Sex

HulaLove · May 2010

Lisa's post about birth control got me thinking about sex.

When does it get better? It has finally stopped hurting, but I have absolutely no sex drive. I think (hope) this is normal because I'm EBFing, but man I miss my hubs!!

I think part of my problem is that I have a hard time seperating myself from being a mom. It's pretty all consuming right now.

Ladies please tell me it gets better again! And maybe tell me I'm not a freak Sad

MrsNicole&Brian808 · May 2010

Thanks for posting this! It took us a while to get back into things after our BFP (we had a lot of mental blocks--and it's still a little challenging at times), which makes me curious about how things are after LO is actually here.

MrsIH · May 2010

Teri, I thank you for posting this too. Since our BFP and in the first tri it didn't happen very often... now, not that often still. I feel so badly but I am tired when it comes to bed time

I miss my hubby too and we have no baby yet! He is completely understanding but I can't help but feel some guilt that it isn't the same as before.

mie · May 2010

It does get better. I will say that the first time around I had zero drive/interest for a long, long time. I think things got better after I weaned. This time around things are better. I definitely have a sex drive...it's just finding the time/privacy.

SanHawaii08 · May 2010

count me in as one of the "no baby yet so no advice here" but, nicole and tara - me three... Sad

mental blocks, too tired, ...all of the above. Stick out tongue

hopefully we'll "get back into things" too...soon...

MrsNicole&Brian808 · May 2010

SanHawaii08:
count me in as one of the "no baby yet so no advice here" but, nicole and tara - me three... mental blocks, too tired, ...all of the above. hopefully we'll "get back into things" too...soon...

Phew! Glad I'm not the only one. I think I'm slowly getting my drive back, but now it's physiological stuff. Without getting to detailed, I tire more easily and I think the hormones are causing certain sensations to be different. Haha...I hope that's not TMI. I think MH is over the whole "the baby will know what we're doing!" phase. I think it's more me at this point. Eh, I'm glad to hear it gets better, though. Smile

sanae78 · May 2010

HulaLove:

When does it get better? It has finally stopped hurting, but I have absolutely no sex drive. I think (hope) this is normal because I'm EBFing, but man I miss my hubs!!

I think part of my problem is that I have a hard time seperating myself from being a mom. It's pretty all consuming right now.

I feel EXACTLY the same way! So you're not a freak. Unless I just am, too. Haha.

I read somewhere that it can take up to a year for your hormones to balance and for sex drive to return. Hope it doesn't really take that long!

eacerna · May 2010

SanHawaii08:
count me in as one of the "no baby yet so no advice here" but, nicole and tara - me three...

me four :-).

nothing has changed for us though so i am thankful for that. we'll see what happens when the baby comes. keeping fingers crossed :-/.

HulaLove · May 2010

I have some hopeful knews for you ladies who are pregnant Big Smile . Later in my second trimester and early in the third we had an amazing sex life!

I'm not sure if it was the hormones, the renewed energy or the extra blood flow - but ohmygod!

Then hubs started getting worried that he was bonking the baby... and that kinda killed the mood.

Hope you find the same thing!

HulaLove · May 2010

I have some hopeful knews for you ladies who are pregnant Big Smile . Later in my second trimester and early in the third we had an amazing sex life!

I'm not sure if it was the hormones, the renewed energy or the extra blood flow - but ohmygod!

Then hubs started getting worried that he was bonking the baby... and that kinda killed the mood.

Hope you find the same thing!

eacerna · May 2010

HulaLove:

I have some hopeful knews for you ladies who are pregnant . Later in my second trimester and early in the third we had an amazing sex life!

I'm not sure if it was the hormones, the renewed energy or the extra blood flow - but ohmygod!

Ditto!! Haha I completely agree Wink Yes Stick out tongue

HulaLove · May 2010

sanae78:
HulaLove:

I feel EXACTLY the same way! So you're not a freak. Unless I just am, too. Haha.

I read somewhere that it can take up to a year for your hormones to balance and for sex drive to return. Hope it doesn't really take that long!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!!

MrsIH · May 2010

HulaLove:
Hope you find the same thing!

I do too! Big Smile Maybe we just need to have post dinner sex? That way I'm rearin' to go instead of ready for bed around 9:30-10:00 (I get up early for work, therefore early bed time ).

eacerna · May 2010

MrsIH:
HulaLove:

Hope you find the same thing!

I do too! Maybe we just need to have post dinner sex? That way I'm rearin' to go instead of ready for bed around 9:30-10:00 (I get up early for work, therefore early bed time ).

what about weekends? Wink

SanHawaii08 · May 2010

MrsNicole&Brian808:

I think the hormones are causing certain sensations to be different. Haha...I hope that's not TMI.

haha, i know what you mean. also, i think my muscles (uterus, etc) are *so* relaxed, it erm, doesn't really feel like anything... Stick out tongue sob.

HulaLove:
Then hubs started getting worried that he was bonking the baby... and that kinda killed the mood.

i had to lol at this - I think MH made the same comment once.

sanae78:
I read somewhere that it can take up to a year for your hormones to balance and for sex drive to return. Hope it doesn't really take that long!

ack - after weaning? up to a year? sigh...i'll just add this to my "list of unexpected things I learned while TTC/PG"

MrsIH · May 2010

eacerna:
MrsIH:
HulaLove:

Hope you find the same thing!

I do too! Maybe we just need to have post dinner sex? That way I'm rearin' to go instead of ready for bed around 9:30-10:00 (I get up early for work, therefore early bed time ).

what about weekends?

YES, absolutely Stick out tongue But the last two weekends we've (I'VE) been in nesting mode and at the end of the day we're (I'M) exhausted... LOL! Seriously, last weekend we had a GTG Friday night, Saturday we picked up the crib/dresser in the US, drove home and cleared out our guest bedroom and DH put the furniture together... Sunday we organized our basement/storage closet. Fun stuff but a lot of work, so glad it's all done now. This weekend we've got a holiday on Monday, can't wait to relax!

eacerna · May 2010

MrsIH:
eacerna:
MrsIH:
HulaLove:

Hope you find the same thing!

I do too! Maybe we just need to have post dinner sex? That way I'm rearin' to go instead of ready for bed around 9:30-10:00 (I get up early for work, therefore early bed time ).

what about weekends?

This weekend we've got a holiday on Monday, can't wait to relax!

relax = sexy time Wink

MrsIH · May 2010

eacerna:
MrsIH:
eacerna:
MrsIH:
HulaLove:

Hope you find the same thing!

I do too! Maybe we just need to have post dinner sex? That way I'm rearin' to go instead of ready for bed around 9:30-10:00 (I get up early for work, therefore early bed time ).

what about weekends?

This weekend we've got a holiday on Monday, can't wait to relax!

relax = sexy time

LOL! Big Smile Yes

redshoegirl · May 2010

I'm curious if it hurts as much for women who have had a c-section (I'm still only 4 weeks pp so no sexy time here until I have my check-up in another 2 weeks). I'm wondering if it's just primarily from the trauma of pushing a kid out during childbirth or is hormonal as well?

It was VERY uncomfortable for me in the later stages of my pregnancy - I think I can count on one hand the number of times we did it during third tri - but that was because of the whole twin thing...they were putting a LOT of pressure on my cervix for a long time, and that made nookies pretty uncomfy.

HulaLove · May 2010

redshoegirl:

I'm curious if it hurts as much for women who have had a c-section (I'm still only 4 weeks pp so no sexy time here until I have my check-up in another 2 weeks). I'm wondering if it's just primarily from the trauma of pushing a kid out during childbirth or is hormonal as well?

One of my IRL friends who had a c-section says that sex didn't hurt at all, but she had a scheduled c-section and didn't go into labour at all.

I hope you have no pain!!

sanae78 · May 2010

redshoegirl:
I'm curious if it hurts as much for women who have had a c-section (I'm still only 4 weeks pp so no sexy time here until I have my check-up in another 2 weeks). I'm wondering if it's just primarily from the trauma of pushing a kid out during childbirth or is hormonal as well?

It feels like it's my first time every time! At least at first. Not sure if it's because of pregnancy or because we go at least a week between each time.

MrsNicole&Brian808 · May 2010

SanHawaii08:
MrsNicole&Brian808:

I think the hormones are causing certain sensations to be different. Haha...I hope that's not TMI.

haha, i know what you mean. also, i think my muscles (uterus, etc) are *so* relaxed, it erm, doesn't really feel like anything... sob.

Sandra! I feel the same way, too. I've also had to resort to using the pre-seed I have leftover from TTC. I never needed that type of "assistance" before becoming PG, but decided to try it last time and it worked wonders. I'm glad we're all having this conversation. No one really talks about this stuff. It appears that what we're all experiencing is "normal", which makes me happy. Big Smile

myday1708 · May 2010

redshoegirl:
I'm curious if it hurts as much for women who have had a c-section

Yes. But it goes away.

Married2MrWright · May 2010

I hear you Teri, especially about separating myself from being a mom 24/7. We've gotten into a little routine (which is the only way it can work for us right now) that on weekend mornings, J will get Libby down for nap and I'll jump in the shower and we'll meet back in our bed for some sexy time. That said, I use the shower to mentally transition myself...it helps that the water and exhaust fan drown out any sounds of Libby or lullabies, etc.

Then, when I come out, I am in a good mental place to be open to physical intimacy with J. That said, my bewbies are totally off-limits, which he's not thrilled with but right now I cannot deal with bewbies for sex and bewbies for feeding baby. Not to mention that have more than enough "attention" right now with the BFing and pumping.

As for my drive, it's not where it was before PG or baby but I find that once I "talk myself into it" I really do enjoy it. Plus I know it's important for our marriage for us to connect in this way. It has stopped hurting, for the most part, and I find that as long as there is enough foreplay (mental first...with the wink-wink on Friday night followed by the shower time on Saturday morning, etc. as well as physical...BFing seems to cause dryness for me...TMI but hey! We're chatting about sex....) then it's really great. It's not as hot and heavy as it was when we were first together, but we're okay with that. In some ways, because we're so much closer emotionally and spiritually, our phyiscal intimacy is better than when we were in lust-mode early-on in our relationship.

Hang in there mama...it will get better. Maybe you and Russ can work on different ways of creating a space where you can turn off your "mommy mode" and turn on your "hot wife" mode.

Married2MrWright · May 2010

eacerna:

SanHawaii08:
count me in as one of the "no baby yet so no advice here" but, nicole and tara - me three...

me four :-).

nothing has changed for us though so i am thankful for that. we'll see what happens when the baby comes. keeping fingers crossed :-/.

Just want to say to the PG girls...between the morning sickness (or all day sickness), poison ivy, UTI, travels for work, etc. I think we had sex 4 or 5 times the entire time I was KU! Third tri sex is just not that fun...I tried and J appreciated that, but I wasn't into it at all.

Married2MrWright · May 2010

redshoegirl:

I'm curious if it hurts as much for women who have had a c-section (I'm still only 4 weeks pp so no sexy time here until I have my check-up in another 2 weeks). I'm wondering if it's just primarily from the trauma of pushing a kid out during childbirth or is hormonal as well?

It was VERY uncomfortable for me in the later stages of my pregnancy - I think I can count on one hand the number of times we did it during third tri - but that was because of the whole twin thing...they were putting a LOT of pressure on my cervix for a long time, and that made nookies pretty uncomfy.

Hmm...curious. I tore and had stiches and I think that's what was causing me some discomfort during sex. With patience, lots of lube (LOL) and working through it I'd say I feel about 90% back to "normal." J says it feels the same as before, so I guess that's a good thing since I pushed a big ol' baby through there...yay for daily Kegels!

MrsNJSwimmer · May 2010

if you saw my response on Lisa's post, you know i'm still in the same boat.

HulaLove · May 2010

Married2MrWright:

I hear you Teri, especially about separating myself from being a mom 24/7. We've gotten into a little routine (which is the only way it can work for us right now) that on weekend mornings, J will get Libby down for nap and I'll jump in the shower and we'll meet back in our bed for some sexy time. That said, I use the shower to mentally transition myself...it helps that the water and exhaust fan drown out any sounds of Libby or lullabies, etc.

Then, when I come out, I am in a good mental place to be open to physical intimacy with J. That said, my bewbies are totally off-limits, which he's not thrilled with but right now I cannot deal with bewbies for sex and bewbies for feeding baby. Not to mention that have more than enough "attention" right now with the BFing and pumping.

As for my drive, it's not where it was before PG or baby but I find that once I "talk myself into it" I really do enjoy it. Plus I know it's important for our marriage for us to connect in this way. It has stopped hurting, for the most part, and I find that as long as there is enough foreplay (mental first...with the wink-wink on Friday night followed by the shower time on Saturday morning, etc. as well as physical...BFing seems to cause dryness for me...TMI but hey! We're chatting about sex....) then it's really great. It's not as hot and heavy as it was when we were first together, but we're okay with that. In some ways, because we're so much closer emotionally and spiritually, our phyiscal intimacy is better than when we were in lust-mode early-on in our relationship.

Hang in there mama...it will get better. Maybe you and Russ can work on different ways of creating a space where you can turn off your "mommy mode" and turn on your "hot wife" mode.

Lori the shower/transition time is a great idea! I'm going to try that.

I TOTALLY hear you on bewbies being off limits. There is no way in heck I can see them as sexual at this time.

I also have the same problem with dryness... since we've gone TMI Russ and I have nicknamed it the Sahara.

Married2MrWright · May 2010

HulaLove:
Lori the shower/transition time is a great idea! I'm going to try that.

I TOTALLY hear you on bewbies being off limits. There is no way in heck I can see them as sexual at this time.

I also have the same problem with dryness... since we've gone TMI Russ and I have nicknamed it the Sahara.

Sahara...you crack me up. Sorry if I steered the thread down the TMI road, but you know, sex kinda goes that route...now that we're discussing it I am thinking I should bust out the PreSeed and see if that helps (thanks for the tip Nicole). I too, have never really need help in that department until now.

Teri -- I hope the shower thing works for you. J wanted to join me once and I asked him not to and explained that I needed that time alone to get in the right frame of mind/mood and he totally got it. That's not to say that sometime down the road I might ask him to join me...it's be a long time since we've showered together (since our honeymoon, I think).

As for the bewbs...I've relaxed a tad...and allowed myself to remove my nursing tank during sex. But for the first 3 months pp I would leave it on! LOL!

SirenSong · May 2010

This post has totally inspired me to do my pelvic floors, in rememberance of the last (only) time my husband and I have had sex since Samara was born.

Just thought I'd let you all know and stuff.

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