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DH/DD Issue...can someone offer some advice on this?

Jimsgirl5821Jimsgirl5821
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months
DD will NOT let DH hold her and he is getting really frustrated and seems really hurt. I feel so bad.  She only wants me all.the.time. She loves to play with him if she is on the floor, on my lap, etc. She goes "dada" when she is in high chair and holds out puffs and likes to feed him. When he comes in the room she gets a big smile. For some reason if he tries to hold her she screams bloody murder and sobs.  She was getting better for awhile...would go with him for 5 min, then 10...then we got up to 30 min...now we are back to square one. Should he just keep picking her up and try to carry her around and distract her with mirrors and stuff and eventually she will see its nothing scary and go with him? I know some would suggest have him get her in the morning and do her bottle, get her dressed, etc. but he works 3rd shift. He isnt home at night so he never helped with night wakings so she couldnt get used to him there. She is up at 6 am and he isnt home til 7:30am so he cant do her bath, morning routine...any suggestions? He wants to keep her home from daycare on his days off and do things with her...but he's afraid she would just scream all day and I would be at work and what if she didnt stop?
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Re: DH/DD Issue...can someone offer some advice on this?

  • josswhedonjosswhedon member
    I think keeping her home on his off days is a great idea! My DH has Monday's off and keeps DD all day, they have a blast!
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  • BellieRueBellieRue member

    We aren't totally in the same boat with the crying and such, but A is only trying to get through DH to get to me right now. Does he ever spend time with her without you there, or just with you out of sight? I would think it would be fine to spend the day with her just accepting that the first part would be full of tears.

    I had to tell DH that he just had to give me this first year because once they start playing and riding bikes and doing stuff like that, I'm going to be old news.

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  • jenn_darrin1515jenn_darrin1515 member
    ummm...DH has never been home alone with DD???? I am sure she wouldn't cry the whole time...I would think its time to give it a try!  GL!
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  • Jimsgirl5821Jimsgirl5821

    imagejosswhedon:
    I think keeping her home on his off days is a great idea! My DH has Monday's off and keeps DD all day, they have a blast!

    I know! He wants to take her to the beach, etc. I am just worried (and so is DH) she will scream all day when I leave since she never wants him to hold her. Should we just do it and she will get over it? I dont know if we are making it worse since we dont want to upset her so he gives her back as soon as she starts

     

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  • FlaCourtneyFlaCourtney

    I think she screams so much because she knows you're there and will eventually come get her. Keeping her home from day care on his days off could work out great! She obviously likes being around him-- she just prefers you to hold her for some reason.

    My son is pretty good with both of us but he will freak out if he sees me leave the room. He's perfectly content to hang with daddy but if I come in and out, he cries and cries. If I'm going out, I have to wait til he's distracted and then slip out, and then he's perfectly content. Hope it's the same for you!

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  • MrsBattyMrsBatty
    Maybe she can sense that he's uneasy?  DD is super tuned in to how people are feeling and she won't go to anyone who's nervous.
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  • josswhedonjosswhedon member
    What does she do when you aren't there and he's alone with her? I would think her reaction has something to do with seeing you.
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  • Jimsgirl5821Jimsgirl5821

    imagejosswhedon:
    What does she do when you aren't there and he's alone with her? I would think her reaction has something to do with seeing you.

    I think she cries at first and then forgets about it. If I come in the room again she screams and holds out her arms for me. If she sees me leave, she screams....

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  • chels0120chels0120 member
    I would still try the option of having him take her on his days off even if she does cry the first few times. She will get used to him and it will be ok!!
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  • justme04justme04 member

    I am a SAHM until next fall when I go back to school.  My husband is a grad student and works (they pay for him to go to school too so we are doing pretty good but thats a different topic).  But as much time as he spends with me you'd really think he'd prefer me but I'm so glad because its completly the opposite.  When my hubby gets home our son just instantly goes for him and wants to hang out with daddy at night when he is home.

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  • Jimsgirl5821Jimsgirl5821

    imagejenn_darrin1515:
    ummm...DH has never been home alone with DD???? I am sure she wouldn't cry the whole time...I would think its time to give it a try!  GL!

    Actually, no, not really. He works 3rd shift  and sleeps during the day. He also works alot of overtime. So even on weekends when she is home from daycare, he is asleep til 3 and I am watching her while he's asleep. We then do something when he gets up (shopping, go for ice cream, etc) all together and she is in bed by 7pm. He was never home at night to do the night bottles. Except a couple bridal showers  or picking her up from daycare if she was sick he never had alone time. If I go out with my friends, it is after she is asleep anyway, so he is home with her, but she rarely wakes.

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  • jenn_darrin1515jenn_darrin1515 member
    imageJimsgirl5821:

    imagejenn_darrin1515:
    ummm...DH has never been home alone with DD???? I am sure she wouldn't cry the whole time...I would think its time to give it a try!  GL!

    Actually, no, not really. He works 3rd shift  and sleeps during the day. He also works alot of overtime. So even on weekends when she is home from daycare, he is asleep til 3 and I am watching her while he's asleep. We then do something when he gets up (shopping, go for ice cream, etc) all together and she is in bed by 7pm. He was never home at night to do the night bottles. Except a couple bridal showers  or picking her up from daycare if she was sick he never had alone time. If I go out with my friends, it is after she is asleep anyway, so he is home with her, but she rarely wakes.

    oh I c.  well there is a first time for everything...I am sure they will have a blast together on his days off...there may be a few tears but I am sure your DD will be fine with DH in no time...

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  • Jimsgirl5821Jimsgirl5821
    imagejenn_darrin1515:
    imageJimsgirl5821:

    imagejenn_darrin1515:
    ummm...DH has never been home alone with DD???? I am sure she wouldn't cry the whole time...I would think its time to give it a try!  GL!

    Actually, no, not really. He works 3rd shift  and sleeps during the day. He also works alot of overtime. So even on weekends when she is home from daycare, he is asleep til 3 and I am watching her while he's asleep. We then do something when he gets up (shopping, go for ice cream, etc) all together and she is in bed by 7pm. He was never home at night to do the night bottles. Except a couple bridal showers  or picking her up from daycare if she was sick he never had alone time. If I go out with my friends, it is after she is asleep anyway, so he is home with her, but she rarely wakes.

    oh I c.  well there is a first time for everything...I am sure they will have a blast together on his days off...there may be a few tears but I am sure your DD will be fine with DH in no time...

    Thanks..I hope so. I hate to see them miss out on spending alone time together :(

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  • eaa18eaa18 member
    Could he work his way up to a full day home with her? Maybe start with a couple hours then drop her off at daycare then his next day off if everything goes well try for a half a day and so on... Im sure it is just a phase. DS is pretty set on only me holding him if Im around, but he is ok if Im out of the house. My cousin was scared to death of her father (he is a very nice man, not angry/ violent at all) until she was about 3, then she was fine with him. Hopeful your DD wont take 3 years to warm up, my cousin was a VERY sensetive child.
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  • melheartsmelhearts
    We went/still are going throught the SAME exact thing word by word!!!  We may get 5 mins of DD being ok with DH then it's over!! She just cries for no reason!!  It has been like this since she was born!!  I thought it was because she has a deeper/rought voice that maybe frightened her a bit.  DH was off for the winter and he made the choice to have DD stay home with him.  Well she did cry, cried alot throughout the day!! It was rough for both of them!!  It has gotten a little bit better when they are home together.  It is kinda like CIO! You just have to leave and let them cry eventually they will learn that there is nothing to be afraid of!! Now when I get home from work well I can't leave her sight for a minute even when DH is around!! But like your LO she gets so excited to see him, smiles, goes over to him and says DADA but she makes sure she keeps a side eye on me to make sure I don't go anywhere!!!  So in a way I have some advice just to leave her home with him but in a way I have none because DD does the same thing sorry!!
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  • Jimsgirl5821Jimsgirl5821

    imagemelhearts:
    We went/still are going throught the SAME exact thing word by word!!!  We may get 5 mins of DD being ok with DH then it's over!! She just cries for no reason!!  It has been like this since she was born!!  I thought it was because she has a deeper/rought voice that maybe frightened her a bit.  DH was off for the winter and he made the choice to have DD stay home with him.  Well she did cry, cried alot throughout the day!! It was rough for both of them!!  It has gotten a little bit better when they are home together.  It is kinda like CIO! You just have to leave and let them cry eventually they will learn that there is nothing to be afraid of!! Now when I get home from work well I can't leave her sight for a minute even when DH is around!! But like your LO she gets so excited to see him, smiles, goes over to him and says DADA but she makes sure she keeps a side eye on me to make sure I don't go anywhere!!!  So in a way I have some advice just to leave her home with him but in a way I have none because DD does the same thing sorry!!

    I am sorry you guys are going through this too, but I am glad its not just us. Good Luck

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  • Lesley0228Lesley0228 member
    DD is basically the same way. If I'm home, she won't go to DH and cries when I leave the room and re-enter the room. She's been like this for about the past month since her separation anxiety has gotten bad. DH watches her alone for a couple hours sunday morning when I do some volunteering and on monday evenings when I work late. During these times, DH has no problems with her and they have a lot of fun together. Of course, as soon as I ger home and she sees me she is screaming and trying to get to me, but DH assures me she is fine until then. These times that I am gone are DHs favorite because its the only time he really gets to enjoy with her anymore. So my experience, I say go for it! Have him keep her home one day and see how she does. She may be just fine with momma out of the way. You could always try something shorter first, like leave her with him for a couple hours of a Saturday and see how it goes. That way you could get home if things got bad. Good luck!
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