Anyone SAH because it's better for your lifestyle?

GingerSB · May 2010

My kids are thriving in daycare. But life is just too hectic. So, I am going to stay home. For the lifestyle. Not because my kids are worse off in daycare.

Anyone else?

Do you find a nice change in lifestyle? I am just so tired of trying to fit everything into our evenings. I want my life to be slow and calm, not fast and furious.

MAprincess · May 2010

I SAH because it is cheaper;-) DS loved DC too and we had a great experience with it. Paying for two there would have been too much. My days are generally more hectic now, somehow. But I do get to spend a lot more quality awake time with DS and DD without feeling like I'm cramming it in, which is nice.

TrinaKay · May 2010

I doubt anyone stays home because their LO was worse off in daycare.

I stay home because this is the lifestyle we choose. We knew before having DD that we wanted me to stay home. Both DH and I grew up with a parent at home, so it was a no brainer that if we could we would have me at home.

lilone_06 · May 2010

I SAH because I couldn't find a job when we moved and we don't have family here to help out (which I think is a must for both parents to work full-time, at least it was for us). But to answer your question, our lifestyle is MUCH healthier, calmer, and happier. All of our errands and housework gets done during the week, so we spend each and every weekend doing only fun things as a family. I get to work out regularly and cook healthy meals. The girls get to sleep in as late as they want, and if they or I get sick, we can spend the whole day at home without a worry. Aside from the money and the self-worth I got from working, this lifestyle is wonderful.

FWIW, DD thrived in daycare also - I never felt that she would be better off at home with me.

teach2183 · May 2010

Once DC start school, if we can afford it I will continue to SAH so I can get be here to put kids on/off the bus and get everything done around the house. That way we'll be able to enjoy all after school hours as a family.

als33 · May 2010

i stay at home because it's better for my sanity, lol! but yes, i think about how caotic my life was when i was working ft, and now i am so much more mellow and patient. i'm not the type of person that thrives in that sort of situation, so i chose to SAH.

bim38106 · May 2010

In a sense, yes. I'm a bit of a... perfectionist. I stress a lot and way too easily. I know that I'm a better mom to my kids being at home with them. I'd be way too stressed out and overloaded if I worked right now. That's just my personality, just like others say they are better moms when they can get out of the house and work. And I think it's perfectly fine either way. You do what works for your family

That said, my life is definitely NOT slow and calm. LOL. I often tell DH that I can't wait for the weekend so that I can finally slow down. We are so busy! And while parts of being a SAHM make life easier, there are times daily where I feel overwhelmed and overly busy and hectic just like I was when I was working (from the kids needing me every second or temper tantrums or whatever). So while I'm overall less stressed by SAH, and it's better for me and my family, it's somewhat trading one craziness for another

So the less stress thing is only a small part of why I want/am a SAHM. I do think it depends on the person and the family, but don't do it JUST for that reason because life is definitely not slow and calm on a daily basis. I do, however, think that overall, it's calmer for our family because I can get stuff done during the week. Weekends are then reserved for family time rather then rushing around getting things done. Good luck with whatever you decide

littlelamb99 · May 2010

I stay at home because for us it IS better for our lifestyle. I went back to work after DD turned 13 months and I only lasted 4 months. We hated the rat race in the AM and DD hated daycare and cried throughout the day. The girls at her school were really nice but I don't think my DD really *learned* anything--they just changed her diaper, let them play, fed them, etc.

I am so glad I SAH now. For my sanity I started a job as a stylist with Stella & Dot and I love that I can dress up and look cute as a SAHM and also earn a nice income too. I am truly happy with where I am now.

babypuplove · May 2010

I don't think there is anything wrong with daycare. If we had to go that route, I'm sure DD would enjoy going to "school" everyday. But she also loves SAH with me, and DH and I love it as well.

We love that she is with family, and I also love SAH because I love spending time with her. I get plenty of breaks when DH gets home, when my mom or MIL come over once/week, and we have a lot of SAHM friends in our neighborhood that we hang out with. DH is wonderful about spending time with us as a family and with DD on his own. I have girls nights out whenever I want them, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on "adult time."

I really like that everything is on my terms. It's very freeing and we don't want life to be busy and chaotic. To us, that's not enjoyable. We have a lot going on each week, but it's fun stuff that we plan and sign up for. If we want a lazy day, we have one. Also, as pp stated, we love that DD sleeps in until she is ready to get up. I would hate to wake her up early every morning to get to daycare.

So, to answer your question, yes, a big part of it is lifestyle.

DarcyLongfellow · May 2010

Lifestyle is the primary reason I stay home. I really want DD to have a relaxed childhood. I was a huge ball of stress even at home when I was working, and I didn't want to raise DD with a stressed out mom. I love that I can spend 45 minutes playing on the floor of her room when she wakes up and not worry about making it out of the house in time. I really value unstructured and unlimited time to just hang out with her.

darlawoods · May 2010

Staying at home choose me quite frankly. I have a pretty demanding career and DH and I are fairly young, and I wanted to climb the ladder as quickly as possible at work. However doing pregnancy I was too exhausted and then when I stayed home for three months and realized how much easier life is, I said I would give it a break. There will always be work but you cannot get memories back!

taylormillgirl · May 2010

Absolutely. I've said over and over that I didn't want the stress of trying to juggle FT work, parenting 3 kids, plus all the usual stuff that comes with running a home. DH works long hours, so he wouldn't be here to help shoulder the burden as much.

GingerSB · May 2010

TrinaKay:
I doubt anyone stays home because their LO was worse off in daycare.

LOL, Just a few posts down someone commented that kids are better of with family than any other type of care. I am really glad that`s not the general consensus on the board though.

Thanks everyone. I can`t wait to join you!

I`ve stayed home with each of my kids for a year long mat leave (i.e. for 2 of the last 4.5 years so I certainly know what I am getting into!

DD1 is starting kindergarten and it just kind cemented the fact that time is going by too fast, and we want to slow down and enjoy things a bit more.

JOEBunny · May 2010

Yep, that is why I SAH. I could well afford a nanny in my former career, but I would have little time with either my kids or DH. My kids would have little time outside of a classroom. It is work, don't get me wrong, you pay those teachers to do something with your kids, not just sit around, but it is nice to be able to say to my daughter, "what would you like to do today?", instead of, "get up time for school, hurry." I also think it is much better for my relationship with DH in most ways, though not all. We have a lot more flexibility. I do think my kids are better off for having me home. My DD loves her school, but she also loves being home, playing alone, and having time to imagine. My BFF works, but she picks her DD up at 4 and her DH drops her off at 9, which works. My kids would be away from us from 7:30 in the morning until 6 at night, so not a lot of time to parent during the week, since they get up at 7 and go to bed at 7.

VAannie · May 2010

I'm sorry, but you're in for a rude awakening if you think being a SAHM is "slow and calm."

KL777 · May 2010

My primary reason for SAH was to be there for DS, to give him the nurturing that he needs. My secondary reason was because I didn't want to try to be "Superwoman"---hence a lifestyle preference.

Smittenkitten05 · May 2010

I SAH now because I'm a person who needs a lot of downtime and when I was working I almost never got it. I just felt so exhausted and drained all the time and it was making me a worse mom. The last thing I wanted to do when I came home from work was play with the baby, as awful as that sounds. I just needed to veg.

Now that I SAH and spend almost all my time playing with DS and taking him to various activities throughout the day, we have a MUCH better relationship. He was doing great in FT daycare, but I believe he's doing better now because we have a closer bond. And I'm able to get some downtime when he takes a nap or plays by himself for a little bit.

Of course, I should add that it helps that I wasn't crazy about my job and that my DH makes a nice living so my leaving work didn't change our lifestyle at all. It's different if you truly love your working life and get a charge out of it, or if SAH would profoundly change your lifestyle.

mysticporter · May 2010

****Lurker WM with a SAHD husband****

That's one of the prime reasons we decided one of us would SAH. It gives our family a lot more flexibility in our schedule, and although his days with DD are not what I would call slow and calm, for the family as a whole things are a lot less stressful and chaotic than they would be if both of us worked.

MrsRebecca · May 2010

It was a factor. My husband works nights so if I worked we would never get to see each other. We did it fine for years, but with a child we wanted more family time.

gatogrrl · May 2010

GingerSB:
My kids are thriving in daycare. But life is just too hectic. So, I am going to stay home. For the lifestyle. Not because my kids are worse off in daycare.

Anyone else?

Do you find a nice change in lifestyle? I am just so tired of trying to fit everything into our evenings. I want my life to be slow and calm, not fast and furious.

This is exactly why we're determined to only have one parent working at a time. And we're lucky that we're both professionals who could support a family on one income.

I grew up in a very mellow house, where being happy was the #1 priority. In this culture, it's kind of a skill you have to learn. I hope to pass on to DD this ability to relax and enjoy.

Bella427 · May 2010

My DH stayed at home for 18 months after a layoff. Although it wasn't planned, once we adjusted I really enjoyed the slower, calmer lifestyle (but hated being broke, my WM salary isn't exactly breadwinning worthy.

) He's been back at work for 2 months. I'm doing all the daycare drop offs, pick ups, packing lunch and snacks, etc. DD is fine in either situation, but I do miss the calmer days a bit. Pros and cons either way. Good luck with your new calmer lifestyle!

smiling76 · May 2010

I stay a home part-time because my DS has such severe allergies and having him full time in daycare made me too stressed--along with just having so much going on every night it was just too much. I needed more time to be able to make him 'safer' meals, etc.

So he's in daycare 2x a week while I go in to the office--and it's just fantastic. I am so blessed and my life has been forever changed.

GingerSB · May 2010

VAannie:
I'm sorry, but you're in for a rude awakening if you think being a SAHM is "slow and calm."

I've been a SAHM for 2 of the last 4.5 years. Trust me, it's slow & calm compared to working. No rude awakenings here.

Is your life really hectic??? And I don't mean individual days, but your life overall. I just don't see how that is, unless you choose for it to be.

prepster7 · May 2010

I wasn't to respond to the "slow and calm" bit. I think it's all a matter of perspective and what sort of work you do. Some moms find work to be more chaotic and stressful than being SAHM. I'm one of them! I used to teach and being home with one child is so much slower and calmer than that career. However, I have many friends who think being at work is easier.

Btw, I chose to SAH because it's better for our lifestyle and a better fit with my personality.

babypuplove · May 2010

GingerSB:
VAannie:
I'm sorry, but you're in for a rude awakening if you think being a SAHM is "slow and calm."

I've been a SAHM for 2 of the last 4.5 years. Trust me, it's slow & calm compared to working. No rude awakenings here.
Is your life really hectic??? And I don't mean individual days, but your life overall. I just don't see how that is, unless you choose for it to be.

I agree that it is definitely slow and calm compared to going to work. Maybe not the actual work part for everyone (for me it was, I was a teacher, and every days was chaotic, but usually in a good way!). If you used to sit at a desk in a cube and surf the internet, type memos, and answer phones, then SAH may seem more hectic to you. But I really can't imagine SAH being considered crazy and hectic unless you make it that way. You get to choose how you organize your days.

Yes, babies and toddlers can be difficult, but overall you have a lot more control over your life than you would if you had to wake at the crack of dawn everyday and start the morning rush to get out of the house. That stressful morning routine, along with cramming all of the household and family time into evenings and weekends, would be enough to stress me out, that's for sure.

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