TLC show - having quads "with" dead husband.

DavezWife · May 2010

I'm not paying too close of attention to the story, but her husband died 4 yrs ago and she just had quads "by him". (IUI or IVF, dunno.)

Discuss.

;-)

TakYelgif · May 2010

i am at work so I can't really comment on the show itself, but when DH and I were going through IVF we updated our will to state that I had legal right to the semen any embies we had frozen if something were to happen to DH.

SkypekWithoutAC · May 2010

I saw a Law and Order once where a man had embies w/his ex-wife and the new wife was trying to get custody of them. I could see having a baby using embies/semen from your dead hubby, but that new wife wanted to use ex-wife/dead hubby's embies. That's weird to me.

hclavalley · May 2010

What you missed was he was in a fatal car accident 4 years before.... after they announced he was dead, she requested a semen retrieval since they had been trying. Then didn't start trying for another year after. Then she had a ton of negative cycles, and suddenly was pregnant with 4!!!

I don't know what I would do in the same situation, but its nice that even his parents are so supportive, and are still part of her life and the babies lives.

Christakim · May 2010

It's not on here right now.....:(

firsttogo · May 2010

Different thoughts come to mind. First, I am not her, so it is hard to know what I would do. Part of me thinks that unless time/age were a factor, I would probably never intentionally make myself a single mom, much less to HOMs. If DH passed, we had stuff left, and I was getting "older" I may consider ART on my own....

I don't know. Interesting concept.

epphd · May 2010

I have totally thought about wanting to have a backup stash of DH's "genetic contribution" before Sam was born. I had a friend whose husband died on 9/11 and they did not have kids but had been trying. All I could think was that it was like there was no record of their marriage - no real tie keeping her linked to her in laws or his former life. I know that oversimplifies it, but at the time all I could think was "I need to have a link to DH in case something happens." I get that.

schmoodle · May 2010

epphd:

I have totally thought about wanting to have a backup stash of DH's "genetic contribution" before Sam was born. I had a friend whose husband died on 9/11 and they did not have kids but had been trying. All I could think was that it was like there was no record of their marriage - no real tie keeping her linked to her in laws or his former life. I know that oversimplifies it, but at the time all I could think was "I need to have a link to DH in case something happens." I get that.

Ditto - before we had Toodle especially, I always worried about what if anything happened to DH and was very vigilant about making sure we had frozen samples of his at the RE.

JillRock96 · May 2010

Wow. I honestly can't say what I would do in that situation.

If we had been trying but had not been successful, I don't *think* I would choose to continue trying without him (unless we had embies on ice or something like that). Though, of course, I couldn't say for sure.

But, being where we are now, with five embies on ice, I would be very hesitant to let them go -- to me, I think they would be a very strong link to my DH. I could see myself attempting an FET down the road.

t.bird · May 2010

i think it's going to be a lot of hard work, but i can see why she did it.

i thought about the same thing before we had alex- and if my husband died before we used our 5 frozen embryos- i'd still do an FET with them.

efooey · May 2010

I have thought about this too, but if something happened to dh before we had dd I wouldn't want to be a single mom without him, since I'm young I would have had a good chance of meeting someone else and having a family.

However... I would consider doing iui to give dd a sibling knowing that it's what we wanted for her.

I'm so lucky I'll never have to make those choices now.

E

DavezWife · May 2010

I am getting hung up on the "4 year" part - to ME, it just seems like a long time to be pursuing something like that. But yeah, hard choice(s) to make when you're not the one in it.

I also wonder about the kids's "rights" to have their father, (yet tons of kids grow up in single parent/same sex homes for whatever reason) and if one was young enough... what about waiting for a second chance at love again.. and have kids with that fella?

interesting topic indeed.

emmyloustu · May 2010

schmoodle:
epphd:

I have totally thought about wanting to have a backup stash of DH's "genetic contribution" before Sam was born. I had a friend whose husband died on 9/11 and they did not have kids but had been trying. All I could think was that it was like there was no record of their marriage - no real tie keeping her linked to her in laws or his former life. I know that oversimplifies it, but at the time all I could think was "I need to have a link to DH in case something happens." I get that.

Ditto - before we had Toodle especially, I always worried about what if anything happened to DH and was very vigilant about making sure we had frozen samples of his at the RE.

Yes & Yes! Dh thinks it's morbid, but he understands why.

WhiteysWifey · May 2010

As someone whose children are not biological to DH...I don't blame the woman. I think I would do the same thing, if we had the option. Would it be hard? Heck yea. But there would be a part of him that was still with me. This is one of the things that I'm unsure about with using donor sperm. If he dies before me, he's gone. There is nothing physical left of him in this world...yea our children will have mannerisms and be his, but physically there's nothing left. To me, now, that's a devastating thought. (PS I am in noway minimizing DH's role in the life of our children or their importance to me).

SupermansWife10 · September 2013

I am going through this right now...Lost my 30 year old husband 3 months ago we were already going to do IVF so his sperm were already frozen and we talked about it right before he died he said he wanted me to go ahead with it so that's what I'm doing

Hopefully it doesn't take me as long as it took her

IBackBevo · September 2013

I'm like @bellalou32. There was a baby story on that a few years ago. I think she had had multiple failed IVFs (if I remember correctly) and then decided to put several back in because this was the last shot...if I remember correctly. I think she also had a lot of support in the form of extended family. I bawled through the Baby Story version.

MoFree · September 2013

I saw this show when it was aired previously. I cannot imagine raising quads as a single parent. When my DH was critically injured in an automobile accident 3 1/2 years ago, it crossed my mind of retrieving sperm. Thank goodness he made a full recovery and the issue never came up.