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lisakeiko
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So tired and so frustrated =(
lisakeiko
member
Everyone says that things will get easier but when? Although J is chunking up (he's got an impressive double chin now), it seems like his stomach is still the size of a pea. He rarely goes more than two hours between feeds, even at night. I'm getting so exhausted because getting sleep in 30-45 minute increments isn't enough to recharge.
And as far as napping during the day when he naps? Ha, one of his naps yesterday lasted a whopping 14 minutes. What usually happens is he'll feed for about 20-30 minutes, then he'll be in a milk coma for a few minutes, wake up and be alert and quiet for about ten minutes, then start to fuss and cry. I burp him, rock him, bounce him, swaddle him, cuddle him, walk him until he calms down. He kind of nods off but as soon as I try to set him down, he's awake and crying again. =( What am I doing wrong?
He also used to be much better about going right back to sleep after those night feeds. Now it sometimes takes another half hour to get him to go back to sleep.
I'm not expecting him to STTN at all but I just wish that he'd go a little longer between feeds because I really need the break. Even two straight hours of sleep at night would make me happy. =(
And as far as napping during the day when he naps? Ha, one of his naps yesterday lasted a whopping 14 minutes. What usually happens is he'll feed for about 20-30 minutes, then he'll be in a milk coma for a few minutes, wake up and be alert and quiet for about ten minutes, then start to fuss and cry. I burp him, rock him, bounce him, swaddle him, cuddle him, walk him until he calms down. He kind of nods off but as soon as I try to set him down, he's awake and crying again. =( What am I doing wrong?
He also used to be much better about going right back to sleep after those night feeds. Now it sometimes takes another half hour to get him to go back to sleep.
I'm not expecting him to STTN at all but I just wish that he'd go a little longer between feeds because I really need the break. Even two straight hours of sleep at night would make me happy. =(
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Re: So tired and so frustrated =(
Sorry you're so tired and frustrated.
I don't really have any good advice, I just wanted to tell you it will get better!
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I love Hawaii!
Tara & Ian . 4/24/2008 . The Kahala Planning . Married
I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, but it will get better!
For the daytime feeds would it be possible to try to let him eat and then pause and burp him before he starts to nod off? I don't mean try to force feed him or not allow him to feed on demand and control his portions but maybe he starts to suck for comfort, nods off and then realizes he is still hungry? Perhaps kind of a gentle nudge towards alertness during more of the feed might help him realize he needs a little more food to sustain himself for more than 20 mins?
Jack does that routine when he takes the bottle, eats a tiny amount nods off for about 20 mins. max and then wakes up and looks at MIL like "whoa lady I'm still hungry why did you take the bottle away" so she has about 5 minutes total to get the bottle back to him before he starts to have a meltdown.
DD was the same way when she was an infant. She wanted to eat every hour and refused to nap. One thing I did that worked for us was I let her nap on me. Like your son, she would often fall asleep while nursing. Before I would nurse her I would get comfy on the couch and grab a book or the remote. Then when she fell asleep while nursing I just stayed where I was. I would just watch tv or read while she slept. Often if she woke up she would nurse a little more and then go back to sleep. This was really the only way I could get her to nap when she was little. I actually didn't mind it too much, because it also allowed me to take a break. The housework didn't get done everyday and it wasn't an ideal situation, but I did what worked best for us. She napped like this until she was about six months and she was old enough to CIO in her crib.
I hope this helps and good luck!
i'm sorry
being sleep deprived is SO tough. i haven't been getting much sleep for just the last 4 nights and it takes me back to when A was first born and i am not sure how i functioned back then!!
are you swaddling? you probably are but if not definitely try that
is the temp too cold? seems obvious but sometimes in an attempt to keep them from overheating for fear of SIDS we make them too cold. if you're nervous about putting more blankets over him or layering him more, try it during nap time during the day so you can keep a close eye on him
i think the suggestion to wake him and make sure he isn't falling asleep before getting full is good too. our pedi said the key to getting a 3-4 hr stretch when they are little is making sure they get enough during the day...but it sounds like you are feeding every 2 hrs so i'd guess that either he's falling asleep before he is full or maybe he isn't nursing as efficiently as you think he is and therefore isn't getting enough during the day?? is he gaining enough overall? he should be gaining 0.5-1oz per day...if you have a kitchen scale you can put him in a box and weigh him on that (that's what we did LOL) or you can take him to the pedi for a quick weigh in, they don't usually mind.
also, at night, consider doing a dream feed before bed and see if that gives you one good 3-4 hour stretch from him. so if he falls asleep at 9pm, try doing a dream feed at 10pm instead of waiting for him to wake at 11pm and see if that gives you some longer sleep
that's all i can think of for now...i'm sorry he isn't sleeping well for you. i think every baby is different so it's hard to tell you when it will get better. hopefully one of the suggestions you get will help!
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I am sorry Lisa. Did this just start recently? If so, it may be related to a growth spurt. I know Libby did something similar around 6 weeks of age. Basically, J and I had to "tag team" her...I'd nurse and then he'd take her and do whatever he needed to do to keep her calm/cozy until she dozed off to sleep, meanhwhile, I'd powernap...trying to get 90-120 minutes of sleep in before she was ready to nurse again.
I also started nursing side-lying around this time (have you tried that yet?) and found that once she was latched on I could doze off while she nursed, often times she'd fall asleep too...it's sort of how I fell into bed-sharing...it was the only way I could get some sleep when she was that small.
Also, do you have a swing? There were days that the only way Libby would nap is swaddled and shushed and jiggled and then placed into her swing. If we placed her in her crib, she'd wake up immediately, but the swing kept her sleeping. GL and hang in there mama...this too shall pass!
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oh yes...there is definitely a growth spurt around 6 weeks!!
i was also going to suggest but forgot until reading Lori's reply....but what about having John give him a bottle at night during one of the middle of the night feedings with expressed breastmilk? that way you could at least get one longer stretch of sleep per night. at the very least you can do what Lori said, I know it seems silly to wake up DH when you're already up nursing but that would give you some extra time to sleep while he is trying to get little J back to bed.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I was going to suggest this - will he take a bottle? If he will, you should definitely try to get YH to take him for one of the feeds. I know my LO used to fall asleep when taking the bottle too, but I would usually try to keep him awake by rubbing his palms until he finished it. I used to call him my little narcoleptic baby! Hope it gets better soon.
Thanks so much for your ears and support everyone. I feel a little better now that I got that out and will try some of what some of you suggested to see if it helps. And today is also a slightly better day. He's actually napping in his bouncer right now!
We have him in the same room as us but I'm really hoping to avoid bed-sharing if I can. Our bed isn't big enough and I'd also worry about the baby rolling into one of us. John is kind of a big guy so when he's in bed, the mattress slightly dips down around him. But I do nap with the baby on my chest after his first morning feeding. Those naps usually last for about 30 minutes?
I haven't side-nursed too much, thinking that it'd be too tempting to just have the baby sleep with us. Maybe it's something I can do during the day when John is at work?
Lori, you mentioned a growth spurt. This probably started right around 4 weeks so my initial thought was a growth spurt as well. But it wouldn't last this long, would it? If so, I really really hope it'll be over soon!
I always feel bad asking John to do stuff, especially because he spends the day at work and then comes home to even more work but maybe it might be best to have him help out, at least for now until J starts to sleep for longer stretches? The last time we tried bottle feeding, it didn't go so well but I think it was because the milk was too cold? We were out and his bottle was in an insulated bag with some ice packs. When we gave up on the bottle and just had him nurse, I noticed that his mouth and lips were cold. I have a bottle ready in the fridge so I think we'll give it another try tonight.
Again, thanks so much everyone. I love my little boy but argh, when he's so tiny and can't communicate his needs, it's so difficult to anticipate what he's crying for. That makes me feel like I've failed him in some way and it's just so discouraging and frustrating sometimes.
heck yes! Being a SAHM mom day in and day out for the first 3 months was MUCH harder emotionally and physically than my full work day and we never had too many sleep, nap, feeding issues. By the time DH got home I needed a break. Often my "break" was cooking dinner, but DH would take Jack downstairs where I couldn't hear or see him and they needed to figure it out. (At first DH would try to just bring him back up if he got fussy and I had to say it doesn't work like that - you are his dad (I knew he wasn't hungry) so figure it out). Eventually my break turned into an hour at the gym. Don't feel bad for asking for help when you need it!
Co-sleeping was a godsend for us. That's the ONLY way I got any sleep at all.. it wasn't the plan but it worked so that's what we did. I SO feel your pain. B JUST started STTN at 9 months so there is hope
just sorry it's so far away!
Amen to this! I totally agree! We did have sleep issues but no nursing issues thankfully. The problem was she wanted the boob and she wanted it RIGHT NOW... which lead to bottle issues and her not taking a paci (which I didn't want her to have until I became her 24/7 paci!)
Oh hon, I'm so so sorry. (((hugs))) I've been there - I know how exhausted and frustrated you feel! Sleep deprivation is torture for a reason!
I thought I'd found the magic sleeping switch for our boys (mp3s of rain) until last night when they decided it would be more fun to tandem scream for over an hour at 3am. Mmmmhmm. And Will has invented a new game where he insists on having his paci before he can go to sleep, but then spits it out every 10 seconds and screams bloody murder until you put it back in. This is OK for 2 minutes, tolerable for 10 mins, and will make you psychotic when it goes on for 45 mins. I actually called my own child an @sshole last night after giving him back his paci for about the 687th time. I wish I was kidding. Luckily he won't remember this when he's older, right?
You're not doing ANYTHING wrong. J might be going through a growth spurt, or - and I'm sure childhood experts would disagree with me here, but whatevs - I personally think that they just have periods (sometimes days long) of being cantankerous for no good reason. Not hungry/wet/dirty/tired/hot/cold/wanting to be held/whatever, just in a b!tchy mood lol. I've also noticed that the older my boys get, the harder they can be to settle. I thought it would be the opposite, but I think that because they're starting to be a lot more alert and interactive with the world, sleeping just doesn't hold the same allure that it used to - they'd rather socialize or check things out, especially if they've woken up after a quick catnap (not long enough to really rest, just to get a second wind).
I agree with the others about asking John to do a feeding. We have the same issue with Ben going to work, but we've finally worked out a routine that we can handle - we're both still tired (especially me), but we get enough rest to operate. We do the late night (10/11pm) feeding together, and then I do the very early morning feeds (1am and/or 3am, assuming they don't sleep through) by myself. Then they have another sometime between 6-8am, and Ben takes that one. That way he doesn't have to get up too early - he usually still gets a good 7 hours of sleep, since I also attend to all the crying during the night - but I get to sleep in until he leaves for work at 8.45am. That way I can usually get at least 4 solid hours of sleep, and it's amazing how much better you will feel on just those 4 hours! And luckily for me, Ben has a great attitude about it - he doesn't see it as extra "work" in addition to his regular work, he sees it as family. Probably just semantics, but it helps!
Oh, and warming the bottle will almost definitely help J take it! I pre-mix formula in bottles in the morning so I don't have to do it all day, and on a couple occasions (like when I've left the house) I've had to give the boys the non-warmed refrigerated milk - they'll choke it down but they hate it, and they're excellent bottle drinkers! We don't have a bottle warmer so we just put the bottles in a container of hot water for a minute or two and that does the trick.
Awww, hang in there. It DOES get better!
In our case, I had my mom for the whole 1st month and DH home for the 2nd whole month so they would take Alexa after I fed her and let me nap. Do you have family who can come help out? That was a godsend for me.
Other things that are helpful include
1) Miracle Blanket;
2) Don't let him nod off when nursing, keep him up (blow on him, gently shake him, etc.) so that he gets in a good FULL MEAL. No snacking!
3) Nursing lying down is awesome.
HTH and seriously it DOES get better!
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
Heh, I have to blow on Will, gently shake him, strip him down to his diaper, wipe down his arms and legs with a wet wipe...he is the sleepiest eater EVER. But it definitely does help to make sure he's full!
This worked for us ONCE.
White noise doesn't seem to work with J. We try shushing, rain sounds, vacuum cleaner, hair dryer....and nothing. I'm hoping that maybe it'll change as he gets older...
My parents live out in Waipahu so I go over with the baby while John is at work. My mom loves holding J and walking around with him so it's definitely nice to have that extra help. J was fussing so much over the weekend that John actually suggested I go over to my parents' house with the baby. Yes, we were banished.
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Brooke used to fall asleep too, and I would wake her up-- even if it involved making Vance do "baby sit-ups" (the nurse at the hospital taught us this) or blowing, touching her nose, etc, and then I would continue feeding her until she was totally done nursing.
It IS hard in the beginning, but it WILL get better. I also agree with pp about allowing John to give your little one a bottle so you can at least get 3-4 hours of sleep. I wish I had done this-- I was so set in my ways that I needed to feed her and whatnot and ended up grouchy and cranky instead.
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Try the White Noise Lite app on the iPhone. The actual white noise (like the tv snow) worked wonders for us. You just gotta make sure it's loud enough.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Seriously.
LMAO it's funny in retrospect but I felt SO bad the minute the words left my mouth - I'm really glad he can't understand what I'm saying to him yet! But if he spat that thing out (just for fun!) one more time, I was going to go batshit crazy...
I will lmao if his first word is a-hole...
lol we were all in the car the other day and someone cut us off and Ben swore a blue streak...I was like hmm, maybe we should start watching our language.
I don't have Libby in the middle of the bed, between J and I. She sleeps on the outside between me and her ARCS (which is essentially acting as a bed rail). Neither J nor I would be comfortable with her in the middle of us...he likes his pillows and blankets too much and I'd worry that they might end up on top of Libby. She sleeps with her own blanket (woven cotton...I hate the zippers on the sleep sacks they bend up towards her face too much) and I wear warm clothing so I don't need covers (before I was PG I always threw them off me anyway, so this is not a big deal for me).
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Glad I am not the only one. We've started a "penny in the jar" for cuss words...we should have a nice stash for a vacation fund soon...LOL! One of my niece's first words was "bastard!" since she always heard my brother yell that when he was driving...
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I feel your pain because I'm on a 2-hr feeding schedule right now too. And our LO consistently fusses after night feedings too. MH and I agree that he just doesn't want to sleep between 2-5am because it's impossible to get him back to sleep during those times. We'd feed him, burp him, change him, swaddle, use white noise, and feed again and he's still fussing.
The girls here all have great suggestions though. I'm going to try some of them myself! Hope J will get easier soon for you!