All natural but NOT wanting a doula?

HRMJPC · May 2010

I just think that it would bother DH and myself to have someone else in the room. And, I can't rationalize the expense after putting DH through 12 weeks of bradley classes. He's the kind of husband I can trust to be very supportive- he always is.

Anyone else and for what reasons?

wnk1029 · May 2010

I think that a doula is great if you know you're going to be at a hospital that you may not have a natural-birth-friendly staff. In that case, you're likely going to want an advocate to speak up for you. If your OB/midwife is supportive, however, and know and respect your wishes, then it's probably less important to have a doula.

I had a homebirth with a CPM, so for me a doula was absolutely unnecessary.

mzovoce · May 2010

OP I agree with you. I think doulas are fantastic and are a fantastic support if you don't have that in another capacity. Originally I thought we would need one, but Dh stepped up and I feel good about our decision to stick with the midwife, nurse, DH and me.

Fun2Dream · May 2010

DH was totally on board with Bradley. He was awesome at it, knew the ins and outs, and knew what we wanted when it came to interventions. He also is human and needed to go to the bathroom and get lunch. It was great having a doula there to help when he was busy, to explain things that we didn't quite understand the nurse was saying, and at one point I needed both DH and the doula to massage different parts.

Prior to hiring the doula, we discussed what her role would be and how it relates to DH. We expressed that we wanted DH to be the primary support person and our doula to support him/me as necessary, and that's exactly what happened.

All that said, I think you can absolutely do it without a doula. I also think it wouldn't hurt to talk to a few and see how you feel about them. Knowledge is power, and you never know until you try, etc, etc.

2.red.heads · May 2010

of course you never know what you'll be like in the heat of the moment, but when i decide i'm going to do something i'm pretty stubborn and headstrong about it. my DH is supportive enough (and was - now that i have been through it).

my main reasons i guess for not getting a doula (besides thinking i could do it on my own): i'm cheap (didn't want to pay any more $), i was confident in my midwife's support (and it turns out the staff was VERY supportive), i just didn't think i wanted a stranger by my side for hours (i don't really care for my mom or any other woman there either). i like my space when i'm uncomfortable.

there are my random thoughts....

momofolivia · May 2010

i did not get a doula for DD1 and in hindsight, I wish I would have. Our (very short) birth class at the BC was fairly worthless. I did a lot of research on my own.

I just wasn't prepared. I know my experience was alerted becuase I was induced, but I tihkn the doula will be beneficial to me this year.

rlscheck · May 2010

I just don't want anyone else there except for DH and I. My DH is great though and really listens to what I want and isn't someone who will get offended easily if I get a little "cranky" during the process. He's also in the medical field and I fully trust him if he tells me that we might need to do any drugs / interventions.

barnwife · May 2010

No doula here. However, we are planning a homebirth with a CNM. So a doula seems a little redundant to me.

If I were birthing in a hospital with a doctor, I would consider a doula.

PDXGal7868 · May 2010

We didn't have a doula and it was fine. If you think your DH can provide the support that you'll need, I think you can do it. But, it wouldn't hurt to have a back up person who can help DH if he needs anything. My mom would occassionally step in to give DH a break and made sure he got something to eat when we were 12+ hours in. I think the kind of nurse you have also makes a big difference. Mine was very supportive of me doing a natural birth and gave great suggestions and support.

jtdn0607 · May 2010

From what I've read, one of the only reasons for having a doula is that women who are surrounded and supported by other woman tend to have easier births. I'm way too broke to afford a doula or anything like that, but I'm seriously considering just having my best girlfriend be there in the room, at least until the really messy part. I also read that laughing during labor is good for you, and I know that my b/f with take the seriousness out of the situation and help me relax, which is again partially what a doula would be for. All in all, there are woman in other countries who just go out in the woods by themselves and give birth on their own, so there's no reason you and your DH shouldn't be just fine.

Blackvelvet · May 2010

I was to cheap to hire a doula (that and we were both unemployeed so we reallly coudn't afford it) The nurse assigned to me wouldn't help with a natural birth but they gave me another nurse and she was great and very supportive the hospital only had a natural birth about once a month so they were not all ok with it

ScottiesLilHottie · May 2010

We're paying a little over $1000 out of pocket for our homebirth, so we really can't afford to pay a doula as well. My pastor's wife will be coming to the birth to keep my daughter occupied if need be and can give my husband a bit of a break if he needs it as well. She's been to one homebirth before, so I think she's a good one to have along

shainababygirl · May 2010

I didn't have a doula... but it also wasn't just me and DH there either. I had a support squad (6 people, not counting the hospital staff), and I don't think I could have done it without them!

My DH was my main supporter. He did all the doula type things (breathing with me, rubbing my back, etc). My Mom was my medical advocate (she was a nurse before I was born). Everyone else was there for kicks and giggles.

bridellie · May 2010

wnk1029:
I think that a doula is great if you know you're going to be at a hospital that you may not have a natural-birth-friendly staff. In that case, you're likely going to want an advocate to speak up for you. If your OB/midwife is supportive, however, and know and respect your wishes, then it's probably less important to have a doula.
I had a homebirth with a CPM, so for me a doula was absolutely unnecessary.

This. After studying Bradley Method and having a pro-natural MW,

my husband = my doula

MrsTiara · May 2010

I really wanted one last time, but never got around to it (the 50-60 hr work weeks might have had something to do with it). I didn't end up needing one since my labor was 4 hrs and therefore don't plan on getting one this time, either. I will, however have a friend come in case we need someone to look after DS (my mother just will not do).

BTW, if you really want a doula but can't afford one, doulas-in-training are cheap to free if you're willing to go with one less experienced. This is what we were going to do since we had to pay out of pocket for the midwife.

indomesticbliss · May 2010

We originally had not wanted one since we were close to family (geographically) for support and were at a very natural friendly practice and hospital. However, we moved across the country when I was 20 weeks along and now have zero family or close friends in a 1500 mile radius, so we knew we needed some L&D support. We are with a midwife practice, but our doula is a great secondary support person to DH, and is also there to let him have a little down time when he needs it-ie: to go get a bite, to take a moment's breather, etc...

I agree with finding a doula in training if you are looking at not hiring one due to financial reasons, but still want one. We met with a few doulas who were in that situation and needed the experience, I think their only fees were gas. We opted for the doula we have because of her views on her role as a support person and we felt very comfortable with her.

Mrs.Greeko · May 2010

I've had two natural births. I didn't have or want a doula for either one. And we didn't take any classes other than the basic childbirth class at the hospital for my first. I didn't want or need DH doing anything in particular. I just needed him there. I didn't want anyone touching me or talking to me while i was contracting. Between contrax DH and I would talk, but not about labor and stuff, just random other things.

I think it can absolutely be done without a doula or special classes. You just have to make sure you are committed to it and your doctor and nurses know you are committed to it.

yogisunam · May 2010

Ideally, I'd like a doula, but I just can't pony up the cash. My hospital seems pretty open and supportive of childbirthing, and I am taking regular prenatal yoga classes with a doula and am picking her brain as I go along. DH and I will be taking a natural childbirth class as well, and I am hoping that he'll get even more on board.

However, I see myself really turning inward for the experience and letting the sensations of my body be my guide as to how to breathe, what sounds to make, what positions to get in. Maybe I am naive...

megstriesagain · May 2010

I don't want a doula. I'm planning a home birth now, but even if we were in the hospital, I wouldn't want one. It just feels like one extra person in the room - I'm the type of person that 1) likes privacy and 2) likes to fight my own fights, so if I were having an issue with my OB or the nurses during labor, I'd rather argue it myself than have to worry that the doula wasn't arguing 'right' or something. Can you tell I'm a control freak? Big Smile

Temp174496125006552 · May 2010

Even though I gave birth to Ben in a hospital, their policies were pretty in-line with the kind of birth that I wanted. Also, I had an amazing midwife who was 100% supportive of everything. Because of these two things, I felt that a doula would be a waste of money.

Plus, DH and I took HypnoBirthing classes together and he knew what kind of birth I wanted and would speak up if he felt that he needed to (as would I, assuming I wasn't in the middle of a contraction - lol).

mr&mrswelch · May 2010

I am not having one, mainly because I don't want one. I don't think I would feel a strong connection to her which is what I think I would need in order for her to be helpful. I also know several people who had drug-free births without doulas, and people who ended up getting drugs who did have doulas. And to be honest if I had a doula and still ended up having to have drugs, a c-section, etc I would be annoyed.

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