My 2nd MIL vent

Chickpea2010 · May 2010

My carefully maintained patience with MIL is starting to crack.

She keeps trying to schedule the baptism for Labor Day Weekend. We've told her several times that this does not work for MY family (and my brother/SIL are the godparents, so they kind of need to be there) but she keeps insisting that she needs to tell her family so they can buy plane tickets. Seriously, we've been over this at least 4 times. The baptism is not Labor Day weekend, no matter how many times she says that it is.

Not to mention, I'd really like to wait until we have something to baptize before we go scheduling it. Telling her this does not matter. Plane tickets, apparently, are all that matter at this point. Even though we're not doing it on the date she keeps saying that we are!!!

Also? It's not her job to schedule the baptism. It's ours. We've got plenty of things to think about that are happening before then (ya know, the birth of our child?), but it is definitely on our radar. She just needs to back off and trust that we can handle this. And no, she's not trying to help us by scheduling it. She's butting in and implying that we are somehow slacking on our duties.

She already talked to her brother (a pastor) and told him we wanted him to do the service. Which we do, but we had planned on talking to him about it ourselves (it being kind of an honor and all) at a later date, when we could better sit down and decide what works for everyone. So now, 2 months before the baby is even scheduled to arrive, she's got everyone up in arms over freaking plane tickets for the baptism.

This is the last thing I need to think about right now, and I know I need to just let it go, but grrrr. GRR.

mrs.kapow · May 2010

Maybe my friends/family are odd, but I think 2-3 months is kinda early for a baptism, no?

Can you talk to H's uncle/pastor about the best timing for the child?

PSUBean22 · May 2010

Can DH tell her to just chill as its just stressing you BOTH out and she is overstepping alot?

megperk72 · May 2010

Ummm...yeah, that would be frustrating as he11!!! Is there a way that you could have DH sit down and have a stern talk with her and tell her she needs to let you two be the parents? If you don't give her enough notice for 'her family' to be here for the baptism, then that's on you, not her. Not for her to worry about or complain about. If DH doesn't do it, then you might have to. Even if it causes some discomfort up front. Might want to get that line drawn before the baby gets here to avoid/reduce any future of this kind of thing popping up again! GL, momma!

Shandie_725 · May 2010

My MIL is pissed at DH and I because we've planned LO's baptism for Father's Day. She wants to go visit her dad on Father's Day (who'd be invited to the Baptism anyways). And her (other) son, who is the Godfather, is making his last trip home before moving to CA so if we don't do the baptism now, LO could be 12 before it gets down since both her intended Godparents live 1500+ miles away.

morganmarie · May 2010

My MIL wont listen to anything I say either... She thinks my due date got moved up 3 weeks.. but it did not and when I tell her it is still june 5 she does not believe me.... I would have your DH talk to her.. thats the only way that we get thinkgs threw my MIL head.

jcthomas1281 · May 2010

I'd let her do her thing. schedule the baptism, the plane tickets...worry about where to put everyone up...

and then not show up! Let everyone know via email or whatever that they can show up if they want but it would be a waste of a trip. Tell her you will plan the date you want YOUR child baptized and that if she schedules anything else there will be NO baptism that day!

Yeah, I would wait until after the baby is born because you never know what you will have to deal with and you may decide to push it back a few months.

Good luck!

JhawkCE · May 2010

mrs.kapow:
Maybe my friends/family are odd, but I think 2-3 months is kinda early for a baptism, no?
Can you talk to H's uncle/pastor about the best timing for the child?

We don't usually wait past 2 months. Most of us and most of the grandchildren in my family were baptized within the first month baring special circumstances.

To OP, stop talking to her about this stuff. Smile and say we haven't made any plans and change the subject as many times as it takes for her to get the hint.

mrs.kapow · May 2010

JhawkCE:
mrs.kapow:
Maybe my friends/family are odd, but I think 2-3 months is kinda early for a baptism, no?
Can you talk to H's uncle/pastor about the best timing for the child?
We don't usually wait past 2 months. Most of us and most of the grandchildren in my family were baptized within the first month baring special circumstances.
To OP, stop talking to her about this stuff. Smile and say we haven't made any plans and change the subject as many times as it takes for her to get the hint.

Thanks.

Not to mention, won't plane tix be way more expensive Labor Day weekend? Can you reason with her and explain that ANY other weekend would be better for HER family so as to save them the expense?

mcadams1 · May 2010

do we have the same MIL? Mine is constantly trying to run our lives over big and little things. Her motivation is usually to take DD away from me (she's just obsessed with her, she doesn't think I'm a bad mom) so she's always asking about appointments and volunteering to watch her. Sunday she asked if she could watch her during the baby class- DD's baby class!! um no!

I'm trying a new stratedgy and telling her "I'll let you know if I need you to watch her." I know it sounds simple and obvious, but she usually blindsides me with her offers and pushiness and won't let the issue go, like your MIL. I intend to literally keep repeating this message when she asks. Maybe something like that would work for you guys? It only gets worse if left unchecked so hopefully something will nip this in the bud! Its a constant battle!

Shandie_725 · May 2010

mrs.kapow:
Maybe my friends/family are odd, but I think 2-3 months is kinda early for a baptism, no?

Our LO will be about 3 weeks old at her baptism - her Godfather is visiting from FL that week and her Godmother is visiting from GA, and it's the only time we know we'll be able to get them both together for the foreseeable future.

Chickpea2010 · May 2010

jcthomas1281:

I'd let her do her thing. schedule the baptism, the plane tickets...worry about where to put everyone up...

and then not show up! Let everyone know via email or whatever that they can show up if they want but it would be a waste of a trip. Tell her you will plan the date you want YOUR child baptized and that if she schedules anything else there will be NO baptism that day!

Yeah, I would wait until after the baby is born because you never know what you will have to deal with and you may decide to push it back a few months.

Good luck!

Awesome...in my more zen moments, I say I am going to do exactly this. Oh, zen...where have you gone?!

Chickpea2010 · May 2010

MarcnShaun:
mrs.kapow:

Maybe my friends/family are odd, but I think 2-3 months is kinda early for a baptism, no?

Our LO will be about 3 weeks old at her baptism - her Godfather is visiting from FL that week and her Godmother is visiting from GA, and it's the only time we know we'll be able to get them both together for the foreseeable future.

We will likely have the same kind of situation - my brother & SIL will be in town the weekend after labor day for a wedding, so we'll probably just do the baptism then. I know it's what my mom would prefer, though she mentioned it ONCE, I said, "we'll think about it," and she hasn't harrassed me about it since then....imagine that.

We haven't even asked the godparents yet because we won't see them until next weekend and we wanted to do it in person. All the more reason to wait!

OK, I'm bitter and hungry and I need to go find a happy place and a brownie. Thanks for all the input, ladies!

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