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Moms of two, advice/experience please?

bbe13bbe13 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
My daughter will be 2 1/2 when I have her brother...  Am anticipating a big adjustment...  For those who have been there, what was the worst part of the adjustment and any tips and or hints to help us get through it...  tia 
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Re: Moms of two, advice/experience please?

  • PeskyPesky member
    The worst is the beginning when you have a really needy newborn, no sleep and a toddler who doesn't get what all just happened and why you can't get her milk RIGHT.NOW.  Best thing to do is make an effort to carve out special time for just you and her.  I remember even announcing to my fussing son that I had to get DD's drink/snack/whatever first and then I would get him, so that DD heard that yes, she came first sometimes so could be more patient when she had to wait.  Accept the fact that at some point, both will be crying at the same time and you won't be able to be in two places at once.  It happens and they will survive.  Get help in the beginning.  Even having a neighbor come in to hold DS when DH was OOT so I could bathe DD was a life-saver.  And it gets a lot better.  They already play together a bit.  


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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  • jnksmomjnksmom member

    DS was only 17 months when DD was born and he did really well. The worst part for us was that DS started waking up at night again(he had been STTN since 10weeks). He would say "mommy bed". I think it was because DD was in our room. As soon as we put her in her crib at night he stopped waking at night. I tried CIO at first but it didn't work and he was getting too upset. I ended up sitting with him in his room until he would go back to sleep.

    I think it also helped because we tried to involve DS as much as possible. He loved to "help" take care of DD...little things like giving her the paci or bringing me a diaper, dance to entertain her, etc. Also, I tried to do fun things that only DS could do while DD slept. Newborns sleep a lot so I gave him a lot of one-on-one attention during that time to help ease him into sharing mommy. DS adjusted really well and has never shown much jealously against DD. He was younger than your DD will be so she may respond differently but hopefully she will do well!

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  • MrsMag2005MrsMag2005
    When DS 2 was born, DS 1 was only 20 months. The hospital was the worst part for us by far. It broke my hear that he was so scared of all the people and mommy being in the hospital bed.  Once we got home I think everyone overcompensated by paying too much attention to him.  As bad as that sounded (sorry) it really wasnt that bad! after about a week he adjusted and life continued on at our new "normal".  I feel like the early days were easier because DS 2 slept so much and now he hardly sleeps at all.  You will all adjust fine and before you know it, you wont even remember what it was like without the new baby.  You will definitely be much busier, so enjoy your quiet moments now! hopefully that was helpful and not making you freak out more, good luck to all of you!
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  • skittles_123skittles_123 member

    I would say the sleep factor was harder the second time. You cannot just sleep when your baby is sleeping, you have a toddler to watch too. It is rough. Best thing to do, sleep when they are both sleeping, if that is even possible. My ds had 6 weeks of preschool left when dd was born, so we took him to that still, just to get him out of the house, having fun, and so we could get some sleep. So, maybe trying to find someone to help watch your older child would be helpful.

    My ds wasn't the typical toddler, he adjusted quite well to his sister. No jealously, played on his own well, when needed, etc.

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  • MrsAmersMrsAmers

    DD was not quite 27 months when DS was born.

    Her behavior was bad - lots of testing and defiance - for about a month.  The worst of it was the first two weeks.  She had another bout of testing and defiance when her brother started at daycare with her, too.

    Other than that, it was just very tiring.  It takes a lot of energy, they both still interrupt our sleep (moreso DS) and you have to find a new balance.  But it is like having one child, the things that are hard evolve as the kids get older.  Now our schedule is easier because DS doesn't nurse as often and only naps 2 times a day, but he's going through a bout of separation anxiety and we're trying to potty train DD.  So I'm more emotionally exhausted right now than physically exhausted.  :-)

    Heather Margaret --- Feb '07 and Todd Eldon --- April '09
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  • RHitchRHitch member
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  • melanieclmelaniecl
    DS was 28 months when I had DD. The best adivce I can give is go with the flow. DS was originally thrilled to have DD around (he LOVES babies) but the novelty wore off about a week later and he was a nightmare. Never towards the baby, but was just a complete and total BRAT with me and DH. I knew his world was just turned upside down, but be prepared to have a lot of conflicting feelings. I had so much guilt when he was acting out like that, but at the same time had so much resentment towards him that he was being such a brat.  Definitely get some help...My DH was traveling a LOT when DD was born, so I was on my own on that front. However, my inlaws and parents were great. My in-laws would take DS out (to the park, etc) to give him some attention so I could deal with the baby and then on other nights my parents would come over and deal with the baby so I could spend some time with DS (because you will miss him!) and so I could continue his routine (dinner, bathtime, etc) without having to worry about a screaming baby. I think DS was a nightmare for about a month, but it passes...now he loves his sister so much that I don't think any of us can remember when she didn't exist. Good luck!
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