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Not sure...long.

futuremrshackneyfuturemrshackney member
in Baby Showers

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant my MIL mentioned something about having a baby shower later on. Heres my concern:

MIL also volunteered to have my wedding shower, as my mother was/is an emotional wreck of a woman who is totally incapable of being happy during most events that don't center around tragedy.  I was honored and felt loved and included, heres what happend...

MIL picked out a beautiful location, took me to it 2 weeks before and showed me everything.  Then she called me the next day to say that it was going to cost too much to rent and she would have to charge each guest $6.00 to attend.  I became upset, but kicked in and found a free location and reserved the area.  MIL didn't have time to find invitations and asked me if I would mind designing some from the internet to save money, I did... I also ended up mailing them and paying for the postage.  MIL ask me/us where we wanted our cake from, I told her... she said order it and we did. We also paid for the cake, she never offered to refund the money.  During my/our (co-ed) shower she insisted we wait for her oldest son to show up before we ate, 2 hours later he showed up and never touched a thing... they were late because they had stopped to eat before hand.  Later on I found out that she had told people attending that it would also double as their family labor day get together.

It cost me around 150 dollars for my own shower, which basically was a get together  for her family.  Many people didn't bring gifts or cards... maybe because they were only attending the "labor day" portion of the event. I told DH then that I didn't care if we ever had a babyshower when the time came.

I would like a way to politely decline having the "shower" or a way of saying "sure if you're footing the bill" when the time comes.  We don't need people to buy us things... I'm all for the celebration but not if I have to do all the work again.

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Re: Not sure...long.

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    msuk2girlmsuk2girl

    Eeeeeck.  I agree about bowing out of that one.  There's no need to deal with that.

    Not sure how to do it gently? Good luck.

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    TulipsAndChampagneTulipsAndChampagne member

    I agree with the PP, I have no idea how you could say thanks, but no thanks...

    Is your MIL the only person able to host a shower for you? If not, I would hope and pray that someone else can host it for you and you can still have a shower without footing the bill of your "MIL hosting it".

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    hopefulmomhopefulmom member
    I would just tell her you'll have to "get back with her" and if she presses just say one of your girlfriend's is thinking about hosting one.  Hopefully one of your friends WILL host it.  It is sad that your MIL made your bridal shower into a family get-together.  She would probably do the same with the baby shower...although maybe she has a bit more interest since she will be grandma.
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    EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    Ditto hopeful.  Just allude to a friend offering to throw one and leave it at that.

    If things REALLY come to ahead and she won't drop it, then I think your DH needs to step in and talk to her.  And HE is the one who can be honest w/ her.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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    DaniLovesPinkDaniLovesPink
    I would simply say, "Thank you so much for offering, but I just don't know if I want the added stress of a shower while I'm pregnant.  Finding a venue, doing invitations, ordering the cake and the added expense of those things just can't be made to work right now."  That way, you're nonchalantly letting her know how inconvenienced you were by the bridal shower, while declining because of that inconvenience.  Maybe she'll get the picture and take over.
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    mysticportermysticporter
    That's really rough.  I would defer as much as possible if she brings it up (allude to someone else possibly throwing one, like the others said).  If she really pushes for it, you have a couple of options...have DH talk to her and, as gently as possible, tell her no, or let her do the shower (for her side) but refuse to have anything to do with the planning. If she asks, tell her to do whatever she wants.  If it's for her family only (sounds like it was last time), I think they'll know any hiccups/problems are coming from her, although perhaps without the option of you bailing her out she'll suddenly work things out on her own.  It sounds like she did a lot of bait/switch last time, just don't take the bait.  (Stick firmly to "Oh, whenever you get to it/whatever you do is fine, I really don't want to take over."  Smile.  Nod.)

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