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Flame worthy confession (long)
DH and I just got into an argument over traveling next year. We are currently TTC and his cousin is getting married in May of next year. His mom is also graduating college (PhD in Nursing) two and a half weeks after the wedding.
We can afford to go on one vacation a year. Last year, we went to Massachusetts (where we are from, we now live in FL 1400 miles away) three times for three of his friends weddings. We had been planning a vacation for this June of 2010 (next month - all inclusive resort in Jamaica) that we cancelled because we are going to need to go to Massachusetts twice in a month next year, and we went 3 times last year for 3 of his friends weddings so our vacation budget is shot.
So we basically have not got to go on a real vacation (other than our honeymoon)... ever. It's always been back to MA for a wedding instead of our vacation.
I run a dog boarding business and have to shut down while I am gone on these trips, and that is a REALLY busy boarding time and I lose a lot of money and clients when I am not available.
Is it completely selfish of me to not want to go up to MA next year and actually go on a real vacation with my husband this year? We are TTC and if we get KU any time soon we will either have a very young baby or be very pregnant, so I want to actually take a vacation now, rather than have to travel with a baby or while I'm close to DD.
Flame on.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Flame worthy confession (long)
I spent a lot of my "friends weddings" years far away from home (in MA actually, while everyone was 1300 miles away) so I totally understand how taking trips back home for weddings really eats into your vacation budget and time.
I don't think there's a blanket answer of what you should do. I don't know how close DH is with this cousin or what family dynamics are there. Without knowing anything else, I think you should definitely be at MIL's graduation (unless she's insistent that you don't need to be) because that's a really big deal.
If you just went back for MIL's graduation and not the wedding would you still be able to take a vacation next year? Otherwise you could combine wedding/graduation/vacation into one time...there are so many great vacations you can take from the East Coast (or from Florida for that matter!)
A possibility was born the day you were born and will live as long as you live.
No flames from me. I feel the same way in my relationship. Plus, we didn't even go on a honeymoon because all of MH's vacation time was used up from the wedding/his bachelor party and visiting our families (both of which are high-maintenance) for the holidays.
All of our "vacation budget" this year is used up already, as we've purchased plane tickets for MH to attend a bachelor party across the country, and plane tickets for us to attend his friends' weddings.
If we were in your situation I would let him pick his mother or his cousin. I have told MH that with his limited vacation time at work, next year he has to prioritize between his friends, me, and his parents. When he tries to visit everybody, I always end up at the bottom of the list.
We have been married for 6 years and have only went on our honeymoon as a true vacation. ?His family lives far away too, so we travel to them 2-4 times a year. ?No one comes to see us
?Its too expensive to buy 3 (4 in a few months) plane tickets for there and anywhere else we would actually like to visit.
I should add that DH and I do get to go one place a year alone for his work conference. ?My parents watch the LOs and I tag along. ?Its a wonderful time, but we don't get to choose the locale obviously, and usually its not tropical like I would pick. ?We can swing this because DHs work pays for his trip, and we just have to pay for me.?
No flames here. IMO that is a bit selfish of YH! I wouldn't go, but I'm a biitch like that! I would just tell MH to go alone!
The years are long as it is and to spend your vacation at someones wedding is not my definition of relaxationa nd fun! I would be beyond pissed off at MH! Not to mention how much I would lose on my business that alone would have me livid!
I don't think it's too selfish, but I think you should still go to the events in MA. Is there any way you can take a mini vacation in your area? Play tourist close to home so that it's not so damaging to your business?
Even spending a couple nights in a hotel in your area could be the break you need.
Good luck!
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I agree with you. DH and I have never been on a trip together, even a honeymoon. I don't think you're being selfish. Also, can you even fly in the 3rd trimester? I thought that was a no-no
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Not flame worthy at all but I think it would be selfish to ask him to choose between the two like a PP mentioned. If you don't want to close down your business in a busy season, just send him to MA on his own for both occasions. Then you would save your travel expenses and could use it for a smaller vacation together this year.
That's 100% what I would do.
Good luck!
Thanks ladies. I appreciate the support. I am definitely going to tell him that he is welcome to go to both but I cannot go to either. We can't afford for his trips up there and a 'real' vacation this year because he is flying up in a few weeks to help a friend move down to FL.
I do like the idea of a staycation though... maybe Miami or Ft. Lauderdale... somewhere within driving distance.
Any suggestions for somewhere in Florida to go for a weekend?
Can YH just go to MA without you? This way you could stay home and work and be able to take a real vacation with him. I live in TX and my family is on the east coast and they understand when either I or my husband has to work.
Also, my cousin came to my wedding, but her husband did not. It was fine. I think his family would understand, especially since you went to MA so many times last year.
It's on the other side, but still not that far...
SANIBEL! Sanibel, Sanibel 1000x Sanibel. It's beautiful, amazing, wonderful restaurants, great resorts, nature reserves where you can kayak or take sunset cruises. We go every winter since I had PPD with DS to get away and get some Vitamin D. It's now our happy place.
A possibility was born the day you were born and will live as long as you live.