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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Feeling conflicted and frusterated- Vent
My OB has referred us to an RE because this was our 3rd m/c. I am a little hesitant to go because we had no problem conceiving DD, I had an easy textbook pregnancy and delivery and she is healthy. I just don't understand how something could change that would cause the m/c's. My OB suggested Baby Aspirin because it may be a clotting problem...
I try to talk to DH about it and about what we should do because going to the RE is not 100% covered by insurance...But he totally shuts down and says that he does not want to tell me what to do because it is my body. I am looking for some input on what he wants to do because I think this should be a decision we decide on together, but he keeps telling me whatever I decide he will support 100%. He tells me not to worry about the costs of going to an RE, but it is on my mind. I am just so conflicted and I don't know what to do. (Go to the RE or try the Baby Aspirin...)
Part of me thinks he does not want to be the one to decide or give his input because if we decide to try again on our own, he does not want to be "responsible" for me going through another m/c both physically and emotionally- Even though I would never hold him responsible.
I don't really know what I am asking here, I guess it's just more of a vent than anything. I really appreciate the support from all of you and lending an ear for my venting... Just getting it off my chest as lifted a weight off of it.
Vent over- thanks for listening.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling conflicted and frusterated- Vent
It's definitely a tough decision but if it were me, after 3 losses I would want more answers and testing so I would give the RE a try. I think if I didn't go to the RE and I had another loss I would always wonder if going would have made a difference (but then again I torture myself about everything). You have to decide how much you are willing to go through, physically, emotionally and financially.
As for DH, maybe you can talk to him again and explain that you are just looking for an opinion and a sounding board to help you think it thorugh. Make it clear that either way it won't be "his fault" if something happens. If that's his fear, hearing you acknowledge it might make it easier for him to give input.
Can you just commit to having a consult with the RE and determine what you are willing to pay for after hearing what he/she has to say? That way you can make an informed decision.
When we had to decide whether I was going to have labor induced or try some aggressive treatment with no guarantees, DH left it up to me which I didn't appreciate. I wanted us to make the decision together, but later on he told me I may the decision that he wanted as well. You should tell him how much you want his input.
We love and miss you Jillian (18w) and Peanut (6w). Welcome to our TAC miracle Jacob!
This. If DH doesn't come right out and say he is against something he means yes. He only does this in topic's he is 100% informed in, female reproduction is one of those topics. He goes to appointments but lets face it he isn't reading books and if he glances at them he doesn't understand all of it.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
It sounds like you know what you want to do but you want your H to make it clear that he supports it and that you're both on the same page. I think what the pp said about telling him you aren't going to blame him but that you want to make decisions together might help things a lot.
GL. I hope it goes well with the RE.