I need to stop taking things personally.

jenifairies · May 2010

Anyone have this trick down? I need tips on how to work on that please!

Mrs.Hizzo · May 2010

Things like what? Some things are personal.

ash2 · May 2010

I wish I had an answer. I take ALOT of things personally.

Stacyc625 · May 2010

I am really good with this in general- but i think a lot of it has to do with my personality- however add pregnancy hormones and i tend to take things more personally

safy · May 2010

I don't know that I have it perfected as some things still do bother me, but they bother me a LOT less than they used to. I guess I just look at things differently now. I figure if people are going to be insensitive, then they are not worth my time and energy to constantly think about them by letting their crap bother me. I might file it away so that I can laugh at them later when sh*t happens to them. They really are just words. It doesn't mean that I have to stoop to their level but I'm not perfect either and there will be times when I say things that may offend people though I had no intentions of that.

I try to live by a quote from one of my favorite movies The Princess Diaries Stick out tongue

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt, 'This Is My Story,' 1937

And I refuse to give people consent to hurt or bother me.

EnglishMajor03 · May 2010

Depends on what you mean. I don't take a lot of things personally because I'm totally open to a lot of criticism. I don't think a day goes by that I don't self-evaluate. I just want to be the best person I can be. So, I try to take what people say about me as truth and work on the things I don't like.

If someone upsets you, etc. take it as an opportunity to voice it. It's incredibly liberating being honest and open with people. Makes for really great relationships after a while. Just be an adult about your approach and be open to their views too.

hellopoppyseed · May 2010

When I start to take things personally, I remind muskeg of what my mother says, "it's not about you." people act all kinds of ways and it has nothing to do with you an everything to do with what's going on with them. Also it helps to try and imagine an excuse for them. Ex. She probably is tired because she's been working a lot lately. She's probably sad because she misses her dog that died. She's probably crabby because her tube top is too tight. Helps if it might be true or it's funny.

lms_bride · May 2010

I know what you mean... taking things too personally is my default mode. I'd like to think that I have learned to override it over the years, most but not all of the time. I took a womens seminar years ago that talked a lot about this. It helped me.

Basically the gist was that if you feel that someone is attacking you, insulting you, or in some other way belittling you or making you feel small, chances are that THEY have some problem or issue that is unresolved and they need to make themselves feel better by making you feel smaller. So what this means is that generally whatever "it" is, is usually NOT about you. It sounds bad, but it's sort of like saying, actually the world doesn't revolve around you and probably when someone is being rude, snarky, mean, or what have you, it has absolutely nothing to do with you - it is them. But we, especially women, seem to internalize everyone else's s*%# and then make it about us. So if you can step outside of yourself for a minute and look at the situation, you will usually realize the person has something else going on inside of them that has nothing to do with you, but it feels as if they have a problem with you. Basically you're taking the responsiblity for the situation off of your shoulders and placing it squarely on the person saying or doing the perceived negative actions. And when its on someone else's shoulders, its not your place to then judge them, but to realize the situation really doesn't have anything to do with you and then you can more easily walk away and not let it affect you.... its their issue and has nothing to do with you (and frankly sometimes then you actually pity them because they are being petty or vindictive or whatever it is). Easier said than done - its definitely a paradigm shift, but it works.

I hope this made some sort of sense... I can try to elaborate more because I know I'm not explaining this well.

lms_bride · May 2010

hellopoppyseed:
When I start to take things personally, I remind muskeg of what my mother says, "it's not about you." people act all kinds of ways and it has nothing to do with you an everything to do with what's going on with them. Also it helps to try and imagine an excuse for them. Ex. She probably is tired because she's been working a lot lately. She's probably sad because she misses her dog that died. She's probably crabby because her tube top is too tight. Helps if it might be true or it's funny.

This! Well said poppyseed...

EnglishMajor03 · May 2010

hellopoppyseed:
When I start to take things personally, I remind muskeg of what my mother says, "it's not about you."

This is so true! I go to the gym very regularly and my overweight cousin who has 1% self esteem started coming with me. Of course she thought that everyone was looking at her and expressed time and time again how she wanted to look like the other really fit girls. It made me realize what a special gift being comfortable in our own skin is. I told her, though, that for as much as she's thinking about how she looks everyone else is doing the same. We're all vain in that respect.

Anyway, just wanted to add that.

ps- I love my cellulite legs and flabby 2nd baby belly...most days

Me?Married? · May 2010

It can be about us if we really did do or say a bonehead thing. That is where my confusion sits. "Did I really do somehing bad?" or "Its not about me, it's about them."

I seem to constantly be evaluating situations lately to see if it's my part to improve or if no matter what I do, someone won't be happy with it.

It's tough sometimes.

hellopoppyseed · May 2010

lms_bride:
hellopoppyseed:
When I start to take things personally, I remind muskeg of what my mother says, "it's not about you." people act all kinds of ways and it has nothing to do with you an everything to do with what's going on with them. Also it helps to try and imagine an excuse for them. Ex. She probably is tired because she's been working a lot lately. She's probably sad because she misses her dog that died. She's probably crabby because her tube top is too tight. Helps if it might be true or it's funny.
This! Well said poppyseed...

Thank you. Sorry about the typo. Stupid autocorrect on my phone. Whatever a "muskeg" is? :-)

gatogrrl · May 2010

hellopoppyseed:
When I start to take things personally, I remind muskeg of what my mother says, "it's not about you." people act all kinds of ways and it has nothing to do with you an everything to do with what's going on with them. Also it helps to try and imagine an excuse for them. Ex. She probably is tired because she's been working a lot lately. She's probably sad because she misses her dog that died. She's probably crabby because her tube top is too tight. Helps if it might be true or it's funny.

This made me laugh.

I hardly ever take things personally. I tend to be the self-important jerk that says the wrong thing and upsets somebody. If a remark bothers you, don't stew about it. Say something like, "that hurt my feelings... why did you say that?" Asking a question can open the dialogue if the offender, like me usually, didn't mean any offense, but was simply being a bonehead. Or, if the person really *did* mean to be a jerk, asking a question puts them on the defensive.

Cricket127 · May 2010

Hey--you can't change who you are but you can change how you respond. My husband (even though we have known each other for 20 years) is STILL learning when he says something that I don't take well so sometimes I do lash out and other times, just a hard glare does the trick. When we do cool down (happily doesn't take long) I tell him what bothers me and just ask him to think twice. Most times he does.

Sorry for rambling there but hey, you're not alone. :-)

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