Ferber Night 1 - Horrible Failure, in tears (me)

Meggie1129 · October 2008

Please, please no flames. I have been up all night long. After going to the pediatrician yesterday and having him confirm there still are no teeth, my husband and I decided to try the ferber method because my son's night wakings are so excessive (Between 1 and 3 usually gets up between 5-6 times). Maybe I am just too sensitive, but it was a complete disaster and I caved in. He woke at 1:15, and we went in there after 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes (in which he seemed to be pausing and calming down a bit), and then at the end of the second round of 20 minutes I told my husband I would go in and pat him, and maybe give him his pacifier because it didn't seem to be working. I thoughtI had remembered reading on here that if it didn't seem to work after an hour give up and try another time.

I went in there. DS heard me come in, and as I went to pat him he grabbed my arm and clung on to it for dear life and had this look on his face like please don't leave me. I am crying right now writing this. So, I gave him his pacifier, he rolled over and went to bed until 4:45 (it was about 2:45 at this point), nursed, and is just stirring now on the monitor at 7. I honestly feel sick to my stomach after he grabbed onto my arm, I feel like I just abandoned my baby, and thus could not sleep all night even after he went to sleep. Is there a point with the crying that it just is not working or did I just screw everything up even more?

Does anyone have any advice or encouraging stories? Again, please no flames, I am still sitting here crying because I am so upset and now I know this is also going to cause a huge disagreement between DH and me.

Sweet_Lady · October 2008

this whole sleep thing just mystifies me. I have tried it once and DS cried for a full hour! I of course caved. Do not feel bad! This is hard to do and honestly i think some of these sleep methods don't work for all babies. I hope if you stick with it, that it gets easier for you! ;-) ::hugs::

Meggie1129 · October 2008

I should add that he has been waking at night now like this for about 2 1/2 months. After last night though I am pretty sure I cannot do Ferber.

LanaM · October 2008

Ahhh..... I am about to post about ds's sleep problems....

No real advise here, {{hugs}}...

With Ethan I had to leave him in the room by himself cold turkey. he was not a horrible sleeper (however, it seemed so at that time), but we were getting a nanny and I needed him to sleep a little better (for my own mental peace). I was afraid a stranger would not be able to rock him to sleep for hours and at that point nothing else was working... so I left him to figure out things on his own. I did not go back into his room. I tried once and it seemed to make things worse. So I did not come back again. he cried for maybe 30 minutes and then fell asleep... second time was 15 minutes and then 7 minutes I think.... he started going to sleep on his own after that. I was never able to do midnight waking cio with him, even during his 18 months old sleep regression when he was up for hours in the middle of the night. Once we tried and he cried and screamed for an hour and ended up throwing up... so did not work for us.

I don't know what to do with this one now... he wakes up 4-5 times at night and sometimes does not go back to sleep. Last night he was up from 2 to 4:30am. I sleep 4 hours at night broken into pieces, i can't do it anymore.... it's been going on for almost 6 months now. And he sleeps in our room with DS2 right next door, so I can't let him be loud.

LanaM · October 2008

P.S. RE: teeth...... have you tried giving him tylenol before bed to see if he sleeps better? Even if you can't see the teeth, they can bother them about a month or so before they actually cut through...

I am not suggesting medicating for no reason, but I would try once to see if it may actually help him sleep if he's possibly teething.

Mrs.Ivy · October 2008

Sounds like me last week. We made it to night 3 when things got worse(more, longer crying). DS got a cold so we didn't make it to night 4. I would say go with your gut. On night 2 my DS actually pushed me away when I caved and tried to pick him up and that seriously made me want to sleep on his floor just so he knew I was there. Do what is best for you and your baby. I think it your trying this because you think your DC should be sleeping through the night then wait. If you are doing this becuase you are exhausted and can't take it anymore then try to toughen up and give it a little time. Everyone says it is so hard but so worth it. GOOD LUCK!

percylover22 · October 2008

I hate to ask the obvious question, but have you read Ferber's book? If you haven't, I highly recommend picking up a copy and reading it. It really makes a lot of sense.

My son used to wake up 5 or 6 times per night, until we started Ferber when he was 6 months old. I have read the book, and I made sure that DH and I both knew how to carry out Ferber's plan. Ferber suggests that the first night you go in after 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 7 minutes, and every other time after that to go in after no longer than 7 minutes. The first night, I put DS down in his crib awake. DH and I only had to go in there twice, and DS fell asleep. He has been going to sleep on his own every night ever since then.

Listen, I know how hard it is, and a lot of people on this board have their own opinions about Ferber's method. But honestly, it worked for us and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. DS now sleeps most nights straight through, or only wakes up once to eat. That's it. I HIGHLY recommend reading the book before trying again, because you want to make sure that you understand how to carry out the plan before actually trying it. Good luck, and you can email me at lisasturdevant at cox dot net if you have any questions. Good luck!

Lisa

soveryexcited · October 2008

I'm not sure how old your DC is, but with DD, we tried Ferber at around 6 months and it failed miserably, sounding pretty much just like yours. We did it this month at almost 11 months and she took to it SO much better, the screaming was louder ,but she figured it out by the second night. I also echo Lisa, read the book. It made everything SO much clearer and I liked the book and his method way more than I thought I would.

Ngaged2bWed · October 2008

We tried Ferber last week and caved after night 2. ?She cried for 2.5 hours the 1st night, 2 hours at her 1st night waking, then 1.5 hours at her 2nd night waking. ?It was HORRIBLE!!!! ?She cried 1.5 hours on night 2, but cried longer at her night wakings than on night 1. ?After that we decided to stop. ?Plus she got a cold, which she's still trying to get over. ?

I totally understand where you're coming from. ?It's not easy hearing your DC cry for so long. ?I went into it knowing that she'd cry for a long time, but never figured it would reach 2.5 hours. ?I cried along w/ my DD, cried when I looked at her (b/c she looked so miserable), and cried when talking or thinking about it. ?Give it another try tonight just so you at least have something to compare night 1 to. ?

Good luck!!!?

Bearbride05 · October 2008

I would also recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. We tried Ferber, but my going into DS's room just seemed to make him more upset and I caved. We tried HSHHC and did extinction (cold turkey) and it worked in 3 nights. DS got the point that I wasn't coming back in and he went to sleep. He sounded horrible that first night and cried about 45 minutes. The second night was 20 minutes and only 5 minutes the third night. He was 7 months old at the time. Now we can put him down either completely asleep or awake/drowsy and he has no night wakings.

Good luck!

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