel like I don't own my body anymore and that puts me into a severe depression. I chose not to BF simply for my own sanity (and, ultimately, my family's).

Yes, I acknowledge that "Breast is Best" when it comes to nutrition, etc. But, ultimately, what is "best" for your family is what works for you. If you can't BF for health reasons than yuor DH needs to support you and tell his mom to back off.

{{hugs}} Good luck!

HydrangeaSunset · May 2010

I have. When I was in the hospital after having my 6 year old, two of the three nurses looked down their noses at me when I told them I was choosing not to BF. They told me "it's HIGHLY SUGGESTED by medical professionals that you breastfeed, for the health of the baby, as well as bonding for the mother." My daughter is absolutely fine and I don't plan to BF future babies.

Connys1976 · May 2010

I have to take Meds that wont allow me to BF. I will talk to my specialist once I hit 7 or 8 month to see if he will let me be off them for a little while so I can BF atleast for a month or two but it is highly unlikley.

And yes because of thinks that people say about them being sickly all their life and dont bond as much with their mom is why I will talk to Dr and know feel like I am failing my little one if I cant even if its out of my control.

I keep telling myself there are a lot of people that live very happy health live and had a great bond with their mom that havent been BF but its hard.

sleepingbeauty825 · May 2010

I chose not to and I'm so glad. Formula feeding works so well for my H and I as we both work full time. Not only that, but we ended up dealing with severe reflux issues in addition to a milk allergy. Honestly, elimination dieting, pumping and all the misery that babies go through with reflux would have inevitably made me feel like a failure.

Bases on NO other circumstances yes, Breast is Best, but it really needs to boil down to what is best for your family based on your individual circumstances.

tlcondon · May 2010

I am undecided right now. I tried to with my DD and she would not latch on (she was a considered a preemie born at 36 weeks and 5 lbs, 5 oz). So, I wanted her to get breast milk in the beginning, but with her not latching on, I pumped for about 3 weeks and that was the most awful experience. It was very painful and I never could get alot of milk anyways, so we had to supplement with formula to begin with.

alliecarrie41 · May 2010

i plan on trying, and if i can't, i'm not worried. neither is anyone in my family. i wasn't BF and turned out just fine, thank you!

AmyLiz · May 2010

I chose not to breastfeed my first baby and I was so nervous to tell my doctor when she asked. But she was super cool with it and said "Ok, well here's what you say if anyone gives you a hard time about it...just say your doctor said you can't." But fortunately I never had to use that line. People didn't push it on me, even those friends who I know feel strong about it. I lucked out!

whits900 · May 2010

I wasn't BF either - my mom said I was allergic to her breast milk (I guess they found out that's impossible, but either way, I wouldn't do it)

I've been completely healthy all my life - although I do have to say, my mother and I are not close at all. But I don't think that has anything to do with not BFing...

March04b2b · May 2010

tlcondon:
I am undecided right now. I tried to with my DD and she would not latch on (she was a considered a preemie born at 36 weeks and 5 lbs, 5 oz). So, I wanted her to get breast milk in the beginning, but with her not latching on, I pumped for about 3 weeks and that was the most awful experience. It was very painful and I never could get alot of milk anyways, so we had to supplement with formula to begin with.

This happend to me with my son and I ended up pumping for 6 months...Totally different story with my daughter. She latched on right away in the hospital and it was a breeze the whole time. I ended up breastfeeding her until 11 1/2 months. So please don't give up or not try because of the experience with the first!!!

AnnecyDream · May 2010

This is probably the thing I'm most anxious about. I wasn't breastfed, neither were any of my 4 siblings. And I'd rather not breastfeed myself, for a variety of reasons. But right now I'm planning to, solely because of the societal pressure that I feel.

Reasons persuading me to do it: 95% of newborns are breastfed. How can I buck that trend? I won't even feed my dogs non-organic dog food, but I'll give my baby chemicals out of a can? Plus my SIL is a La Leche psycho and still BFs her 18 mo. and I fear her judging. Also, I will not be returning to work, so what's "my excuse"? (A lot of this is sarcasm)

Reasons to not: I would much rather FF, mostly so that my DH can do night feedings too, and my mom in the early weeks. We're all super close to our mom and we weren't BF. Nor are any of us "sickly", not in the slightest.

williaw · May 2010

I plan on trying. The opposite has happened to me...I have a know-it-all friend that is just SURE that since she couldn't BF, I won't be able to. Ugh.

ambermum5 · May 2010

I did with DS off and on for 3 months, I pumped as well and mixed it in with regular formula. I don't plan on BF'ing at all with this one, possibly every once and a while. The nurses at the hospital did make me feel uncomfortable about not doing it exclusivly and giving DS a pacifier, but I did what I wanted and was up front with them about it. Don't let people make you feel guilty, its obviously not for everyone!

RobynandJason05/06 · May 2010

Do what works for your family. Who cares what anyone else thinks. I have never b/f any of my kids and wont with the new one thats coming. Its my personal decision. I have no medical reasons not to do it, I just have no desire to do it. I can say that openly and honestly. My kids were NEVER sick until my oldest now 11 started daycare at 3. My younger DS just 2 has only had a cold two times since birth.

I dont think thats bad at all.

RobynandJason05/06 · May 2010

Do what works for your family. Who cares what anyone else thinks. I have never b/f any of my kids and wont with the new one thats coming. Its my personal decision. I have no medical reasons not to do it, I just have no desire to do it. I can say that openly and honestly. My kids were NEVER sick until my oldest now 11 started daycare at 3l. My younger DS just 2 has only had a cold two times since birth.

I dont think thats bad at all.

Nickey22897 · May 2010

I could care less what anyone thought. With my DD I tried my damndest for 10 days - it was horrible & I resented feeding her. After discussing it with her Ped she said it was okay for me to switch if things were going that bad & I was having bad feelings towards feeding.

I never felt judged until about a year ago when my DH had to make a snide remark about me "quitting" when his friends GF was still doing it after the kid turned one. I was pissed. I am not sure what I will do this time around.

I can tell you my DD is very healthy (never gets sick - "knock on wood") & is highly intelligent (have been told by several educators - please believe me when I say I am not tooting my horn here - I rarely mention it). I do not regret my decision & will not let anyone make me feel bad for what I choose this time around.

elizabeth429 · May 2010

Seriously, don't feel bad AT ALL. Not for a moment. You have to do what is best for your baby, and all babies and mom's are different.

::Probably going to get bashed but don't care::

I am still BFing DD and I have to admit, I REALLY don't like it. I do it because DD really loves nursing and is so attatched to it, but that's the problem for me. I feel like she always wants to be on me and I just want my body back. I know it's best for her so I've been pumping so I can feed her from the bottle, and so DH can feed her. I still put her to the breast first thing in the AM mostly because we're still sleepy.

I feel like I'm the only mom on the planet who doesn't get the "warm fuzzies" over BFing. I am seriously dreading BFing the next one but feel like I have to b/c I did DD. I am totally considering EPing once my supply is established, but we'll see, I really don't like pumping either.

I got off on a little tangent, but my point is, BFing isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Do what feels right to you, and don't look back.

Heather1979 · May 2010

What's weird is that it seems like no matter what you do, you will get judged. I EBF for 6 months. It was -in all honesty- one of the hardest things I ever did. And I constantly got the side eye and questions because my LO (who is a preemie) is on the small side. People kept pushing the idea of FF her and one person even accused me of starving her!

I supplement now and Im on my way to exclusively ff her (BFP dried this moo cow up), and you know what? Either way my LO is getting nourishment and she's happy.

So tell someone to sit on it when they give you an unsolicited opinion!

mommy411 · May 2010

I was dead set against BFing untill I decided to "try"! Well it is everyones choice and it is not easy by any means.

I BF for 1 year and 1 week

MaggieGrace · May 2010

I'm Debbie Downer. You will be judged. It may not be overt, but you will be judged. Even if you tell people that it is for medical reasons, they'll think that maybe you could have gotten around it somehow. If you can't do it because you had a breast reduction, some people will think "did you even try?" Honestly, people judge us for everything. Everyone thinks they know what is best. Those who get epis judge people who go natural. Those who go natural judge people that get epis. You just need to figure out a way not to let it bother you. And, maybe come up with a whopper of a lie as to why you can't. Like, if someone in a store asks you why you aren't BFing, tell them that you can't because you used to be a man :-)

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