what is up with this guy?

pawcall · May 2010

So, I realize I should stop posting my "DH is a jerk" posts, but sometimes I can't help it. Like today.

Last night he very sweetly offered to take me to brunch. This sounded great, except that this morning he simply REFUSED to get up. I was starving (i'm so nauseous at night, I basically only eat breakfast and lunch) but I tried to hold off on waking him up. Mind you, I'm awake and famished by 6 every morning. At 8:00, I woke him up to ask when we could go (he takes about 45min to an hour to get himself ready after waking up). He gave me the deathstare and went back to bed. Fair enough. 10am rolls around, I'm practically chewing my limbs off, but I didn't want to make breakfast and then go out and PAY for breakfast - so I tried again. He yelled about what a nagging *** I am and told me to go eat.

So, fine. I made breakfast and ate and decided to go shopping. Around 1:00, he finally graced the world with his presence, and called me FURIOUS that I ate without him and went out shopping by myself.

I get home around 2 and he's just walking through the door with 2 burgers from mcdonalds. Fantastic! I'm hungry again!

Nope, those are both for him. One for now, one for "later". He literally refuses to allow me to eat it, and it's now sitting in the fridge getting cold for when he's hungry "later."

Seriously, wtf?

danamh83 · May 2010

Whatanazz!! A lot of his jerkiness can be attributed to the big life change you're about to go through. However, refusing to let you eat or make you something to eat or take you to brunch after he said he would is just so low and juvinille. I'd eat his burger for being a jerk. However, non-hormonal me says wait until things calm down a bit and say you don't mean to nag but he needs to be supportive to your emotional and physical needs. Maybe you can also go to a bookstore and get him some books on being an expectant dad. It's help MH a lot with my mood swings.

KeriMac · May 2010

I'd go out and get something better and eat it in front of him!!

KeriMac · May 2010

and sorry he is being a jerk

((HUGS))

Men are strange creatures....

wmramsel · May 2010

Whoa, hugs to you and kudos for not flipping out on him. Did he think that you wouldn't be hungry by 1pm?? And who wants a McDonalds hamburger later? EWWWW!

I agree with pp, does he have an expectant father's book? Maybe that would help a little?

wmramsel · May 2010

PS. And in no circumstance is it ok to call his pregnant wife anything that takes *** in it. Major side eye to him!

Doodle2011 · May 2010

Life changes bring out the best and the worst in people. But you do not deserve to be treated like that, life change or not. You need to tell him it's not ok to talk to you like that. Maybe you should consider talking to a counselor? Occasional spats and moodiness are one thing, but a pattern is another. Now is supposed to be when you are getting support and love from him, not passive aggressive static. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Sarahp63 · May 2010

I probably would have called a friend and gone out to brunch without him. He promised you that and you were looking forward to it. He let you down and I would be pissed too. Dont worry, my dh has had his weird days since our bfp too.

mchupie · May 2010

C, I am so sorry. He really sounds like he needs a kick in the nuts.

pawcall · May 2010

Thanks Ladies. He's been a giant loser since the BFP. I think he's trying to show me that he's the only infant I can possibly put up with.

mchupie · May 2010

M picked up a book called "The Expectant Father". He loves it. There are all sorts of "here's what you should do for your wife" type things. It might be exactly what he needs.

wmramsel · May 2010

mchupie:
M picked up a book called "The Expectant Father". He loves it. There are all sorts of "here's what you should do for your wife" type things. It might be exactly what he needs.

I got this for my dh too. I read the first couple chapters to see if it was going to be something he would actually read because he isn't a big reader (if was all just the medical stuff he wouldn't read it). Its very "this is what your wife is going through", and "you should probably help out more starting now" sorta stuff!

When things cool off a little, maybe a sit down, heart to heart about why he has been acting all weird? I hope it gets better!

companion cube · May 2010

My DH got that Expectant Father book as a gift from my aunt when we told her I was pg, I loved that he read it and knew what to expect as far as symptoms and the like.

Also, your DH needs one simple lesson DO NOT get between a hungry pregnant lady and food. EVER. Especially not to keep a cold McDonald's burger around for "later". If my DH ever acted like that he would get way worse than "nagging", and if he called me up after with anything less than apology, oh man... not acceptable.

stbmittleman · May 2010

hollyh74:
Life changes bring out the best and the worst in people. But you do not deserve to be treated like that, life change or not. You need to tell him it's not ok to talk to you like that. Maybe you should consider talking to a counselor? Occasional spats and moodiness are one thing, but a pattern is another. Now is supposed to be when you are getting support and love from him, not passive aggressive static. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

This exactly. I also agree with the PP's that he may need a kick to the nuts. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that, but at least you can vent to us!!

whits900 · May 2010

Wow - are we married to the same guy?

Although, I think he would at least have let me eat the extra burger.

Give him a good kick in the pants.

tigerali · May 2010

The Expectant Father book is great. DH got it for himself last time, and it really explains a lot of stuff.

He is really acting juvenile. Why would he try to prove he is the only infant you can put up with? Was he on board with you getting pregnant? It sounds like he really has no concept of what's happening to you, or what will happen once you have that baby. The sooner he gets clued in, the better you all will be. Start with asking him to read the book, and explain to him that this is a time you really need to work as a team.

Hope it gets better! Big hugs for you!

pawcall · May 2010

I'm not sure what his issue is. We are very (VERY) recently married, and initially thought we'd put off TTC for awhile. But then I had some health problems and to make a long story short, we decided to bump up the timeline.

Turns out, I got pregnant either the first or second time we stopped preventing. But when we decided to do this, he was 1000% on board. I guess it's just hitting him now, and he's not handling it very well.

Thanks for the book recommendation. He has a book, but not this one. I've ordered it now though...

tigerali · May 2010

cdobry01:

I'm not sure what his issue is. We are very (VERY) recently married, and initially thought we'd put off TTC for awhile. But then I had some health problems and to make a long story short, we decided to bump up the timeline.

Turns out, I got pregnant either the first or second time we stopped preventing. But when we decided to do this, he was 1000% on board. I guess it's just hitting him now, and he's not handling it very well.

Thanks for the book recommendation. He has a book, but not this one. I've ordered it now though...

It's a big adjustment. DH and I were only married 6 months when we got pg with dd. We were ttc, but it happened quick for us as well. Your dh will come around. Maybe he is acting out bc he knows his time is limited. Maybe he is trying to assert his manhood or something. Men are indeed strange, and not the best at explaining/sharing what they are feeling/thinking.

At some point, though, it's gotta give. At least if you're proactive in trying to get him to snap out of it, likely he will. Glad you ordered him the book.

izzourclue · May 2010

I realize that this post is mostly a vent and maybe you aren't looking for advice, but this is not the first time you've posted about some pretty jerky things your DH has done. He seems to blow really hot and cold about your pregnancy. Have you guys ever thought about some counseling? As this pregnancy progresses, you are going to need more consistent support. And after the baby is born, your marriage is going to see the kind of stress that only couples that are really in tune with each other can handle. I do feel really bad for you. If my DH was pulling this kind of sh!t, I would have a real problem with him and he wouldn't be able to make it better by buying me a baby toy. I really hope it gets better for you guys. Take care.

Doodle2011 · May 2010

Hey I ordered that book today too! Great minds think alike!

I know my DH has his moments where he is very tolerant to my whims and moments where he is like "who are you and where is my wife?". I think as your pregnancy progresses, he sees a heartbeat, sees your belly grow, it will help make it all more "real" and not just an idea he is having a hard time wrapping his head around. I definitely think some guys have a hard time stepping aside from being the ones babied!

kdjones1982 · May 2010

cdobry01,

I live in IL and that might be far away from you, but I'll bring you whatever you want to eat!

pawcall · May 2010

izzourclue:
I realize that this post is mostly a vent and maybe you aren't looking for advice, but this is not the first time you've posted about some pretty jerky things your DH has done. He seems to blow really hot and cold about your pregnancy. Have you guys ever thought about some counseling? As this pregnancy progresses, you are going to need more consistent support. And after the baby is born, your marriage is going to see the kind of stress that only couples that are really in tune with each other can handle. I do feel really bad for you. If my DH was pulling this kind of sh!t, I would have a real problem with him and he wouldn't be able to make it better by buying me a baby toy. I really hope it gets better for you guys. Take care.

We saw a woman before we got married for premarital counseling. I'm considering calling her up again. I don't know how much more of his crappiness I'm willing to put up with.

izzourclue · May 2010

cdobry01:

izzourclue:
I realize that this post is mostly a vent and maybe you aren't looking for advice, but this is not the first time you've posted about some pretty jerky things your DH has done. He seems to blow really hot and cold about your pregnancy. Have you guys ever thought about some counseling? As this pregnancy progresses, you are going to need more consistent support. And after the baby is born, your marriage is going to see the kind of stress that only couples that are really in tune with each other can handle. I do feel really bad for you. If my DH was pulling this kind of sh!t, I would have a real problem with him and he wouldn't be able to make it better by buying me a baby toy. I really hope it gets better for you guys. Take care.

We saw a woman before we got married for premarital counseling. I'm considering calling her up again. I don't know how much more of his crappiness I'm willing to put up with.

DH and I have been married for almost 13 years. We went through a rough patch where we just weren't communicating with each other and counseling did wonders. Our marriage has been so much better since. Men seem to be able to communicate their feelings better in counseling. They feel safer because we can't yell at them or get too hurt in front of the counseler . But the truth comes out and we get to see what is really bothering them. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to discuss at all. Good luck and I really hope you find the support you need. {{hugs}}

hot_tamale · May 2010

((Hugs)) Sorry that your hubby is being so sucky. I bet with all the hormones going, what he is doing is really hard to deal with. I would have kicked my husband's ass if he did the same thing. I totally would have eaten his hamburger. Lol. You have way more restraint that I. Hope things get better. You deserve better. Making a human being is hard work.

pawcall · May 2010

Update: The offending cheeseburger is STILL IN THE FRIDGE.

mchupie · May 2010

cdobry01:
Update: The offending cheeseburger is STILL IN THE FRIDGE.

No freaking way.

uklawgirl · May 2010

mchupie:
C, I am so sorry. He really sounds like he needs a kick in the nuts.

This right here. I am so sorry to hear that he's being so inconsiderate and rude.

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